Annie and I spent the rest of my party in my room making up songs and singing about men being arseholes. It made the night tolerable, and for once I saw a brighter side to my sister and it was fun. Seeing her like that made me happier, and I think it uplifted us both when we were feeling down.

It’s been a week since my over-the-top party and now I’m super excited and driving to London to spend the weekend with Danger. He landed about an hour ago and needed some time to settle in and talk to his PR people before I arrived, hence why I didn’t meet him at the airport in Heathrow. But he should be done with all the formalities by the time I drive up there, so then we can spend the majority of the weekend together before he has some more PR stuff to do at the very end when I will leave and come back home leaving him to his band matters.

I’m so excited I could burst as I drive along the freeway and sing along to the top forty music as loud as my lungs will allow. My heart is fluttering all the way and I haven’t seen him for six whole weeks, after being with him every day for six months. Not seeing him has been driving me mental. But in an hour or so, I’ll be walking into the hotel room and I honestly cannot wait.

Driving the rest of the way smiling and singing cheerily, I pull into the underground carpark of the Hyatt hotel and step out of my car letting the valet take my keys and park my car. My luggage is taken from me and I let them know I’m in the penthouse. Danger made sure that we are spending the weekend in luxury and I’m so glad that he’s going all out for us. My heart is beating fast as I skip into the hotel knowing that Danger is here, and I’m so close to seeing him again my body is aching. My stomach is in knots and the butterflies aren’t helping unravel the tightness.

Walking up to the elevator, I press the button while tapping my foot impatiently waiting for the doors to open. Quickly I pull out my phone and send a text to Danger letting him know I’m on my way up. My smile is all encompassing as I walk into the open elevator and turn around looking out at the world who are oblivious to my elation. The doors close and I jump on the spot slightly. Suddenly Chad’s face flashes through my mind and I furrow my brows and shake my head trying to rid the image. He has no place being here right now. Now, is all about Danger. So I push Chad to the furthest recess of my mind, and when the doors open, I smile again and rush out and down to the door of the penthouse suite.

I’m excited as I retrieve the keycard and swipe the door. When I walk in, the room is quiet and there’s no sign of Danger. I thought he’d be here waiting at the door for me. I step in and close the door with a click. Then hear soft music playing and a slow smile crosses my face as I look down to see a line of rose petals making their way through the room. I follow the petals with my heart racing and my excitement building exponentially. I step into the bedroom of the penthouse and the floor is littered with petals and there are candles everywhere, the room looks beautiful. I’m completely awestruck as I walk in to see Danger sitting on the bed holding a bunch of red roses with the brightest smile on his face. The sight of him instantly sets my body on fire and my heart skips into my throat and I smile so wide feeling like my lips are going to fall off my face.

I rush forward as he stands up throwing the flowers on the bed and I lunge into his arms. He embraces me tightly, wrapping his strong arms around me, pulling me so tightly to him I can hardly breathe. Nuzzling into my hair as I cuddle him with everything that I have, I suddenly feel overly emotional. He chuckles and picks me up twirling me around then places me back to the ground, then pulls my head back making me look him in the eyes. Mine are watering as I breathe in staggered breaths and he’s smiling so bright it knocks the wind from me.

“God, I missed you, sugar,” he says and before I have time to think his lips crash to mine and he devours me completely.

My mouth opens giving him access and our tongues dance together needing the friction they’ve been missing. His piercing teasing me, giving me the satisfaction I’ve been missing out on for the last six weeks. Everything feels right again. For the last six weeks something has felt off. My scales have been tipped on an uneven measure, and I didn’t know what was weighing me down until now. Danger was missing, he was my missing piece and now I feel whole again as he kisses me so passionately it’s making my knees weak. His hand runs up under my shirt along my naked back and the warmth of his hand sets me on fire. He clenches his fingers into my skin as his other hand grips my hair pulling my face closer to his. He needs me as much as I need him right now and our bodies are aching to be together.

My heart is racing and my head is spinning from the thought that Danger is finally here holding and kissing me that I feel so overly emotional that I begin to cry through our passionate kiss. He slowly pulls back and through his panting breaths he looks at me furrowing his brows and shaking his head resting his forehead leisurely against mine.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks and my chest tightens as he calls me baby.

“No, nothing. I’m just so…happy. I’ve missed you so much and I can’t believe you’re actually here with me, and all this…is so beautiful. It feels like a dream.”

“Not a dream sugar, I’m really here. This is actually happening, and I’ve missed you so God damned much it hurts,” he admits and I purse my lips together and nod my head knowing exactly how he feels. He turns slightly and leans backward picking up the bunch of flowers and hands them to me.

“These are for you.”

Smiling, I take the flowers from him and smell them. They really are stunning and there must be at least two dozen beautiful roses.

“Thank you, you didn’t need to do that. And all this, the petals and the candles...it’s so beautiful, it’s far more than I deserve,” I say and he shakes his head and takes the flowers from me placing them back on the bed again and then takes both my hands in his.

“Ella, you deserve the world, and I want to give it to you if you let me?”

“I don’t need the world, Danger, all I need…is you,” I admit honestly and he grins and pulls me to him and leans in kissing me firmly. His hand snakes up under my shirt and he pulls me against his body. Instantly I flame with desire to be with him. I haven’t felt him for six long weeks and I know he feels the need too, as his cock grows hard against my thigh. Moaning into his mouth, my tongue dances with his as I move my hands down up to the top button of his shirt. His tattoos are barely visible from the opening of his top button. I begin to unbutton his shirt and he chuckles slightly against my lips as his hands run down my back to my arse. He grabs my arse cheeks and lifts me up suddenly. Squealing, I quickly wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as he rushes me toward the nearest wall.

“Fuck, I need you, sugar,” he says and slams me hard against the wall crashing his lips to mine and pushing his hard cock in his jeans against my pussy. I moan into his mouth and kiss him back as my hands move back to his shirt, but I’m not polite in unbuttoning his shirt this time. I grab either side and rip the buttons apart with force making them scatter to the ground. He groans against my lips and drops my legs to the ground. He shuffles out of the shirt and moves in pulling my shirt over my head. Our lips crash back together and his hands skim down to my jeans. He pulls the button undone and then pushes down the zipper. His hands slide my jeans and my panties down my thighs at the same time and I step out of my heels and then out of my jeans and panties leaving me in just my bra.

“Fuck, I’ve missed your naked body,” he says and stands up turning me around to face the wall.

My breathing is rushed and harsh as his hands run up my sides and make their way to my bra. He unclips it and it falls to the floor in front of me. I turn my head to look at him and he slaps my arse cheek hard.

“Eyes front, sugar,” he demands and I open my eyes wide and face the wall.

Hearing his fly zipper and his pants falling to the ground, I’m assuming he’s getting undressed as my heart rate is spiking waiting for him to make love to me. I guess after this long apart he will want to take it easy with me for the first time and work up to hard fucking, well that’s what I would like anyway. He steps in behind me pressing his naked body against mine. His hard cock pressing firmly into my back is making me ache for him in a way I never thought possible.

“God, I need you, Ella. I’ve needed this for so long,” he says and wraps my hair around his hand and parts my legs with his knee. Firmly he pushes me against the wall and I lean against it and take in deep steadying breaths to try and control my erratic breathing. My heart is racing so fast I feel a little dizzy as he moves in behind me pulling my hair so my head falls back. Suddenly, he pushes his rock hard cock inside me without warning and I gasp and close my eyes reeling from the sting.

“Ahh,” I moan and he groans out in pleasure as I adjust to the intrusion.

I wasn’t ready for that, and as I gasp for air trying to acclimatise to the feeling he starts to move inside me. He has me pinned to the wall and begins to pound into me. He’s groaning and taking his pleasure from me while I’m still trying to get used to him being inside of me. He didn’t warm me up and it’s taking a bit for me to get used to. It’s not hurting, but I’m not enjoying this like he is.

“Danger,” I murmur.

“I know, you feel so good,” he says through gritted teeth as he pulls on my hair and slams me harder against the wall. My head falls back and he moves in biting my neck. This is definitely hard fucking, and as I try to move along with him, I can’t help but feel a little emotional. I wanted our first time back together to be special, not animalistic. And this is definitely primal. There’s no emotion, no devotion or feeling. He’s taking his need to be sated and that’s all this is.

Is that all I am to him?

“Oh God, Ella,” he says as he fucks me hard and fast. He pulls on my hair and I flinch at the force of it as he slams into me from behind. My eyes begin to well with tears, this doesn’t feel good for me at all. I’m tender and the hard fucking he’s giving me is making me feel like a piece of meat, not like the girlfriend he’s supposed to be worshiping and adoring.

“Fuck,” he moans out loud as his body stiffens and he forces me to the wall. My cheek grinding into the hard surface of the wallpaper as tears fall down my face while he unloads inside of me groaning in unadulterated pleasure. His body slumps against my tense body and he slowly pulls out of me and chuckles to himself.

“Fuck, I needed that,” he says.

I sniff and turn around slowly wiping my face and crossing my arms over my chest cradling myself for comfort. Looking at him, he’s looking up at the ceiling in a bliss like coma. Anger washes over me and I shake my head watching him as he smiles blissfully unaware that I feel like I’m falling apart. I race forward and push his chest. He stumbles looking down at me and falls back onto the bed.

“Ella, what the fuck?” he asks and then looks at me and his blissful face falls and he frowns when he notices my tears.

I cradle myself again and turn away from him. He quickly rushes up behind me and wraps me in his arms. I try to struggle out of his grip, but he’s too strong.

“Jesus Ella, why are you crying? Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?” he asks and I turn in his grip and glare at him.

“Yes, yes, you hurt me, Danger! This was our first time back together after being apart for so long. It was supposed to be magical and passionate and wonderful, not primal and animalistic with you fucking me taking what you needed, having your way with me and using me for your pleasure. I thought I meant more to you than that, Danger? Obviously I don’t,” I say and break free from him and walk over to the bed and sit down wiping the fresh tears rolling down my pink cheeks.

“Shit. Fuck! I’m such a fucking idiot,” he says and rubs the back of his neck.

My bottom lip trembles as I look up at him while he walks over to me. He squats at the end of the bed. His chest is rising and falling fast like he’s about to panic. Looking into his eyes I see sheer terror looking back at me, which in a way settles my nerves slightly.

“Ella, I don’t even know what to say right now. I always fuck up. Every. Fucking. Time.” He takes a deep breath and grabs my hands rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs trying to comfort me. “I’m so sorry. It’s no excuse and I’m not attempting to make one, but going six weeks without having sex was so hard for me. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone without having sex since I started having sex. Withholding is so hard for me, but I did it because I knew you would want me too. Being with you feels right, so I want to do that for you and I guess when presented with sex for the first time in so long my instincts kicked in, and I just took what I wanted like I normally would. I forgot it was you, and how you deserve to be treated. My animal instincts took over and my primal need for sex overpowered my thoughts on taking things slow with you. Like I said no excuse, you deserve to hate me right now. I hate me right now. I wish I were different. I wish I weren't this guy, this sex hungry guy that took what he wanted. I wish I gave you the loving you deserve, I’m such a prick for fucking you against the wall like that, and not warming you up first. Fuck! I deserve for you to hate me right now, and I understand if you want to leave—”

“Do you want me to leave?” I ask suddenly feeling like maybe this was all an act and that maybe he doesn’t actually want me anymore.

He rises up and moves in to sit on the bed next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders noticing my distress.

“No sugar, I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay and I want to make love to you the right way when you’re not sore, and I want to make it up to you completely if you let me. I just don’t know if I deserve that chance,” he says.

I exhale and look down at my hands in my lap as some more tears gently slide down my cheeks.

“I don’t know what to think, Danger. I know your past. I know you’re broken, but you upset me. This isn’t okay,” I say and he exhales and swallows hard.

“I can go if you want to stay here for a bit. I can leave and then come back and we can talk—”

“No, I don’t want you to go, I just feel like maybe you don’t think of me the way I think of you. Maybe you don’t care about me the way I care about you,” I say and his body slumps and he tightens his grip on my shoulders and leans in kissing my head.

“I hate that I made you think that. I hate that I forget and I let my needs overtake what is important to me. You’re important to me, Ella, I wouldn’t fly half way around the world for anyone except you. You’re changing me, and I know I’m not changing as quickly as you would like, but I am trying. I’m really trying here, Ella. I’m a man going from having sex every day to not having it for forty-eight days and it’s a big thing for me. It may not seem like a big thing for you sugar, but to me it means I must really want to make an impression. I know I’m harping on, but this is huge for me and I’m doing it for you because I know you want us to be monogamous and I want to do that for you. I respect you, Ella, and respect your wishes so I’m doing this for you and I really am sorry I fucked up. I can’t even begin to describe how fucking shit I feel about it. I hurt you, I never wanted to do that. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,” he says and sniffs. I notice his eyes are watering like he’s trying to hold back tears himself.

I exhale and nod. “I’m sorry too. I’m probably overreacting,” I say and he shakes his head.

“No Ella, you’re not overreacting, don’t back down. I was wrong, I fucked this up. Just be honest with me. Did I hurt you?” he asks and brings his hand up to my cheek and caresses me tenderly.

My bottom lip trembles and I bite it to stop him from seeing. I simply nod and he slumps his body and runs his hand through his hair and groans.

“Fuck Ella,” he says and then looks at me and his eyes water so much that the seals break and he starts to cry. It instantly shocks me from feeling sorry for myself and sends me into comforting mode. I wrap my arms around him as he pulls me to him and his tears roll down my shoulder.

“Shh Danger, please don’t get upset. I’m okay. I can’t stand you being upset,” I say and he clings to me.

“I can’t believe I did that to you. I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Hey stop it. I know you didn’t do it out of harshness, I know you didn’t do it because you were treating me like one of your whores. You simply forgot for a moment. Now I’m not saying it’s okay, but I am saying I forgive you. So please forgive yourself.”

“I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you, Ella. But please let me make it up to you?” he asks and pulls back looking at me through his wet lashes and I half smile at him and nod.

“You already have, just by seeing that you’re upset by this is all the clarification I needed that you know you did wrong. That’s all I need Danger, you don’t need to make it up to me any other way.”

“Maybe you don’t need any other way to make it up to you, but I need to feel like I’m doing more, so please let me take you to the tub and take care of your sore body. Let me heal you emotionally and then later on tonight, if you’re up for it, let me make love to you the way I should have.”

He sniffs wiping a last stray tear from his face swallowing hard and he stands up. He puts out his hand and as I take it, we start to walk toward the bathroom.

“I really am sorry, Ella, I feel so bad,” he says and I shake my head moving in and wrapping my arm around his waist and cuddling into him.

“It’s forgotten, let’s just move on and be together now and enjoy the rest of the weekend okay? We only have such a short time together, let’s not waste it dwelling on the negatives yeah?”

“You’re amazing you know that?” he says as we step up to the tub.

“Not really. Thank you for telling me you haven’t had sex with anyone else, it was playing on my mind a little whether you did or not,” I say as he adjusts the taps and starts to let the water pool into the massive corner jet pool tub.

He looks back at me and smiles. “Like I said, Ella, I know monogamy is a big thing for you, so I’m trying. I want to do this right with you,” he says and I smile and rub his back tracing his tattoo.

Even though our first meeting wasn’t the highlight I wanted it to be, at least I got the honesty from him I was craving. Sure the sex was horrible, but he’ll make up for that later I’m sure, and to be honest, I guess being with Danger is like a wild ride, you never know which side of him you’re going to get. I just have to hang on and prepare myself for the ups and downs that come along with the rollercoaster ride that is Danger.