Over the next week, Brax and I find ways to sneak around while no one is watching, snatching stolen kisses and cuddles when we can. Each night he comes to my room and we go through the same dance. We have wild, passionate sex, cuddle for a long while, then just as I feel comfortable enough and think that he might actually stay—just as I start to get sleepy—his shoulders tense, his breathing escalates and his words become evasive as he leaves for his own room. Every night he leaves me wondering why he doesn’t want to spend the night with me. Is it purely because he doesn’t want Hunter to find out, or is it because he honestly just doesn’t want to sleep next to me? The thought is unsettling making my anxiety peak every time he walks out my door.

At first I was hurt, now the emotion is turning into annoyance. I want to talk to him about it, but I don’t know how to bring it up, and basically I’m a little scared as to what his answer might be.

 

***

 

The tour is heading to Aberdeen and Brax is excited because his family’s coming to the show to watch Red Velvet perform. Which means he not only gets to see his family, but I’m going to meet them, which after knowing him for only a few weeks, I have to say, is a little daunting. My stomach’s been twisting on itself all day at the thought of meeting his parents. His siblings I’m not so worried about, but I want to make a good impression on his parents in case this ‘thing’ with him goes further than whatever it is we’re doing at the moment. I know we both care for each other, but his aversion to spending the night with me makes me wonder if this is just sex for him and nothing more?

As I fuss about my dress in the green room at the pub, the noises fade into the background blending into a persistent hum as I warm up my vocal cords. I know it’s nearly time to head on stage and Brax’s family is probably here. My heart is thrumming harder than my normal pre-show buzz and the small beads of sweat forming on my forehead are a dead giveaway that my anxiety is starting to peak. Rubbing my shaking sweaty palms on my dress as I pace the red stained carpet, my feet feel like lead weights as I shuffle them along the floor.

“Amber,” Brax’s deep voice soothes me slightly, but when I look up my heart lurches into my throat. Standing with him are four people I’ve never seen before, two women and two men. My breath catches as I wipe my shaking sweaty hands again as they all walk up to me smiling brightly.

“Shit,” I mumble to myself plastering on a fake smile.

“Amber, meet my parents Sandra and Oscar, and my brother Derek, and little brat sister, Evie.”

I look at them all and see where Brax gets his good looks. His dad is tall and stocky with salt and pepper hair, his chiselled jaw is soft as he smiles at me and his green eyes sparkle against the dim light of the room. His mother’s blonde hair reminds me of my mother. It stops my heart in my chest for the briefest of moments before she pulls me into a tight embrace, wrapping her arms around me taking me by surprise. I giggle slightly as I embrace her back. I look at Brax, who chuckles while Sandra holds me at an arm’s length. I bite my lips together to try and stop myself from laughing at the awkwardness I feel.

“God, you’re right, Alex. She is beautiful,” Sandra says. I look at Brax and smirk as he glances at me and winks.

“It’s n…nice t…to meet you,” I somehow stutter out, my nerves getting the better of me. Inwardly I cringe at my own ineptitude.

“Oh honey, the way Alex has been talking about you it’s like we already know you, and you’re a part of the family, right guys?” Sandra says and Oscar and Derek laugh as Evie grins placing her hand on my arm gently. Her perfect smile lights up the room. Chocolate curls fall beautifully over her shoulders and her delicate features make her look younger than her tender age of twenty.

“Oh yes, I’ve always wanted a sister and I know we could practically be best friends,” Evie says and my eyes open wide as she beams with honest excitement.

I giggle nervously. I’ve never known people to be so forward and accepting of someone before. His family is amazing.

“Oh God, guys, ease up a bit. Don’t smother her.” Brax’s eyes are furrowed as he looks at me like he’s worried they’re scaring me off.

Smiling, I’m trying to ease his concern. “Well, I only have a stinky brother, so a sister would be a nice change,” I say and Evie jumps on the spot wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

“This is so exciting being backstage with a rock star who’s dating my brother. Could this get any better?”

My heart races in my chest at the thought that Brax has told his family that we’re dating? Looking at him, his chest is rising and falling quickly watching me as I raise an eyebrow in confusion. I had no idea we had a label.

I mean, are there feelings? Yes, for sure.

Have we slept together? Yes, multiple times.

But dating? I had no idea he saw us that way, and to be honest, I didn’t think he saw me as anything more than sex with the way he’s been leaving me night after night. I’m so confused right now, and the squeak of my teeth grinding together as I breathe through my nose sends a chill down my spine.

“Okay guys, Amber has to go on stage now. Head out, so she can get ready and I’ll meet you out there,” Brax announces glancing from me to his family, then back to me furrowing his eyebrows as his breathing hitches up a notch like he’s panicking.

“Okay, and again pleased to meet you, Amber. We’ll see you after the show. Good luck, break a leg or whatever it is you’re supposed to say,” Sandra says.

Smiling, I nod letting out a small giggle even though my insides are burning.

“Thanks, guys, enjoy the show.” Waving I watch as his family all exit happily out of the green room away from the tension that’s expanding inside me. Looking up at Brax, his shoulders slump and he looks down at me once they’re out of sight. His hands come to rest heavily, feeling like the weight of the world is now resting firmly on my shoulders.

“The whole dating thing…” he pauses looking down into my eyes.

“Mmm,” is all I can manage in response.

He swallows hard. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal if you don’t want it to be. I let it slip to Evie that I liked you and that we had a connection, and she assumed we were dating. It was easier to let her think that than to try and explain what is going on,” he clarifies, but not very clearly because now I’m confused.

“Well, what is going on Brax?”

He looks at me and his eyes dart around trying to focus on something, eventually finding their focus back on my eyes after I exhale catching his attention.

“I don’t know, I like you. A lot. I like spending time with you, and I hate hiding it behind closed doors and keeping it from Hunter and Mase. I just want to be able to kiss you in public.” His hand comes up caressing my cheek and I bite my bottom lip in response.

I want that too, but Hunter won’t be so accepting, and Mase will be devastated. No this has to stay a secret, whatever this is.

“I know it’s hard, but this is how it has to be for now. And anyway, you can’t even stay the night with me. You can’t be that serious about me if you can’t stand to sleep next to me.”

He furrows his brows and shakes his head letting out a frustrated exhale. “Amber, I want to sleep next to you. I want to sleep with you in my arms all night long. Trust me, I want that so bad it hurts—”

“Then what the fuck, Brax?”

He chuckles and caresses my face further. “It’s complicated.”

I groan in annoyance. “Then tell me, I might understand—”

“Amber, please don’t push this—”

“Time to go on stage Amber,” Hunter calls out walking in to see Brax with his hand on my cheek and us standing in very close proximity. We quickly back away from each other while Hunter glares in our direction with cold, flinty eyes. His nostrils flaring and his face reddening into such a deep crimson, I feel that if one of us doesn’t say something soon, the pulsating vein in his forehead might actually explode.

“Okay, I’m coming now,” I reply and start walking toward him.

Brax follows and Hunter’s eyes dart from me to him. My quivering, twitchy muscles roll as a flutter fills my stomach and not in a good way. I lick my lips as my dry mouth reminds me of my nerves, but this isn’t pre-show nerves, this is Hunter’s disapproval nerves. Hunter grabs my arm as I walk past him stopping me in my tracks. I glance up at him, my heart racing faster by the minute at what he might say.

Please don’t make me hate you.

“Keep your mind on the job, Amber, and your daughter.” His words slice through his gritted teeth, the dim light shining against Hunter’s glistening eyes makes me tense up. It shows me he’s emotional about this. He saw a moment between Brax and me that he shouldn’t have, and now he knows there’s definitely something happening behind the scenes. He was bound to find out sooner or later.

“Hunt, I need to be on stage.”

With a grunt, his tight fingers around my arm ease their grip and he lets me go. Breathing a relieved sigh, I walk past him and don’t look back. Hoping nothing I’ve said or done is a problem between Hunter and Brax, but I don’t stick around to find out. My feet race quickly toward the stage, their light movement on the wooden floorboards sends butterflies into my tummy wondering if the quick speed will trip me up. It doesn’t. I reach the stairs and race up them to see the guys all preparing their instruments for the gig. Mase turns to see me jogging up the stairs and the beam from the spotlight catches his face, and only seems to enhance his smile showing his dimples. The way he smiles at me makes me feel like I could conquer the world. My lungs expand as I pull in a deep breath and stride over to the front of the stage. Even though Mase looks at me and I feel good about myself, I know I can’t return the gaze he’s sending. I don’t feel like he does, and I don’t want to give him the wrong impression.

“You doing okay?” Mase asks as I march up to the microphone.

Smiling at him so he doesn’t catch on about any of the drama that just happened backstage with Brax and Hunter, he grins at me.

“I’m great. Brax’s family are here, so we have to perform really well,” I suggest. He looks down to the front of the stage where the Braxton’s are standing eagerly waiting to hear Red Velvet perform. Especially Evie, who’s now gazing up at Mase biting her bottom lip, her chest heaving slightly and her legs tightly pressed together. I giggle inwardly because I know he has that effect on most women, just not me.

“Yeah, well his sister is cute.”

I look up at him and smirk as he looks at me holding his breath, his eyes darting from me to Evie as he breathes heavily like he’s waiting for me to object. A pang of sadness washes over me that he’s resorting to trying to make me jealous. When will he understand?

“She’s gorgeous, you should talk to her after the show,” I say trying to let him know his little plan didn’t work the way he so obviously wanted it to.

He lowers his head pressing his lips tightly together. Slumping his shoulders, as his posture hunches, he lets out a heavy sigh. “What good would that do, she lives in Scotland and I live in England. It’s doomed from the start, just like every relationship of mine,” he murmurs the last part as his feet shuffle along the stage floor, his back turning to me as he walks away.

Chewing on my lip my stomach knots—I’ve done this to him. I feel awful, but I can’t pretend to love him when I simply don’t. It’s not fair on him, or me.

My skin prickles and it feels like the electricity in the room has just amplified and is leaching into the air. Looking back down at Brax’s family, I see Brax now with them and I can’t hold back my smile. He’s chatting with his brother, who’s just as handsome as he is, only slightly younger and not as well built. Their laughter fills the pub even with the noise of the other people who are gathering for the show, and it’s nice to see the interaction with Brax and his family. I miss that environment. It makes me wish I had a bigger family that I could rely on, but it’s just me, Charli and Hunter, and he’s annoyed with me now so I’m feeling a little deflated.

My microphone cord is wrapped around the stand, so I bend down to untangle it and Evie walks up and smiles at me.

“Hey, I hope I’m not interrupting. I can’t wait to hear you guys live,” she says. Her voice a high pitch as she raises up on her toes and her hands flick out to her sides and then slap against her legs in an excited gesture.

I can’t contain my grin and my chest rumbles with a small laugh. “No, it’s okay we have a minute or so before we start. Thanks so much. I hope you like our stuff—”

“Oh, I love your music. I heard you guys play at the concert you backed up for Staked and Peripheral. You were amazing and I’ve kind of been stalking you ever since. When Alex said he was working for you, I nearly died.” Her emphasis on the word died makes me giggle at her enthusiasm for my band. I love it when people connect with us and our music, it makes all the negatives worth it.

“Well, thanks, Evie. I’ll make sure to send you some merchandise when we get home,” I say honestly. She squeals bouncing up and down and clapping her hands making me laugh again.

“Oh my God, you’re literally the best.” Her smile is so full, I just want to lean down and hug her. She really is the cutest, and I can’t help but notice Brax watching us with his hands in his pockets and the most adorable smile on his face.

“Amber, you ready?” Mase asks walking up behind me. I turn looking up at him as he glances down at me and then his eyes shift to Evie and his sour expression softens a little when he smiles at her.

A slight giggle passes from Evie's lips and I nod at Mase. “Yep.” Looking back at Evie I smile at her. “I’ll talk to you after, okay?”

Her eyes haven’t left Mason at all, she slowly nods her head and steps back away from the stage smiling like the Cheshire cat toward my guitarist. I stand up and chuckle to myself. Mason has a fan, and I hope it makes him feel good about himself.

Taking my place at the mic, I look back at the guys and they all look ready to go. So I grab the cool metal and talk into it gaining everyone’s attention.

“Hi Aberdeen, we’re Red Velvet. Tonight, I’d like to dedicate this show to someone very special.”

Mase looks at me raising his eyebrows, as this wasn’t part of the plan, and he has no idea what I’m about to do. I watch Evie and Derek walk into the middle of the dancefloor. The crowd cheer, and I smile at them and wave my hands in the air for them to keep cheering.

“So tonight this performance goes out to Evie, in the words of Stevie Wright, ‘Evie let your hair hang down’.” I glance at her and she lets out an excited scream. I chuckle as she’s smiling so wide I’m sure her cheeks must be hurting, as she jumps up and down on the spot and throws her hands in the air. “Have fun everyone, let’s rock this shit.” With those words, Mase grinds on his guitar at the same time Cooper starts the drum beats and Jayce enters in with the fat bass. The music blares through the speakers reverberating through the pub and vibrating within my soul.

I glance down at Brax and he’s smiling as he stands by the stage with his father and mother who are moving to the melody. I open my mouth and the lyrics flow effortlessly to the song I’ve sung a million times.

 

***

 

The crowd erupts into applause as I throw my hands in the air. Beads of sweat form and slide down my forehead as the heat from the lights blast down like harsh rays of sunlight from above. I take my final bow as Evie is screaming the loudest over everyone, which causes me to giggle while I turn around and walk off the stage. Brax doesn’t follow. I knew he wouldn’t, the crowd here is fine, no trouble at all. His family is here and I’m sure he’ll lead them back to the green room shortly. My steps into the back room are heavy, I feel dehydrated and exhausted after performing my heart out on stage. I put everything I had into that performance. I really wanted to impress Brax’s family, and I just hope I did a good job for them. After all, them liking me is high on my list. I’m not sure why it’s so important for me, but their approval means everything.

Stepping up to the small white bar fridge, the door sticks slightly as I go to open it. I pull harder and the whole thing shudders as it lets go and opens. I cringe and shake my head as I pull out a bottle of water and the dampened hammer of the rubber seal marks the end of my act. The coolness of the refreshing liquid instantly quenches my insatiable thirst as I gulp it down hurriedly. Closing my eyes, I let myself drown in the refreshing beverage and relax my tense muscles listening to the powerful footsteps of heavy bodies coming into the room.

“Geez Amber, it’s not vodka, don’t make love to it or anything,” Jayce’s voice echoes through the room. I take my final gulp and pull the bottle from my lips taking in a deep lungful of much-needed air. Turning to look, I see my band and Hunter all in the room and I smile at the men in my life all watching me with great big smirks on their faces.

“It is vodka,” I reply and Cooper and Jayce burst out laughing and Mace and Hunter frown.

Hunter furrows his brows and walks over to me taking the bottle so forcefully, water spills over the edge and cascades onto the floor in small rivulets. I roll my eyes as he puts it to his nose and sniffs.

“Oh my God Hunt, calm the fuck down. I’m kidding,” I say and pat his shoulder as his lips form a tight line and he squints at me, his brows furrowed.

“Well, I needed to check…you’re doing stupid things lately,” he says.

I scoff and fold my arms over my chest. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Hey guys, my family wanted to say goodbye before they left,” Brax’s voice interrupts before Hunter gets a chance to start an argument with me.

“Oh great, come on in,” I call out pushing past Hunter with force, walking toward Brax and his family. Brax smiles and the heat in his stare makes me want to jump and wrap myself around him smothering myself in him in every way possible.

I swallow hard and look away from him to his mother. Her bright eyes shining with excitement against the hues of the dimly lit room.

“Oh, Amber darling, your voice is hypnotic, simply beautiful,” she says rushing her hands out. I smile as her soft, delicate hands take mine and her thumbs rub gently over the backs of my skin.

“Thank you, you’re too kind,” I say and Evie laughs.

“No way, Mum’s right Amber, you’re amazing.”

I shake my head—I hate compliments I never know how to act when given them.

“She really is,” Brax murmurs and I look up at him noticing everyone in the room is looking at Brax too.

“Anyway, thanks for letting us come to the show guys, it was great to see and meet you all,” Oscar says and Sandra lets my hands go. Looking back at the rest of the band, they all nod and smile courteously.

“No worries, any friend of Brax, is a friend of ours,” Cooper says and Jayce slaps him on the back of the head.

“They’re family, not friends, dick,” Jayce berates and everyone chuckles.

“Well then, I guess any family of Brax is a family of ours?” he says more like a question and we all laugh at him.

Sandra nods and smiles. “I’m happy to have you all as adopted children. You should all come up and visit us at the house when you can,” she says and Brax laughs.

“I think they have better things to do with their time than to come and visit, Mum,” he suggests and she pouts as the rest of the band smile at her.

“Okay, well, we better go and leave you to it. Come and see us when you can,” Oscar says putting his hand out for Brax to shake. He smiles at his dad and leans in hugging him instead. I smile and look away letting them have their moment.

I hear a sniff and look at Sandra to see her eyes glistening with tears. My chest tightens for her, she’s only just got her son back from his time in the Army and now he’s spending all his time away from home in England with me. I feel sorry for taking him away from them. He pulls back from his dad and steps up to his mum wrapping her up in his arms tightly and she can’t hold back her emotion and starts to cry.

Evie and Derek both exhale as Oscar pats her back.

“Mum, please don’t cry,” Brax murmurs.

“I just don’t know when I’ll see you next,” she splutters.

“I’ll be home for Christmas, I promise,” he says and she stops crying slightly and cuddles him tighter.

“That would be lovely. You’re all welcome to come too if you want,” she says.

I smile and inwardly cringe. I wish I could have a big Christmas. However, mine will be filled with remembering my mother and all the good times we shared. Remembering all the things I’m missing out on and watching Charli grow up without a grandmother.

My Christmas will be hell on earth.