The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you.

You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.

Bob Marley

 

Milan pats me on the back as we walk toward the exit of the tacky and falling apart Amsterdam radio station while we all laugh at the joke he just made that wasn’t exactly funny.

“But in all seriousness, excellent interview Amber. I’m sure the audience of KP94 Community Radio were very excited to hear about Red Velvet’s developments,” Milan says.

I look at my twin brother Hunter and roll my eyes. “Thanks for having us, Milan. We really appreciate it,” I say oozing so much sweetness I think I just developed diabetes.

“It was my pleasure, Amber. You guys are welcome here anytime. I must rush, I’m back on the air in five. You’ll see yourselves out?” Milan asks.

Hunter chuckles. “Yeah sure. Thanks again, we’ll see you next time.” He takes my arm and leads me toward the painted green door marked fire exit, with its flecks of paint falling from the surface.

“Tot ziens,” Milan says, ‘see you later’ in Dutch, and turns around and retreats back down the tattered hall we just walked through.

I roll my eyes again and look at Hunter trying to contain my smirk.

Hunter shakes his head with a grin. “Don’t say a word, not a single word. They might have cameras or microphones in here. Wait till we get in the car,” he says reading me like a book.

He opens the heavy green door while I giggle, and the fresh afternoon air hits me with the smells of the diminishing days of summer. The rays of sunshine invade my eyes making it hard to see. It’s August and today’s mildly warm, but the sun is still shining brightly. I pull my sunglasses down from the top of my head to shade my eyes from its glare. The door closes behind me and I let out a laugh.

“Seriously Hunter?” I ask and he laughs at me and shakes his head. “Was that guy high or just completely brain dead? Because honestly, if he asked me one more time about my thoughts on how rap music was responsible for the polar ice caps melting, I was going to scream. Our music genre is not rap, so why ask me? Stupid git!” I murmur.

Hunter laughs as three girls all differing in height and stature stare at me as they walk toward us.

“Hey you,” one of the girls calls out.

I stop and look at them then smile. “Hi, can I help you?” I ask as Hunter stops and looks back at me.

“Yeah, are you Amber Jewel? That chick from Red Velvet?” one of the others asks as they walk right up to me.

I nod and smile. “Yeah, that’s me. Were you listening to the interview?”

They scoff. “No, we wouldn’t listen to you. We just heard you were going to be here and we wanted to see you for ourselves,” the brunette and tallest one of the three says.

I furrow my brows at her menacing tone and stand a little straighter as Hunter starts to walk back.

“I’m sorry, is there something you want?” I ask.

“To seek revenge,” the shortest one says making the hairs on my arms stand up.

“Ex…cuse me?” I stutter out.

“This is for Annie,” the short girl says and the other two cheer out as she lunges forward before I can react and pushes me. I stumble backward into a fire hydrant and yelp out in pain as it connects with my lower back.

“What the fuck?” Hunter yells out.

The girls descend on me and before I have a chance to think about anything or get my bearings, they surround me and start screaming at me. One girl slaps my face hard and it snaps to the side making me lose my footing. My ankle twists and I fall down smacking my back on the fire hydrant again. I yelp in pain as one of the girls grabs my hair pulling it forcefully and yanking my head from side to side. One of them is standing back and holding her phone out videoing, as the girls continue their verbal assault. Pain is searing through my head as the girl rips at my hair. I’m sure chunks are being pulled out. I yell for them to fuck off, but they just keep screaming at me. Flailing my hands about, I attempt to fight them off as the tall girl keeps trying to slap at me. Each hit that connects stings and my body aches from the fall into the hydrant. Hunter is by my side and trying to diffuse the situation by pulling the girls away from me, but they keep coming back every time he manages to pull one off.

“Why are you doing this?” Hunter berates as the two girls keep screaming their verbal attack.

“Annie and Aston! Amber came between them and broke them up. She kept them apart for so long, she needs to suffer like they did,” the girl videoing says as the other two keep yelling so much their spittle is hitting me in the face. Hunter pulls the girl still trying to grab at my hair, she screams as he throws her back and away from me, she falls and skims across the pavement like a lifeless rag doll. I finally look up and as I do the tall girl manages to get a slap in and it hits me right in the eye. My head flies back as I try to pull away from her, but all I manage to do is to jar my neck.

“Fuck,” I yell out as Hunter grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her off me. I sink to the ground clutching at my head while the girl screams like she’s being murdered.

“Aston and Annie are together now. So what the fuck is the point of any of this? You girls are crazy!” Hunter yells. He rushes over to me and pulls me into his arms as hot tears pool in my eyes at the viciousness of the assault.

Cupping my cheek, he looks into my eyes. “Are you okay?”

Swallowing hard, I taste the metallic tang of blood in my mouth, but I manage a nod even though my body is aching.

“Amber, the pain you feel at the moment is nothing compared to what Annie felt when Aston was with you. We vowed to seek revenge for Annie and now we have. We hope you suffer for keeping true love apart. You’re the devil Amber Jewel and no one likes you,” the short girl yells as they all get up and scurry away.

Hunter is smoothing back my hair and every touch should be comforting me, but every stroke of his hand is only causing pain. He exhales and pulls me to his chest as the tears fall down my face.

“Jesus Christ, do you need to go to a hospital?” he asks.

I tense up and I shake my head against his chest. “No, I’m fine, just get me back to the hotel,” I say and he huffs and tightens his hold on me.

“Well, we should at least go to the police,” he says.

“No, no police, no hospital. I just need to get away from here,” I say. He nods and stands up, then helps me up. I groan in pain and even though my legs are a little shaky, I find I can stand.

“You doing okay?” he asks and I nod.

“Just get me back to the hotel,” I reiterate as he starts walking us to the car, every step jolts my body and is like another stab to my heart reminding me that I lost Aston.

I slide into the passenger seat and he leans over me buckling up my seatbelt and then smoothing my hair down while kissing my forehead. He shuts my door, the loud bang makes me wince at my now thundering headache. He runs around to the driver’s side and gets in, then drives off toward the hotel.

I look out the window thinking about how my life got like this. How I wish I never met Aston fucking Soulding. Everything turned to shit when I met him. The torment from the Staked fans about me being the one that kept Aston from Annie haunts me all the time. Even though Aston and Annie got their happy ever after, I’m the one who was left broken-hearted. Used and abused, and now I’m the one copping the full brunt of his fans thinking I’m the devil for keeping them apart. Even though they’re back together now.

This is bullshit and it has to stop!

My heart starts to pound and my chest tightens. Every breath feels like it’s harder than the last and the walls of the car are closing in on me. My head is spinning causing dizziness and the ringing in my ears is a constant annoyance that’s making me anxious.

“Will this ever end?” I murmur to myself as I reach into the back of the car for my handbag and I pull it into the front and onto my lap. Hunter looks at me as I search through my bag and pull out the pill container. With shaking hands, I unscrew the lid and tap out two anti-anxiety pills. Hunter immediately tenses his body and shakes his head looking at me raising his eyebrow.

“Just get me back to see Charli,” I say desperate to get back to my beautiful baby girl.

“Go easy on the pills okay, Amber?” Hunter asks looking at me and flaring his nostrils.

“Hunt, I’m fine. I just need to take the edge off, okay? The fans spooked me and hearing Aston’s name again, I just…I can’t…” I trail off as I grab a water bottle from the centre console and swallow the pills down, feeling calmer just for taking them.

He exhales resting back into the seat and pulling out his phone. “Shit like this can’t keep happening. I’m going to get you a bodyguard—”

I roll my eyes. “Hunter, no. I don’t need one—”

“Amber, yes, you do. I don’t care what you say, you’re having one assigned to you. I have a friend in mind that can help. He can protect you and Charlotte. Don’t you want your daughter to be safe, Amber?”

“Yeah, of course, don’t guilt me into this Hunt, that’s not fair,” I say and he smiles.

“It’s settled then. I’m calling Brax to see if he wants the job…no arguments. I need you and my niece to be safe. These fans aren’t going to let up, and I want you protected at all times. You guys are all the family I have.”

I swallow and nod thinking instantly of Mum and a tear forms in my eye. She died of cancer a few years back, and things haven’t been the same since. And my father, well, he bailed on our family when Hunter and I were two. We are twins, he’s older by two minutes, which he always holds against me. Hunter is a good multitasker, but when he picks up his mobile phone and starts dialing, I become annoyed.

“Hunter you’re driving, in a different country. It’s illegal to talk on your phone while driving,” I say and he shrugs.

“Only if you get caught,” he replies and looks back at the road. “Hey Brax, how are you?”

I shake my head and tune out. I don’t want to hear him talk to some meathead about babysitting me. I wipe away the residual tears and try to calm myself down a bit. Pulling my phone out of my bag, I decide to message Mason to see how my daughter Charli is doing.

Mason is the lead guitarist for Red Velvet, he’s also my best friend and the father of Charli. Three weeks after Aston left me, I was drunk. Basically, I was drunk most of the time after Aston left me. I was falling apart and Mase was there for me. He was always there when I needed him, and I really needed to feel a connection with someone. The man I was in love with left me for someone else and it hurt so bad that I didn’t want to live.

Mase was the one who pulled me through it. He showed me people cared about me and that I was loved. He showed me what it was like to be cherished and I took advantage of that. In a drunken stupor, I slept with Mason. I felt terrible after. I only did it because I was in deep dire pain and stupidly I wanted to get back at Aston. I knew full well that Mase liked me more than a friend, and I took advantage of that to make myself feel better and to seek revenge.

Well, the joke was on me because we were both so drunk when it happened we weren’t safe and the end result, I ended up pregnant. I had tests to confirm the time of conception, secretly I hoped it was Aston’s, but the dates confirmed the baby was Mason’s.

I told him and he was ecstatic. He immediately started planning our wedding and our happy family life. I, however, was hurting and depressed over losing Aston and to make matters worse now I was pregnant. I didn’t want to be a mum. I was young, only twenty-one, and my career was about to blossom after I’d taken some time off to follow Aston on tour. So now the members of Red Velvet would have to wait for me again.

Mason didn’t mind I was carrying his child after all, but Jayce and Cooper were both angry that I was fucking up the band. They’d had so much time off and they were chomping at the bit to get back into it.

I told Mase we needed to keep our relationship platonic, that I wasn’t ready for another relationship, but that I wanted him to be there for our baby. He was heartbroken. But he said he would help however he could. I ran into Aston and Annie when I was six months pregnant at a restaurant. I tried to hold myself together. I pretended to be all cocky and acted like I was fine. It was so hard. Annie freaked out thinking the baby was Aston’s and ran out. I then had to explain to Aston my fucked up situation with Mason so it wouldn’t ruin his relationship with the love of his life. Seeing Aston and wishing the entire time the baby was his threw me. I was already so depressed, I didn’t look after myself very well. I was malnourished and was constantly in the hospital with my pregnancy. After seeing Aston though, I went downhill further and Charli was delivered prematurely. She was kept in the hospital for a while after her delivery.

Mase was angry at me for not looking after Charli, but once I saw her and took in that she was a real living healthy human, I fell in love and cleaned up my act. I stopped wallowing in my own self-pity and I took care of Charli and have loved her unconditionally ever since. She’s my little angel, and even though I had post-partum depression, I never took it out on Charli.

Charli is one now, and she’s the light of my life. She’s back in Richmond, England with Mase. And just thinking of how it all began with Charli and the drama I just went through makes me want to see her desperately. So I send Mase a message.

 

Me: Hey Mase, just finished the interview, it was…interesting. How’s my angel?

 

I hit send. I decide not to tell him about the attack. I don’t want to worry him unnecessarily. My phone beeps quickly and I smile even though it hurts.

 

Mason: Charli decided that it’s more fun to wear a banana than it is to eat one.

 

I read the message then scroll down to see an attached picture with Charli sitting in her highchair and banana all over her face and in her hair. I giggle and my eyes water at seeing her. I didn’t know how much I needed her until now. My eyes flood with salt water and a tear slides down my face. I run my finger along the screen against her banana encrusted cheek and sniff wishing I was actually touching her. Wiping my cheek, I swallow my tension and exhale typing back a reply.

 

Me: She certainly wears the banana well, it’s a new trend. Give her a kiss for me and tell her Mummy loves her. xo

 

I hit send and place the phone back in my bag as the car pulls up. I look across at Hunter just as he hangs up his mobile with the corners of his mouth almost touching his eyes.

“You look happy?” I suggest and he nods.

“I am! Brax has agreed to come on board as your bodyguard. I know he’ll do a great job,” Hunter says and I groan as I slide slowly and awkwardly out of the car.

“Seriously? Is that really necessary? I mean the fans haven’t attacked physically before, and I don’t like the idea of some brute Schwarzenegger wannabe breathing down my neck twenty-four seven,” I say and he laughs.

“Amber stop being dramatic. You know Brax, he went to school with us. Plus, he’s a returned soldier so he has skills that are second to none. He’ll protect you and that’s all I care about. I don’t care if he hitches a ride on your neck as long as he stops those fuckers from touching you and Charli,” he says.

I huff and fold my arms over my chest as he opens the door to the hotel and we walk inside. The sound of our shoes tapping on the glossy marble floor is grating on my every nerve while I ignore the stares from the girls behind the desk as they take in my tussled hair.

“Okay fine, but no piggybacks or shoulder rides. This guy keeps a good distance from me, I don’t like people invading my personal space.”

“Amber, he’ll be in your space because I pay him to be there. I don’t care if you like it or not. Alex Braxton will be right up against you everywhere you go. Get used to it. This is happening,” he says and I open my eyes wide.

“Alex Braxton, that scrawny guy from gym class?” I ask and Hunter smiles.

“He’s not scrawny anymore, Amber. Trust me.”

“Whatever, if he bugs me I’ll tell him, though. And he better not touch Charli or I’ll fucking kill him myself,” I say glaring at Hunter while speaking in all seriousness.

“You make him sound like a pervert Amber, calm-your-farm girl. He’s there to serve and protect. Not to fondle either of you, so stop thinking the worst of people, okay?” he says.

I give him a curt nod and walk over to the elevator even though every step is painful.