Indi

 

As I’m buried in the past reading about my history with Caleb and the death of my parents, I get a text on my phone. I wipe a tear from my face and look down at my screen.

 

Kenzi: Address, NOW!

 

I decide maybe I should let go of my fear of being judged and just let someone be here for me. I send her my address and then return to the article.

 

‘Indica was always the love of Caleb’s life,’ says the source. Apparently Caleb wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She was his forever girl. But Miss Malone was destined to break the budding musician’s heart. This may seem like a bad thing, but in our eyes it means more musical genius songs of heartbreak and despair for the upcoming band ‘Staked’.

 

The song ‘Saving Grace,’ was written especially with Miss Malone in mind, and it details of their unstable past. The two lovers with their on-again-off-again relationship was always bound to end in the heartbreak of poor Caleb, who is now said to be trying to mend his broken heart. Indica was the one who ended things, and now Caleb is left to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart while Indi moves on without him. What will become of the up and coming rising star? Only time will tell. Time heals all wounds and broken hearts make great music.

 

I scoff and close my laptop shaking my head. He’s made me out to look like the bad guy. I can’t believe this! I storm over to my window and look out not knowing what else to do. My bottom lip is trembling and my insides are shaking. I feel like this is more of a betrayal than him actually sleeping with Sally or Sandra or whatever-her-fucking-name was. I cannot believe after everything I told him about wanting my past to be kept a secret, he would go and have it printed just because I hurt him. What a shallow, selfish, childish, arsehole, tosser, prick!

I pace my bedroom as the images of my parents flash through my mind. I bite my bottom lip trying to remember their happy faces and not the ones that haunt my nightmares. The ones of their deathly faces. I cradle myself as I feel myself starting to panic. I’m breathing so fast that I feel like I might hyperventilate at any second. I don’t know how to calm down. I continue to pace my bedroom floor breathing in and out of my mouth trying to get any oxygen in that I can.

Closing my eyes, I try to remember my parents’ happy faces. But the imagery turns black and foam starts to ooze out of Dad’s mouth and Mum’s face turns pale as she brings her hand up to her face and her wrist is dripping with blood. I scream out as the tears begin to fall down my face and I fall to the floor in a ball and cradle myself.

I hate that he’s done this. Brought my past back up and now these images of my parents won’t subside. I open my eyes to try and rid the images, but all I see are memories of Caleb in my bed and kissing me against the door. Everything is overpowering me and it’s too much for me to bear as I sob. I fall to the side and my cheek meets the plush carpet. I can’t contain my anguish any more, and I cry so hard into the floor as I stare at the door where he kissed me so passionately it took my breath away.

Just like right now.

I can’t breathe.

I’m crying so much that snot is bubbling out of my nose, and I’m sure I look a right mess. But I can’t pull myself together, the pain is agonising. The ache in my chest is keeping me on the floor, and my breathing is so shallow I don’t know if I’m even breathing anymore. I can’t see through my tears, so I close my eyes and let the horrible images of my parents fill my head. I bring my hands up and scrunch them in my hair tightly to try and stop the images, as I continue to sob, but nothing is taking the horror from my mind. Everything is so overwhelming that I have no idea how to stop it.

“Indi?” I hear in the background, but I don’t even know where it’s coming from. I can’t pull myself from the darkness to see who it is.

“Jesus, Indi,” I hear and then I feel warm arms wrap around me lifting me up and cradling me to them.

I don’t know who it is, but they’re warm and I grip onto them tightly as they run their hands up and down my arms trying to comfort me.

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m right here,” they say as whoever it is sits on the floor, and I climb into their lap and snuggle into them like a child would do to their mother.

“Hey, just try and breathe for me, okay?” the voice says and it starts to register that I know the voice well.

“In and out, just nice and slow,” they say and I stutter in a breath and breathe out slowly trying to calm down as I cling to them.

“God damn girl. I told you not to read the article,” the voice says and I slowly register that it must be Kenzi holding and comforting me.

My heart starts to slow down and my stomach settles slightly as she continues to rub her hands along my arms to soothe me.

“Kenzi?” I murmur.

“Yeah it’s me, I’m here,” she says. I slowly ease my vice like grip on her arm, and the feeling comes back into my fingers that I didn’t even know had left from me holding on so tight.

“Shit sorry,” I say as I wipe my eyes and look down to her arm where red marks now bruise the site.

“Hey, I don’t give a crap about bruises. What I care about is that you are back on planet earth with me right now,” she says as I slide out of her lap and wipe my cheeks again. I look up at her and into her dark brown eyes and I can see the concern etched firmly in them.

“I’m so sorry you had to see me like this. It’s been years since I had a breakdown this severe,” I say and swallow hard.

She exhales and takes my hand in hers squeezing firmly. “Hey, I’m just glad you finally gave me your address. I would hate to think what could have happened if I didn’t find you. Thank God your front door was unlocked,” she says and I shake my head. I must have forgotten to lock it when I got home in my desperate state last night.

I look at her beautiful black hair and she truly is flawless. Unlike what I imagine I must look like right now.

“Why did you read the article, Indi?”

“I guess when you told me not to it made me determined to see what was so bad?”

“You are the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met, you know that?” she says and stands up.

I look up at her and she puts her hand out for me to take. “Think you can stand up?”

“Yeah, I’m okay now, I think,” I reply and take her hand as she helps me up onto unsteady feet. I inhale a deep breath and she looks around the room and smiles.

“You know, Indi, you had nothing to worry about. This looks a lot like my place,” she says and it gives me a reason to half smile. I know it doesn’t, but she’s trying to make me feel better and I’m grateful for that.

“Thanks, Kenz, for being here. You got here right when I needed you the most,” I say and she smiles and slaps my shoulder.

“Well sister, I’m a nurse so breakdowns and people losing the plot are kinda my things,” she teases and I half smile again.

“I did lose the plot there for a bit didn’t I?”

“I was thinking of calling the wagon with the strait jackets to lock you up. But you pulled yourself out just in time,” she says and I furrow my brows and frown at her.

“Joking, Inds,” she says and I exhale and wipe my cheeks again. “So I have brownies.” She walks out of my bedroom into the lounge room, and I take another deep breath and follow her out. Thank God she hasn’t made a big deal about me falling apart like that. She’s the only one other than Caleb’s family who knows about my past. Well, scrap that, the whole fucking world knows about my fucking past now. Man this is so fucked up. But I’m glad I have someone to help me through it this, this time.

I walk out into the lounge room and notice a massive box full of brownies, and I think I love her just a little bit right now.

“C’mon, come sit on the lounge suite and you can tell me all about last night, or not, whatever you want to do.”

I smile and walk over and sit down next to her taking a brownie from the box. I don’t care that it’s seven in the morning, I need chocolate!

I tell Kenzi all about what happened with Caleb and his slut. Kenzi sits and listens, taking it all in. She really is the best listener I’ve ever known. But then again, she is the only person I’ve ever had that I can talk to like this to other than Caleb, so I guess that’s why I love her so much.

We met my first day on the job at the hospital. She’d been working there for a couple of years and knew everyone, and if you know Kenzi you know she likes to boss everyone around. So she took charge of me and has been my boss and my best friend ever since. We hit it off instantly. I was the quiet girl that didn’t make an effort to talk to anyone, so no one made the effort with me. Except for Kenzi that is.

Whether she did it because she was in charge of me or because she’s just such a beautiful person, I’m not sure. But either way, I’m glad that she decided to try and break down my barriers because despite us being polar opposites, we suit each other really well. She balances me out, and I calm her down when she gets too hyped up about things. She can get very excited and sometimes she just needs a cool head to bring her back down to earth.

An hour passes with me crying once more, and Kenzi cursing Caleb’s name and swearing to find him and shove the wilting roses up his fucking arse. I’m feeling a little calmer about it all, but somehow I keep wishing that Caleb would make an effort to tell me why the hell he would do something like this to me. I can’t honestly believe he could be so immature about it all. I take a sip of my freshly brewed tea as there’s a knock on the door. I look at Kenzi and her eyes open wide.

“I bet it’s him coming to grovel!” she says. “Let me answer the door and tell him I’m your lesbian lover—”

“What? No!” I say and she smiles brightly and races for the door.

“Kenz stop!” I call out, but she is so quick I hardly have time to put my cup down and get up before she reaches the front door.

“I’m her lesbian lover!” she says opening the front door and then I see her take a step back. “Oh,” she exclaims and then looks at me with her eyes open and her mouth agape.

“What? What is it?” I ask and she looks back out the door and I tense up.

“Kenz?”

“Indi, don’t come over here,” she says while trying to shut the door. I race forward and grab the door before she shuts it. I notice two photographers out the front of my home and they see me and start snapping like crazy.

“Indica, is it true you broke Caleb’s heart, and you’ve moved on already? And with a woman?”

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” a man calls out to Kenzi.

“Shit sorry, Indi, I didn’t know,” she says and I shake my head.

“No, you guys have it all incorrect. I’m not the one who broke me and Caleb up. He’s the one who did everything wrong! Stop writing about me and my past, you have no right to talk about me in any way. Please leave me alone and get off my property,” I say as they continue to take happy snaps.

“Indica, are you officially coming out?”

“What? No! I’m not a lesbian. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian, mind you. Oh, for crying out loud, why do I have to explain anything to you? Get the hell off my property!”

“Did you know you broke Caleb’s heart so bad that he’s thinking of giving up his career before it’s actually begun?”

“What?” I ask suddenly shocked.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough. You guys need to leave. Indi is not a lesbian. Caleb broke her heart. We don’t care if he sings or not. The guys a creep, and he and you guys need to leave Indi alone. Now fuck the hell off before we call the police!” Kenzi says grabbing me and pulling me away from the door while I stand there in shock. She slams the door shut, and I wrap my arms around myself trying not to cry…again.

“Indi?” she asks and I look up at her.

“He can’t give up on Staked,” I say and she shakes her head.

“He won’t, Indi. They’re just saying that to get a rise out of you. It’s what they do. Remember, they twist everything to make the story bigger than what it really is,” she says pulling me back into the lounge room. She walks over to the window and pulls the curtains closed.

“How did they know where I live?”

“I guess they looked it up. They knew your name. I suppose it’s not that hard to find out when you really want to you know?”

“Jesus Kenzi! When did my life become such a mess?” I ask and she chuckles.

“Easy, when you walked in on a kid being bullied, and you stood up for him,” she says and I exhale at the memory of when I first met Caleb. He was such a scrawny little kid. Nothing like the bulky, strong man I know now. He was so tiny and frail. I think he was sick even then, we just didn’t know how sick he would get. I shake my head at the memories flooding back.

“Ahhh, fuck you, Caleb!” I yell and Kenzi laughs.

“That’s good, cathartic, let it all out,” she says and I chuckle and swallow hard as I pick up another brownie and shove it in my mouth stopping more expletives from exiting.

Another hour passes and Kenzi is trying to distract me by talking to me about this guy she likes. I have no idea who she’s talking about because she goes through men like I would imagine Caleb used to go through girls. Well, probably still does. Stupid jerk! There’s another knock on my door and I huff and shake my head.

“Bloody reporters won’t take the hint!” I say storming over to the front door to tell them to fuck off again. I open the door, still with my bed hair and pyjamas and get ready to yell expletives when I spot some young girls standing at my door gawking. One with blonde hair, more like white and the other a flaming red colour.

I furrow my brows and purse my lips. “Um, can I help you?” I ask and they both look me up and down like I’m trash. They must only be sixteen, seventeen at the most.

“You’re it?” one of them says and then looks at the other and smirks.

“Wow! I had no idea his taste was in his arse?” the other girl says, and I tense up and cross my arms over my chest standing taller.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“So you’re Caleb from Staked’s ex-girlfriend, right?” the blonde one asks.

I move my weight to one hip and huff. “No, what are you doing here?” I ask.

“Indi, who is it?” Kenzi calls out.

“Ha! See it is you, Indi Malone. Caleb loved you and you broke his heart, you bitch!” Red says and I furrow my brows and frown at them.

“Excuse me?”

“How could you? He’s the ultimate hot rocker, and you treated him like a worthless dog. You’re nothing but a minging slurry!” Blondie says and my anger boils inside of me, that these teenagers that don’t know me or Caleb, and yet here they are judging me like this.

“You don’t even know me!”

“We’re Caleb’s biggest fans. We know everything about you, Indi. We read all about you this morning, and then again when the cameras found you here. We live one street over and recognised your house. How could you possibly break up Staked? If he stops singing because of you, we will never let you live it down as long as you live here,” Blondie says.

“Yeah!” Red agrees.

“You guys are so young. Do you even know what you are saying? I mean love Caleb’s music by all means, but declaring war on me? What would your parent’s think?” I ask and they laugh and shake their heads.

“We love Caleb, and one day we’ll get to show him how much we did for him!” Red says and I furrow my brows in confusion.

“What do you mean?” I ask and they take a step back and Red pulls out a camera and Blondie pulls out a bag and then starts throwing things at me. Something cracks me in the head as they begin laughing maniacally. Pain rips over my forehead while something oozes down my face and I wipe at my head to see the egg. Blondie continues to throw eggs at me while Red takes photos as they laugh.

“Indi?” Kenzi calls out as I scream at the girls to fuck off and then slam the door shut.

Kenzi rushes to my side and looks at all the egg stains on my pyjamas, face and hair and she shakes her head.

“What the fuck?”

I can’t hold in my emotions anymore and tears break the barrier once more as I start to cry.

Hard.

Caleb has done this.

He’s made me into London’s most hated woman, and now I’m not safe even in my own home.

“Jesus fucking Christ! Okay, let’s get you cleaned up,” Kenzi says and walks with me back into my bedroom.

“I don’t care what you say, Indi, you’re coming over to my place to stay for a while until this all blows over,” she says, and for the first time in a long time I don’t feel like arguing.

“Okay,” I agree quickly as I slide off my top and wipe the egg from my face, in more ways than one.