My alarm is ringing, but I’m too tired to turn it off. My head is pounding, my body is aching and I feel utterly horrible.

“Fuck Ella, turn it off,” Annie exclaims.

I huff, roll over and slide the off button on my phone. I glance over at Annie and she looks at me and frowns.

“Geez, what’s wrong with you? Are you sick?” she asks as she slowly gets out of bed.

I pull the covers over my head and try to stop the tears that are forming again in my eyes already from the memory of last night.

“Ella?” she says and walks over and sits on my bed.

“I’m fine, I just had a late night. Tell Dad I’ll be at the arena an hour late, I just need another hours sleep,” I say and she lets out a small laugh.

“Right, get a little wasted last night then?” She gets up from my bed and I hear her walk away to what I’m assuming is the bathroom.

My tears don’t control themselves and under the safety of my blankets I softly cry remembering the hurt and anger I now feel toward Danger. He took my virginity and then tossed me out like a used condom. I want to talk to him and see what his excuse is, I don’t care if his real name is a sore spot for him, he didn’t need to treat me that way. Annie is walking around the hotel room getting ready while I softly cry under my blanket and I’m glad she seems a little better today. At least she’s able to get up out of bed, it seems the roles are reversed today.

“Okay, I’m out, I’ll tell the parentals you’ll be down in an hour. I’ll tell them you have a headache,” she says and I murmur in response. “You sure you're all right?”

I really want to tell her everything, but right now I don’t feel like talking. I feel like sulking so that’s what I’m going to do.

“I’m fine, I just need to sleep. Thanks for the cover, I’ll see you in an hour.”

She exhales and then I hear her walk out of our room. When I hear the door click closed, I peek out from under the blanket to make sure she’s gone and then I let my tears really fall. Seeing Danger today is going to be horrible, and then I have to spend the next five months on tour with him. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I think the only way is to stop feeling upset and to start feeling angry about it. Being sad and moping like Annie doesn’t do any good. But being angry, at least I can get up and carry on with my day, it just means I’ll be on the war path. And as I think more and more about how he turned his back on me and kicked me out after taking something so precious from me the angrier I get. My tears subside and my skin starts to prickle and my nostrils flare. I begin to get hot and I can’t help but think of what kind of arsehole would do something like that? I sit up in bed as my breathing becomes rushed and harsh.

“Fuck him!” I say and wipe my cheeks from my residual tears.

“I won’t shed another tear over you, Danger!” I say out loud even though he can’t possibly hear me. I stand up still wearing my dress from last night, unzip it and pull it off throwing it away from me. I don’t want the reminder of him. I pull off my underwear noticing some blood staining on my panties and it makes me even angrier.

“Urgh!” I moan and then make my way to the bathroom to wash away the sins of last night and any last connection I might have to Danger from Recoil!

 

***

 

After scrubbing my skin thoroughly, I made my way to the arena. I knew I’d have to go sooner or later, so I got my shit together and went. My anger has overtaken my depression and I want to see Danger and yell at him, but I know I can’t in front of everyone. So when I can get an opportunity or a second alone with him, I’m going to give him what for. I walk into the arena and down toward the Staked green room. My anger is surging and I really don’t have the patience for anything right now. I walk past a pile of boxes and accidentally catch my arm on the top one making the box fall to the ground.

“For fuck’s sake,” I yell as the box grazed my arm and now there’s a bruise coming up and the bloody things hurting. My temper boils over and I kick the box making it implode in on itself and flyers burst out of it scattering out all over the hallway.

“Fucking stupid piece of shit box, serves you right for being in my way,” I say and kick it again and walk off leaving the mess. I know someone will have to clean it up, but I don’t care, the box pissed me off so it can stay on the floor along with the mess it created. I storm off rubbing my now sore and bruising arm and Danger steps out of his green room and I stop on the spot. My heart starts to pounds ferociously in my chest. He spots me, we look at each other for a brief second and then he turns and walks off in the other direction.

“Danger, wait! I need to talk to you,” I call out and start to rush off after him, but he races away and my anger boils over. I figure if he wants to avoid me then I’m not going to go and chase after him especially when he walks away from me like that.

“Fucking prick,” I murmur and the threat of tears pool in my eyes again, but I fight them back, instead turning and heading to the Staked green room. No one is in here, and I take a second just to try and gather myself. I pull in some calming breaths. It doesn’t seem to be working and I have no idea what I need to do. Obviously Danger is going to avoid me from now on. He got what he wanted and now he doesn’t need me anymore. So I need to try and move forward because I have five months of being around his arse if he’s going to keep showing me his back all the time.

I decide I’ll try and find Annie to see if she’ll be willing to have that chat now. I turn and walk toward the door, I’m still raging mad as I think about Danger turning and walking away from me. Looking down at the ground, suddenly someone walks straight into me. I groan out in frustration when I look up to see Chad with a stupid goofy grin on his face.

“Watch where you’re going, arsehole,” I yell at Chad and he opens his eyes wide at me as I frown at him.

“Whoa, okay! What’s wrong with you?”

I exhale and turn back to look down the corridor to see Danger and purse my lips.

“I’ve been used and I hate it,” I murmur.

Chad walks to me and follows my line of sight down the corridor to see Danger and huffs.

“And by used, you mean?” he asks and I look at him fiercely.

“That’s none of your damn business!” I scowl.

“Right, sorry. Oh, wait, hang on, you and Danger…” he pauses and then it’s like a lightbulb goes off in his head. He frowns and all the colour drains from his face.

“Shh,” I say, I don’t want anyone to know.

“Oh, wow!” The drumsticks he was holding fall to the floor as a blank stare crosses his face and he blinks once then twice slowly. I furrow my brows at him and I think I see a look of pain in his eyes.

“Ella, why?” he whispers as his eyes lock with mine and something happens. Some intense, overwhelming feeling of guilt flows through me. A feeling that sleeping with Danger was the wrong thing. My gut turns and as I look into Chad’s eyes, a swarm of butterflies flurry making me feel giddy.

What the fuck?

“I…umm…we…I don’t have to explain myself to you,” I say taking a step back from him noticing we were inching closer together. I break the intense gaze we had locked on each other.

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just…Ella, you’re so innocent and beautiful and perfect and Danger is, well, Danger. He’s broody, he’s obnoxious, he’s completely too arrogant and he’s a serial flirt. You can do way better than him. You deserve someone who’ll treat you right, someone who can show you how you should be loved. I don’t think Danger knows the meaning of the word love, Ella,” Chad says and I exhale and smile.

“Chad, I’ve known Danger for three weeks. I don’t think love is on the agenda for either of us right now. Plus, we both know at the end of the tour he’ll be going back to America and I’ll be going back to the UK. So even if love were involved, one of us would have to move, and I sure as hell wouldn’t leave all you guys behind.”

Chad smiles and relaxes his stance slightly. “Well, that’s good to hear at least, I don’t think I could stand the thought of you being in love with Danger from Recoil.”

I think there’s a hidden meaning behind it, but I can’t quite work out what it means.

“No, definitely not in love, in lust definitely, but—”

“Okay, okay, I don’t need to hear any of that,” he says bringing his hands up to his ears and scowling like he’s disgusted. I pull his hands down from his ears and pull him into a hug. He stiffens, but quickly eases the tension and embraces me tightly running his hand through the back of my hair and holding me to him.

“I’m always here for you, Ella.”

I nod against him and inhale his aftershave. It’s a scent I’ve known for so long, and it always makes me smile whenever I smell it. Any reminders of Chad make me smile. He’s always been such a bright spark in my life, and I’m so grateful to have him as my friend right now. And knowing he’s here for me every time I need him is what keeps me sane. Especially, seeing as he’s been so distant lately, and with Annie out of action, I can’t confide in her about anything right now. I’m sure she would listen if I went to her, but she’s so lost and drowning without Aston and nothing can pull her out of her despair. Especially now that Amber from Red Velvet is hanging around. It’s nice having another girl around, but I hate seeing Annie like this. I might try and take her out for a girl’s night, see if I can cheer her up.

“So are you okay?” he asks and I pull back from him and shake my head.

“No, not really. Danger’s avoiding me now, and I think it’s all my fault. I’m so fucking angry,” I say and Chad shakes his head.

“I don’t know what happened, just know that anything Danger does he only does for himself, Ella. You deserve way better than that dirtbag. Just forget about him. Chalk it up to a bad experience and move on I say,” he says holding me to him and leaning in kissing my forehead. “And hey, I’m sorry I’ve been weird the last couple of weeks. I’ve had a bit on my mind, but I’ll be here for you, I promise.” He pulls back holding me at arm’s length and looking in my eyes. His green eyes are shining brightly like he’s content and full of excitement. They’re not dull and distant like I’ve seen lately. Something has changed for him, I don’t know what it is but as I look into his eyes, something passes between us and a flutter of butterflies flurry around in my stomach. I swallow hard as he brings his hand up to caress my cheek and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

“Don’t cry over him, okay? I can see your beautiful eyes have been crying. But please, Ella, don’t shed another tear. Just forget about him, and if you need to just spend all your time with me, I promise I’ll help you forget him,” he says. His voice is soothing my anger and calming my nerves. With Chad, I feel at ease and a calm peacefulness washes over me making me want to stay looking into his mesmerising eyes forever.

“Let me heal you, Ella,” he suggests and I smile and nod.

He smiles and there’s a buzz in the air, a pulse that I can feel waving between me and Chad. It’s pulling me toward him and I inadvertently step closer. His hand wraps around my waist and holds me tighter as his other hand caresses my cheek. I bring my hands up and rest them on his bulging biceps and notice my breathing is faster than normal. I feel like I’m in a trance as I stare at Chad like I am seeing him for the first time. I look down at his lips and they look inviting. He licks his bottom lip and my skin tingles all over, thinking about his tongue. I gulp as our bodies are flush together and he leans down closer to me. Something is happening right now, I just don’t know what this is. My heart is racing and every inch of me is aching as Chad leans down. I take in a deep breath and my heart thuds as Chad’s face comes in line with mine.

“Hey guys, have you seen Aston?” Amber asks breaking our moment. Chad backs away and my heart races frantically when he breaks contact completely, leaving me reeling wondering what the hell that was.

“Ah no, last I saw he was down at the stage,” Chad says and Amber smiles and nods.

“Thanks, Chad. Oh, I think you dropped these,” she says, bending down and picking up his drumsticks. She hands them to him. He smiles and takes them from her as I wrap my arms around myself.

“Thanks, Amber,” Chad says as she skips off in her usual cheerful manner.

I’m trying to control my erratic breathing when Chad looks at me and smiles.

“I’m always here for you Ella, remember that.” He leans in kissing my forehead and then walks out of the green room leaving me in the doorway completely confused.

 

***

 

It’s been two days since the incident with Danger and his avoidance techniques are second to none. I’ve hardly seen him at all, and when I do he turns the other way and evades me completely. My anger is now ebbing and now turning into self-confidence bashing. Why aren’t I good enough for him? I know it’s stupid and I know it’s lame, but I can’t stop thinking that this is all because of me. Maybe if I was different somehow. Maybe if I were more experienced or prettier, he would like me better but, to be honest, I don’t care. He doesn’t want me so why should I want him. My self-confidence needs a boost and so does Annie’s so I’m going to try and convince her to go out on a girl’s night, just us two. Plus, even though we share a hotel room we haven’t really had any real sister bonding time. I want to try and get Annie out of the hotel tonight and out of her shell a little more. She needs to live a little and stop moping, and I need to stop thinking about Danger from fucking Recoil and get lost in some stranger for a night.

We’re in Ankara Turkey, and I’ve convinced Mum to let me take Annie out to a club without any of the other band members. We have to take a security detail with us seeing as we now have celebrity status, which I agreed with. Now comes the hard part…convincing Annie.

I walk into the hotel room and Annie is sitting on the bed about to get into her pyjamas for the night, I grab them from her and she looks at me raising her eyebrow and smirking.

“Umm?” she questions as I throw them over onto the cupboard.

“We’re going out! Just you and me. No boys. Girl’s night and sister bonding time. Get dressed,” I demand and Annie groans and shakes her head.

“No, I wanna go to bed,” she says. I roll my eyes and walk over to her suitcase and pull out her favourite short black lace dress.

“Annie, put this on. The car will be here soon.”

She looks at me and shakes her head. “No Ella, I’m not in the mood.”

I throw my hands in the air and huff. “You’re never in the fucking mood Annie, for once in your miserable life do something for me. I’m struggling, okay? I’ve had an atrocious and confusing couple of days, so will you stop thinking about yourself for a change. I need to go and dance and get drunk with my sister,” I yell and she opens her eyes wide and gawks at me.

“Wow, you never yell at me,” she says.

I take a deep breath and calm myself down. “Sorry.”

She smiles and stands up. “No, I’m sorry. Anything you wanna talk about?” she asks and I shake my head and hand her the dress. She takes it and nods.

“Okay, well, I’m here if you need me. I’m sorry you’ve had a bad couple of days, though.”

“Yeah, me too. Now get dressed,” I say.

Once we’re both made up and looking gorgeous, we head downstairs and into the lobby where our waiting security team and driver collect us. We head to the best club in Ankara and as we move inside, we go straight to the bar and order ourselves a drink. The music is loud. There’s a ton of people and it’s hot in here. It’s a perfect place for me to forget about Danger, and for Annie to forget about Aston, even if only for one night. We grab our drinks and head to a booth.

“This place is fantastic,” I yell across the booth to Annie.

She nods and takes a sip of her beer. She doesn’t seem to be very into it or much interested in having fun. I huff and roll my eyes and look out to the dance floor. People are dancing up a storm and they’re all having a good time. I wish we were.

“Want to dance?” I call out and she shakes her head and looks back out over the crowd.

Wow, she really just wants to sit here and people watch. I notice a guy lurking at the edge of the dance floor staring at Annie. He’s smiling and really cute, and is apparently taken with her. He looks over at me and opens his eyes wide knowing he’s been caught staring. I smile and gesture with my head for him to come over. He tilts his head like he’s questioning whether I’m serious or not, so I wave him over subtly with my hand. He edges closer to our booth and stands next to Annie. She looks up at him and her eyes bulge out of her sockets when she sees him. He really is good looking and he has that tall, dark, and handsome look down pat.

“Hey, I saw your drink was nearly empty and was wondering if you’d like another one?” he asks with a slight Turkish twang in his accent. English is obviously his second language. Annie looks at me and I smile widely and she shakes her head.

“No, I can’t I’m with my sister.”

I notice one of our security guards stepping up to us. I shake my head letting him know we’re okay. He nods and steps back.

“No, I’m fine, Annie. Go get a drink,” I say and she purses her lips like she’s furious with me. I use my eyes to egg her on to go with him, she huffs as tall, dark, and handsome smiles at her.

“Okay, maybe just one drink.” She slides out of the booth and walks across to the bar with him. I mentally high five myself as I take a sip through the straw of my cocktail. Suddenly my skin prickles and I look toward the door noticing Danger walk in with Ryan. I open my eyes wide and try to duck down, but he sees me as we stare at each other. He steps toward me then stops and turns away walking to another booth with Ryan totally ignoring me. I huff and shake my head. I’m so sick of him, he’s been ignoring me since he kicked me out of his hotel room after he stole my virginity. You’d think he’d have the common decency to talk to me about it, like a normal adult, but no he’s being childish.

Jerk!

I look over to Annie and see she’s sitting on a barstool talking to her new friend. I can see Danger from here and he has a giant beer in front of him and Ryan is sitting with a girl on either side of him like normal. At least Danger doesn’t have girls all over him. That would be too much for me to handle right now. It’s almost too much as it is right now just sitting here on my own.

I can’t stop looking at Danger, and he seems extra broody tonight. He hasn’t looked up since he sat down in the booth and he’s just staring at the table drinking like something is wrong with him.

I want to go and talk to him.

No, I want to yell at him.

I want to tell him how much he hurt me and how bad he made me feel about myself. I want to tell him I hate him because I miss him, and I hate myself for that. I just want to talk to him, but he keeps avoiding me making it impossible. So I’ll stay here in my booth all on my own, festering on my own thoughts while everyone else goes about their business around me.

I look over at Annie and decide she seems occupied enough, and I certainly don’t want to sit here on my own all night so I’m bringing in reinforcements. I pull out my phone and message Chad asking him to come to the club and save me. He writes back immediately and says he will be here in fifteen. So, I’m sitting in my booth watching Danger down another beer while Annie continues to chat with her friend and I’m all alone.

Some fun girl’s night this has turned out to be!

I watch Danger and he’s drinking quite a lot, he seems troubled. I’m almost concerned for him when someone slides into the booth opposite me. I look up to see Chad so I smile and then look back down at Danger.

“You have it bad,” Chad says.

“No, I just don’t know what’s going on in his head,” I say and turn back to look at Chad.

“There she is. Hi,” he says and I half laugh.

“Sorry. Hi, thanks for rescuing me. I look like an idiot here all by myself,” I say and he shakes his head.

“You could never look like an idiot, mayonnaise,” he says and I laugh and shake my head.

“No, but you look like an idiot all the time,” I retort and he smirks and tilts his head to the side.

“But that’s what makes me so utterly adorable.”

“Right,” I say and look back at Danger, who’s now chatting with one of the waitresses.

I huff and fold my arms over my chest.

“Okay c’mon,” Chad says getting out of the booth and pulling me from it too.

“Whoa, where are we going?”

He leads me out onto the dance floor right in front of Danger and Ryan. “Dancing! Let’s make him see what he’s missing out on,” Chad says and I furrow my brows. Chad grabs my waist either side and pulls me flush. My body tingles when our bodies collide and the air is knocked from me with the force or is it from the electrical charge I feel? I’m not sure, but either way this is feeling really strange and I’m so confused right now. My heart is telling me to look over at Danger, but my body is telling me to grind into Chad.

“Look at me, Ella,” Chad says and my head snaps up to look at Chad. Inadvertently, my hands slide up his muscular arms and my fingers interlock around his neck. My eyes glance down to his pink lips and he licks his bottom lip slowly and my insides quiver as my breathing starts to hitch.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I mean this is Chad.

Chad Everly.

Our drummer.

The snotty nosed kid I’ve grown up with all my life. Who, admittedly, is actually quite a stunning and well-toned man.

Since when did my body start to react this way to him?

“Ella, look at me,” he reiterates breaking me from my thoughts.

I glance up into his eyes as we slowly sway to the music. He holds my body to him tightly. I look into his bright, intense green eyes and I’m hit in the chest by something I haven’t felt before from Chad. I don’t know what it is, but I think I like it. I swallow hard, as a slight smile crosses his face and he brings his hand up to caress my cheek.

“You’re so beautiful, do you know that? And if Danger can’t see what he’s throwing away then he’s more stupid than he looks,” he says. My heart skips a beat and my breath catches for a brief moment before a shadow catches my attention.

“Dancing with another man, sugar?” Danger asks breaking me from my trance with Chad.