Caleb

 

I’m lying in bed wrapped around Indi and I know I have to get up. She’s sound asleep and I really want to make this moment last for as long as I can, because I know this is the last morning I’m going to wake up next to her for the next six months. I nuzzle into her while she’s cuddled into my side. I lay on my back, but I’m holding onto her as tightly as I can. I need to lock every curve of her into my memory. Being without her for this long is going to be a torture like none other. But I will be performing nearly every day, so at least I’ll have one good thing to look forward to every day.

She stirs slightly making that cute little moaning noise she does every time she wakes up. It’s the cutest damn thing in the world and my chest tightens at the thought of not hearing it for half a year.

Oh God, when I say it like that, it feels like forever!

I swallow hard as I inadvertently tighten my arms around her and she slowly brings her head up and opens her eyes to look at me.

“Morning handsome,” she whispers opening and closing her eyes sleepily.

“Morning beautiful,” I reply and she smiles and leans up kissing my lips softly. She pulls back, smiles, and then it’s like she registers and frowns.

“Hmm, guess this is the last time I’ll be waking up with you for a while?”

A knot tightens in my stomach and I nod. “Yeah, so let’s make it count.” I move my hand to her hair and bring her head back to mine and kiss her with as much passion as I can muster.

She responds and kisses me with the same passion that it feels like we’re saying goodbye, but I know we’re not. This isn’t the end for us. We’re too strong now. We kiss for what seems like only seconds. I wish it were longer, but I know the clock is ticking away and I was already running late before she woke up. I reluctantly pull my lips from hers and rest our foreheads together.

“I love you, you know that?”

She giggles and nods looking into my eyes.

“Marry me?” I ask one last time.

She laughs and takes her head from mine and sits up in the bed. “Caleb, you need to stop asking me. I’m never going to know when you’re serious,” she says and I smile and sit up next to her and run my hand down her shoulder.

“Baby, every time I ask I’m serious.”

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“Well, get back from the tour and ask me then,” she says and I smile and tilt my head to the side.

“Does that mean, you’ll say…yes…when I get back?” I ask excitedly.

“Well, we’ll see,” she says and leans in kissing me with a quick peck.

“One day, Indi. One day, you won’t be able to resist all this anymore,” I say and wave up and down my torso like I’m God’s gift.

She throws her head back and laughs grasping at her stomach, laughing so hard she falls back onto the mattress.

“Oh my God, Caleb, you’re so in love with yourself,” she spits out through her fit of laughter. I think she’s so adorable right now that my need to kiss her is outweighing anything else. I lean over the top of her and pin her to the bed smirking as she continues to laugh at me. I love how lighthearted we are in this moment. This is how I want to remember her while I’m away, happy and bubbly and laughing at my idiocy. I move my face down toward hers and her laughing slows to a giggle as I run my nose along hers.

“Still think it’s funny?” I ask and she giggles again.

“Yeah kinda, Mr. I’m-too-sexy-for-my-shirt,” she sings like the song which only makes me chuckle this time.

“Right, well, there’s only one way to shut you up,” I say and she smirks and tilts her head.

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

I lick my lips and press them to hers as I pin my body against her. She kisses me back passionately as I run my hand up her side and to her exposed breast and caress it tenderly. She moans in my mouth and I really want to take this further, but I know I can’t. I’m already late. I groan into her mouth as she pushes her breast further into my hand. I slowly pull my lips from hers and she smiles, but I can see there’s sadness behind the smile.

“You have to get ready to go, don’t you?”

I nod and exhale.

“What time is the concert at Wembley tonight?” she asks.

I smile as a flurry of nervousness swarms my stomach. “The show starts at seven. I think we’re on about eight though.”

“Wow! My man performing at Wembley, just like I always knew he would.”

“Well, kind of, we’re only the backing band. So it’s not really like you thought it would be,” I say and she scoffs and waves her hand around.

“Pish posh, Caleb! You’re performing at Wembley, doesn’t matter if you’re the backing band or not, you’re still performing there. I can’t wait to come and see you.”

“I can’t wait for you to see me either. I just hate that I won’t see you after the show.”

“I know I hate that we have to say goodbye and I will see you perform and then that’s it, you’re off for six months, being the Rock God you were always meant to be.”

“I’ll come back for you though,” I say and kiss her head.

“I know.”

“Okay, I have to get dressed, but you can stay naked if you like?”

“Oh my God, you never change.” She pushes me off her and gets up from the bed pulling her robe over her beautiful skin. I smile and make my way to get dressed. I stayed at her place last night so I’ll be saying goodbye to her from here and then going straight from here to the Hyatt hotel to meet the band. Then to the venue to prepare for our first concert. As I get dressed silence falls over the room and I know our fun and cheerful time is passing and the somber and sad moments are coming to be met by my departure. I gather my things and walk out to the kitchen where Indi is pouring herself a glass of water. I can’t help but notice her hand is shaking as she brings the glass to her lips. I walk up behind and wrap my arms around her waist bringing her back to my front.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whisper in her ear softly and she nods quickly and then sniffs.

This is what I’ve been dreading.

The goodbye.

I pull her around to face me and take the glass placing it on the bench and holding onto her tightly.

“You know I’m going to be thinking of you all the time.” She fakes a smile but doesn’t say anything. “I’m going to call you every day and we can Skype and I’ll fly home when we have breaks,” I tell her. She nods as I look into her watering eyes and my heart constricts as my chest tightens and I feel breathless.

“Indi, say something.” I bring my hand up to her face and caress her cheek.

“I love you so much,” she says and I smile and exhale.

“I love you too, baby. That’s the reason why this is going to work, okay?”

She can’t hold back the tears any longer and they flow over her eyelids and down her pink cheeks. She swipes at her tears and I pull her to me encasing her in my arms.

“Hey, I thought we said no tears.”

She starts to really sob. “I’m…sorry…” she tries to say.

I swallow hard as I rest my cheek against the top of her head and cuddle with her.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m going to miss you like crazy too. But this will only prove how strong we are,” I say and she pulls back from me and is gnawing at her bottom lip.

“You promise you’re coming back to me, and won’t get swept up in the rock star lifestyle? You promise you won’t love touring so much you continue on for another six months once this is done?”

“Is that what you’re worried about? That I’m going to leave you behind? I wouldn’t do that, Indi, you’re a part of me and part of my life. I’m coming back, and when I come back, I’m going to marry you whether you say yes or not,” I say and she chuckles through her tears.

“Hold me down and force me to say my vows, hey?”

“If I have to. I’m superb at coercion.”

She smiles and snuggles back into me. “Well rock star, you go and have the time of your life. I’ll be here when you get back, and when you get back, we can start making plans. Real plans,” she says and I pull back from her and look her in the eyes.

“Deal,” I say and then lean in kissing her. It’s like time stands still and if I could press pause for us to be locked in this moment for all the rest of time, I would gladly do so. But I can’t. I need to go and leaving her is going to be the monumentally hardest thing I’m ever going to have to do. I pull back and just breathe as she looks at me knowing what’s coming.

“You have to go.”

I swallow and nod. “Just remember I love you, and I don’t leave the country for hours and hours, technically.”

“Well, I guess you better get going. Don’t want to keep Rob and the band waiting now do we.”

I smile and nod, then lean in kissing her mouth and wrapping myself around her so tightly she couldn’t get away even if she wanted to. She kisses me back with the same vigor and as our tongues intertwine I know that she’ll be here when I get back. I have no doubt that we can do this. We can make it through anything. She slowly pulls back and licks her lips and then bites her bottom one.

I swallow hard as her eyes fill with tears again and I watch as the tears flood and flow onto her cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumbs and lean in kissing her nose.

“I love you, my sweet Indi.”

“I love you, rock star. Now go and show everyone how amazing you are.”

I lean forward kissing her forehead and embrace her tightly not wanting to let her go.

“Go, Caleb, before I can’t let you,” she says through more tears. A lump forms in my throat and I’m getting emotional myself. I don’t want to lose it in front of her because that would make her feel worse. I need to hold myself together.

“Okay, I’ll message you when I’m all settled in, and before I go on stage, and when I get off, and before I go to bed, and—”

“Okay, I get it, just message me when you can. Have fun. Don’t spend all your time worrying about me. You’re on tour, Caleb. Enjoy it!”

I nod and lean in kissing her briefly again. She pulls back and takes my hand grabbing my keys from the bench and walking me to the door. My heart starts to race as we arrive at the front door. I feel like I’m about to walk away from something so amazingly special into something unknown and frightening. But I know she’ll be here and that’s all I care about. I turn to face her again and she smiles at me running her hand up caressing my cheek.

“I’m going to miss this hair,” she says running her fingers up and through my hair which sends a shiver down my spine.

“It will be longer by the time I get back.”

“Well then, it’ll give me more to grab onto won’t it?”

She brings her hand down to my chest over my heart.

“It beats only for you,” I say and she smiles and nods as another tear falls down her cheek.

I wipe it away and lean in kissing her one last time. She kisses me back more forcefully and I get lost in the moment with her again.

Saying goodbye sucks.

We both slowly pull back and she leans past me and opens the door.

“I love you, but you have to go now,” she says and I nod looking into her eyes for the last time and see they’re full of pain. I wish I could take that pain away. I wish I didn’t have to leave her behind. I wish she wasn’t stubborn and would just come with me, but this is the way things have to be. So for now I have to say goodbye.

“I love you. Just remember, when I rub my thumb over my bottom lip—”

“You’re thinking of me,” she finishes and I smile and nod rubbing my thumb over my bottom lip.

She gnaws on hers and her tears are flowing freely now as I lean in kissing her forehead and turn to walk out the door. As I step out of her house, I feel cold and suddenly like a part of me is missing. I turn back to face her and she fakes a smile but quickly closes the door. I swallow hard and nod knowing she needed me to be gone because it was getting too hard for her. I stand on her front step with my heart thudding in my chest wanting to go back in and make love to her one last time, or just to kiss her again, but I can’t. I really need to go. My stomach is twisting and I feel a little out of breath as my chest tightens, then I hear it. Indi sobbing. The sound tears at my heart like the claws of a bear stripping away any calmness I’d previously felt. On hearing her sobbing, I can’t contain my own despair of not seeing her for six months and my eyes fill with tears and my bottom lip trembles as the saltwater flows freely down my cheeks. I wipe away the hot tears when I realise I haven’t even called for the taxi to take me home. I decide I’m already late as it is, and I need to let go of this emotion. So I gather myself and start the walk back to my home to pick up my baggage and head to the hotel minus the love of my life.

 

***

 

I’ve met the guys from the other backing band Recoil. They seem friendly enough. Danger is the lead singer and even though he seems like the ‘typical’ lead singer, completely up himself, he has some great ideas about music and their sound is strong. They’re not as good as Staked or Slayed, but still more than just your average backing band. I watched him flirt with Ella while Chad was watching. Chad then told me that Danger seemed like a real dickhead, so I think maybe there might be some drama headed for this tour where Chad, Danger, and Ella are concerned. Hopefully, it will all blow over, last thing we need is drama on our first tour.

Everyone is pumped. After leaving Indi I was pretty down, and it only got worse because knowing she was going to be here tonight in the crowd brought me excitement, but she messaged and said that there was an emergency at work and couldn’t make it. I was shattered. Not only did I have to leave her for six months but the last hope of being near her for tonight was gone too. But once I got to the band, and after they had yelled at me for being late, we got into the swing of things. I’ve messaged Indi a couple of times just to see how she’s doing. After hearing her break down after I left and then when she told me she couldn’t come tonight, it broke my heart. I know when I left she was trying to keep a brave face for me, but leaving her was hard for me and I guess me leaving was just as hard for her. I will be distracted by the music all the time, whereas she’ll have a life as normal, but without me in it. I hate that I’ve left her and that no one is going to be there for her other than Kenzi, but at least she has her I suppose.

I’m on the side of the stage. Recoil are nearly finished their set and it’s about ten to eight. I’m nervous. It’s Wembley-fucking-stadium for crying out loud!

The other band members are here and we’re all doing our pre-show warm-ups. I’m shaking it out ‘cause the nervous tension in my body right now is making me shiver all over. I don’t get nervous often, but tonight I’m particularly nervous and I need something to pick me up. I just don’t know what. I feel my pocket vibrating so I pull my phone out to see Indi calling. I smile widely as a thrill of excitement flows through me. This is exactly what I needed.

“Indi!” I say and she giggles.

“Yep, it’s me. Hey, it’s loud there. Are you having a good time?” she asks and I smile so wide as my heart pumps faster at the sound of her voice.

“Yeah, having a great time, just wish you we’re here. How come you’re calling? I thought you were at work?”

“I am, but I slipped into the cafeteria to call you. I just wanted to wish you good luck on stage at your first show. I couldn’t let you go up there without sending you my good luck vibes.”

“Well thank you, baby, that means so much to me! Could you get in trouble for calling me though?”

“Yes lots, that’s why I went to the cafeteria. No one will see me here.”

“Well, don’t get in trouble for me. But thank you for calling. I needed to hear your voice, and the good luck vibes are always appreciated.”

“Glad I could be of service, but I better go before they notice I’m gone. Break a leg or whatever it is that they say.”

“Thanks, baby.”

“And Caleb.”

“Yeah?”

“If I could’ve been there I would have, you know that, right?”

“I know, I know. You’re here in spirit, that’s all that matters.”

“Well, knock ‘em dead. Show that Colter Slade what real rock stars are made of,” she says and I laugh out loud.

“I’m going to tell him you said that.”

“He’ll never look at me the same again.”

“I love you, have a good night at work,” I say.

“You too!”

Chad walks up to me maneuvering his drumsticks through his fingers.

“Okay baby, I gotta go. We’re up.”

“Have fun, bye,” she says cheerfully, which makes me feel so much happier than the last time we said goodbye.

“Bye baby,” I say and hang up the phone.

“We gotta have a pep talk, dude,” Chad explains and I smile and walk with him over to Aston.

“Okay guys, let’s get in the huddle,” I call out and Ella is looking out onto the stage where Recoil is playing. I think I see her sigh and Chad huffs, folding his arms over his chest in annoyance. Annie shakes her head at Ella and pulls her by the hand over to me, Chad, and Aston, as we form the circle ready for the pep talk for our first ever world tour concert.