Caleb

 

I didn’t see Indi again after she walked out. I wanted to go after her, but I needed to tell Colt I had Annie and I was bringing her home. That phone call was not pleasant and Colt demanded to know why I’d taken Annie from her party, but I decided Annie needed to step up to the plate and understand what she did was wrong. She needed to own her mistakes so I was going to make her tell Colt what had happened. Even if she hated me for it.

I drove her the hour and a half home to Oxfordshire and she slept most of the way. I did feel sorry for her though. She told me Aston tried to kiss her and that’s why she went off the rails. I was shocked because I was sure she would have wanted him to kiss her, but I guess I was wrong. I made a mental note to text Aston and see how he was doing when I get home. Seemed like tonight was a shit night for all of us. Although I can’t say seeing Indi was shit, it was far from it, it’s just leaving her that was shit. It took every ounce of strength in me to leave the hospital, but I didn’t want Annie to worry about me and Indi. I knew if I caused a scene with Indi, Annie would ask questions – questions that I didn’t want to answer.

So I let Indi go.

It was almost as hard as realising she had left without saying goodbye. As I drove home, I relived the kiss. It was brief, but I know she was there in that moment with me. I know she felt it, and I know she wanted me to kiss her back. I think it might’ve been the best kiss I’ve ever had. Even though she broke away from me.

We got back to the manor and walked inside to a waiting Colt and Lia. Annie’s parents were not happy when she told them what had happened, but she left out the part about Aston. Probably a good call because if I know Colt like I think I do, he would gut Aston like a fish if he found out. Colt sent Annie to bed and after she left Colt broke down. I’d seen him cry before when he learned that he wasn’t my father, but this was different. He was hurting and he explained it in that he felt like he was failing as a father, even though Lia and I tried our hardest to tell him that this wasn’t his fault. He took the blame hard and I knew I couldn’t help him, but Lia definitely could.

Colt asked me to stay in the guest room because it was too late to drive all the way back to London. He was angry with me at first, but once he realised the reason I didn’t call him from the hospital he soon calmed down. Let’s face it we all know he would make a scene and anyone with a camera phone could record it and release it to the press. I know I probably should’ve called, but honestly, I want our band to make it and having a scandal like the lead guitarist getting wasted and having to go to hospital is not something I wanted before we’ve even begun.

So that leaves me where I am now. Lying on the spare bed and staring at pictures of Indi on my phone. She looks different now. Her hair is shorter and she’s grown up. Her body has filled out in all the right places and just thinking about her gorgeous face makes my heart tingle and my dick twitch. I feel like I want to call her, but what good would that do? She said “no” to seeing me again. She obviously has a reason, I just wish I knew what the fuck it was.

I watch the time on my phone tick over. I haven’t slept at all, and all night all I could think of was her. Wishing I could touch her again, even just to smell her. I fantasized about kissing her lips and holding her body to mine. It feels like all the progress I made over the last six years to try and forget about her was all in vein. I’m utterly addicted to her, and I don’t think I can stay away from her. I will see her again, it’s just a matter of when.

I look at the time, it’s six-thirty in the morning. I really just want to go home and wallow. So I get up, make the bed and walk downstairs thinking everyone will still be asleep. I proceed to the kitchen and notice Colt sitting at the dining table with his head in his hands. I exhale and walk over to him.

“Did you get any sleep?” I ask and he looks up at me and shakes his head.

“Not a wink.”

I nod and take the seat next to him. “It’s not your fault you know?”

He runs his hand through his hair and exhales. “I just want the right life for my girls, you know? I’ve been where Annie is now, and if she goes down this self-destruction path, I’ll never forgive myself.”

I slump my shoulders. I knew he’d be upset by this, I just didn’t realise how much of a failure he must feel like.

“Colt, look, I’ve known you for sixteen years. We’ve shared some amazing and some devastating times together, right?”

He looks at me furrowing his brows and nods. “Right?”

“Well, in that time not once have I seen you fail. I’ve seen you there to support me. Then you were there to support Lia when she needed you the most and now you’re there for your girls. Annie has always had a temper. She’s always had a mind of her own, and that’s not a bad thing. It just means she has the most to learn. She’s smart when she tries and she’s a good person Colt, and that’s totally because of you and Lia. God knows what her real parents and family are like. They could be horrible people and that’s why she’s the way she is, because of genetics, not because of a bad upbringing. Trust me Colt, you’re doing an excellent job with my cousins, and even though technically we’re not related, I still consider Annie and Ella my flesh and blood. They mean everything to me and I know they do to you too, so don’t be so hard on yourself. They’re going to make mistakes, both of them. We just have to be here for them when they fall—”

“But if I were doing my job right they wouldn’t fall at—”

“Stop it! Of course, they would. Everyone makes mistakes no matter how they’re brought up. You’re doing a great job, just keep doing what you’re doing and everything will be fine. Annie will grow up eventually, and in the meantime, we just have to watch her back. And don’t worry, I’ll be keeping my eyes on her. Seeing her drunk like that scared the shit out of me, and her too, I think. I honestly don’t think she’ll be drinking again anytime soon.”

“You look tired, didn’t you sleep well either?” Colt asks and I chuckle not even knowing what to say to that.

“Let’s just say it was an eye-opening night. Like eyes open all night long, kind of night,” I say and Colt raises an eyebrow.

“You okay?” he asks moving his hand to rest on my shoulder.

I nod and exhale swallowing hard thinking about that kiss. “I’m okay, just had a blast from the past. I’ll be fine, just wanna go home to my own bed and sleep for a week.”

“Well Caleb, even though you’re not my son you’re my blood, and you know if something is bothering you, you can always come to me. Even if I’m having an emotional breakdown, I’ll still be here for you. You know that, right?”

“Thanks, that means a lot.”

He squeezes my shoulder and then moves his hand back through his hair again.

Standing up, I look down at him. “It’ll all work out. I promise. And don’t be too hard on her. I know she feels bad and she acted out, not that I’m making excuses for her, but she does regret her actions. Just remember that you love her,” I say and he smiles.

“Always looking out for her. Thank you, Caleb. If you didn’t find her—”

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m her cousin, it’s my job to look out for her.”

I exhale and walk over to the bench grabbing my car keys ready to leave.

“Caleb,” Colt calls out, I stop and look back at him. “I love you, kid.”

My body tenses, he hasn’t said that in a really long time and my throat chokes up. He was the father I always wanted, so him saying that fills me with joy and it makes me stop thinking about Indi for a split second.

“I love you, too,” I reply and he smiles and then puts his head back into his hands and I know our moment is over. I walk out of the kitchen and blink rapidly so the water in my eyes doesn’t overflow. It takes a lot to make me teary but hearing ‘I love you’ from Colt is something I never get tired of hearing, especially when he rarely says it. I look up to him and respect him. He was good to me when we first met, and he was the first male in my life. He showed me the kind of man I want to be, a man to emulate. I’ll never forget how he treated me and in my eyes I owe him a debt that can never be repaid. Anything I do will not be enough to equal what he gave me. So if I have to look out for his daughters, I will. Not only because I owe him, but also because I love them, even though they can be really annoying at times.

Like last night, I could’ve had a great night with Angel, but Annie interrupted with her stupidity. But then again if she didn’t, I wouldn’t know where Indi was. And now that I’m aware where she works, I might call in and see her again.

But then again, what would that accomplish if she doesn’t want to see me?

I guess, I’ll just have to bide my time until I can figure out a way to see her again.

And I will!

I can’t let the way we left things last night be the last time I see her.

I can’t and I won’t.

Getting into my car, I drive away from the manor. The big gates open and in the early morning dew it’s like it’s raining just to spite me. The weather knows how I’m feeling so it’s putting on a display to match my mood, and I couldn’t hate it more now if I tried.

“Stupid fucking rain,” I murmur to myself as I turn on the wipers. Heading out, I make my way to the main road to drive back to London. I’m kind of on autopilot and even though I know I’m driving, I can’t stop thinking about Indi.

About things we did when we were kids

About finding her parents dead in her house.

About the first time, we kissed and made love.

About how she ripped my heart out and tore it apart.

I don’t even know how long I’ve been driving and I’m surprised at how quickly I arrive at my condo. I hold the steering wheel tightly and just breathe. Closing my eyes, I can feel her lips on mine and then I think about how she wouldn’t even give me a chance to explain. My hands tighten on the wheel and my heart starts to pump faster. I’m getting angry that she dismissed me so easily and I’m even angrier that I’m not angry at her. I’m angry at me for not looking harder for her. For not trying everything in my power to find her and bring her back to me. And now that I know where she is, I’m angry at myself for not having the balls to go back and work this out with her. I grab the steering wheel hard and my knuckles turn white.

“Fuuuck,” I yell out loudly, so loudly it even shocks me. Exhaling, I loosen my grip on the steering wheel and run my fingers through my hair.

“Indi,” I murmur.

Getting out of the car, I walk slowly to my front door with a feeling of emptiness. There’s a dull ache in my chest that won’t subside. I need a fix, something to take the edge off. I press the button on my keys and lock the car and then put the key in the lock to open the front door. As I do, I pull out my phone to find the number of an angel I missed out on last night.

 

***

 

An hour later I’m full of caffeine and feel rejuvenated. Angel was asleep when I rang but perked right up when I told her it was me. She put her flirty voice on, but I cut right to the chase. I wanted her to come over and she was all for it. Now, I’m waiting in my lounge room for her to show up and, to be honest, I feel a little on edge. Might be from the lack of sleep, but more than likely it’s to do with Indi. I need to get the fuck over it ‘cause this love sick puppy shit is starting to really piss me off.

If she doesn’t have the balls to make a go of us, then neither do I!