The gentle strokes of Brax’s fingers sliding delicately up my arm sends a calm peacefulness through me as I lay with my head on his chest, cuddled into his side. Our warm naked bodies touching while our legs entwine and my hand rests on his chest over his heart makes me feel like this is the way life is meant to be. His hand comes up and lightly strokes my hair soothing me even more. I’m so relaxed I could possibly fall asleep like this, warm and safe in his arms.

“Can I ask you something?” Brax’s voice is soft and subtle with a hint of hesitation.

Shifting my head up to look at him I smile and nod. “Anything.”

He caresses my cheek and looks in my eyes. “Your freak out on stage, that was because of the song, right?”

I tense up slightly and swallow hard breaking my gaze from his. “Yeah, the ah…bassist in that band is my ex.” My voice comes out as barely a whisper as I try not to let this spoil the moment Brax and I are sharing.

“You’re not over him?” he asks, his voice cracks slightly as I look back up at him.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely over him. He was my first real love, and he pulled me from the brink when Mum died. I threw everything I had into him and it wasn’t enough. He left me for Annie, and he’s the reason you’re here,” I murmur and Brax nods and his grip on my cheek tightens.

“Then this might sound harsh, but I’m glad he broke up with you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have the pleasure of being here with you…like this.” He looks down at our naked entwined bodies and instantly my tense muscles relax. He’s right, thinking of Aston and moping over him isn’t letting me live in the now, and right now is pretty fucking awesome.

“Yeah, I’m certainly enjoying this.” My heart flutters as he gazes into my eyes, my cheeks heat thinking of the way he loved me just moments ago and a smile crosses his face.

“You’re so beautiful…and Hunter’s gonna kill me.”

My stomach convulses as I laugh while he rubs my arm as I snuggle into him further resting my head back into the crook of his neck and shoulder.

“Can you tell me about your time in Iraq?” I shock myself as the words leave my mouth, I didn’t even know they were coming.

His chest starts to rise and fall faster beneath my cheek and I know he doesn’t like to talk about it. I don’t even know why I asked. Turning my head and looking up at him, his eyebrows are scrunched tightly together and he’s frowning.

“I’m sorry, just ignore that.”

The hard look on his face softens and he glances down at me and half smiles. “No, it’s okay. I want to open up to you.”

The fact that he’s willing to talk about his past with me makes me feel like he’s comfortable enough to share some of his demons with me. He brings his hands together and as his knuckles crack they echo like gunfire through the room. Once he’s relieved his tension he places one arm back around me and the other takes my hand on his chest, entwining our fingers.

“I think the thing they never prepare you for when you’re deployed is the homelessness and poverty. The sheer chaos that war creates in people’s lives, and the fact that you can’t do a damned thing to help those poor people.”

He pauses taking a breath, I tighten my hand in his and nuzzle into him further preparing to listen to the next part.

“The children were the worst, they would wander the filthy streets without clothes on, either their stomachs so huge from bloating, or so malnourished they were skin and bones. I would give them my ration packs when I could, but they weren’t the mission and it was my job to leave them behind. It killed me to know we would be leaving and they would have to stay in their village with no running water, no food or electricity. The things we take for granted, Amber…you have no idea.”

He pauses again as his chest rises and falls quickly with the suffocating memories.

“You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to,” I suggest and he tightens his arm around me.

“It’s okay, I want you to know how good we have it. We were in a village stationed on task for a week and in that time we grew to know a family. Even though they were poor as all hell and barely had anything for themselves, they kept bringing us water and food. We kept telling them to keep it for themselves, but they said that we were helping them get rid of the insurgents from their town. So they would show their gratitude the only way they knew how.” He exhales a long drawn out sigh like he’s struggling. His body tenses slightly, so I cuddle in further giving him support to continue.

“The father, Hakim was in such a good mood that day. We were all standing around laughing as his children Shada and Zaid were having piggy back rides with some of my mates. His wife Sanaa was showing us how to play dominos. They were such a wonderful family and we were on a first-name basis with them all. Then the call came in that an attack on the village was imminent. The Special Forces unit went into lockdown mode, and we were rushing around trying to get everyone in their homes when the first of the bombs went off.”

I tense up in his arms and gnaw on my bottom lip as my heart rate begins to spike not liking where this story is headed.

“I was running away from the blast. Dust and debris swirled through the air making it hard to breathe, and the sound was deafening. Screams littered the air as my team ran toward the Humvee to retrieve the AG36 Grenade Launcher. I turned around to where the Toyota pickup trucks were hurtling down the dirt road toward us. Baxter, a guy in my unit, pulled out the launcher and turned it toward them just as it was closing in on Hakim’s house. Shada ran out of her mother’s grip and out onto the street. Everything in me tensed up as I watched the little girl bolt toward us, her entire family following after her running down the street in front of the pickups just as they shot an IED. I yelled as loud as I could, but nothing I said stopped it from narrowing in on them. The shockwave from the explosion hit my chest hard almost knocking me back as my eyes clenched shut. I didn’t want to open them, but they betrayed me and as I did a child’s severed leg fell to the ground in front of us. My eyes welled so quickly as my heart lurched into my throat. The pink sandal on the foot made me fall to my knees as Baxter loaded the launcher, and it exploded lunging the grenade toward the insurgents. I couldn’t take my eyes off the leg. My breathing was harsh as the explosion hit so close to us that it literally knocked me over. I fell to my back, and the ringing in my ears was so loud it was deafening.”

I tense up tightly hearing his words and a stray tear forms in my eye and rolls out onto his chest, trickling down taking my sadness of his grief with it.

He exhales and tightens his grip. “I just laid there on my back with black smoke circling around me. I could feel the heat of the fire getting closer and closer, but I couldn’t move. The force of the shock wave was brutal and the ache in my bones was immense. I just watched a family die. A family that had nothing to do with that fucking war. They died for no reason at all other than the fact that we were there, and the insurgents didn’t want us to be. If our unit weren’t there Shada and Zaid and their parents would probably still be alive, not to mention all the other people in the village that died that day.”

I turn my glistening eyes up to look at him, his face is tight as his breathing is rushed.

“Brax, I’m so sorry,” I whisper my voice breaking as it comes out, I can hardly contain my emotion. The heartache I feel for him right now is measureless.

“That’s not the worst,” he says and my eyes open wide and I shake my head slightly.

“How can it be worse than that?”

He nods and I exhale and bite my bottom lip, swallowing hard waiting to hear the next part of his terrible story.

“After the site was secured and we left, I looked back over the village that was fine when we entered but destroyed when we left. I was shattered. I wanted out, but I had to keep going, I had to complete the mission. We went to the next village and I made sure not to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to become friends with any of the locals, I couldn’t handle it when they died because of us. I was closed off to the world around me. Doing my job and staying the hell away from everyone. That was until one night I couldn’t sleep, the nightmares started haunting me then. So I got up and made my way out to the front of the shack. I sat on the rickety half-broken chair and drank the warm water from my canteen. Baxter and Flynn joined me and we sat in silence knowing we all couldn’t sleep because of the visions in our dreams. The air was peaceful, the gentle wafting of the breeze was the only sound we could hear, then subtle footsteps made us all look up. Baxter spotted him first and raised his weapon in defense as Flynn and I both stood ready for the impending attack, but it was a boy…just a boy. Five at the most, his shirt was torn, he had no shoes on and his shorts were black from dirt. I instantly wanted to run to him, but my heart was torn and I stayed stationary as the other men looked to me for guidance.”

Swallowing hard I half smile at Brax urging him to keep going, even though every word he speaks is a painful torture for us both.

“Where’s your parents? Flynn called out to the boy and he shrugged. I figured what harm could a five-year-old do? So I walked down casually glancing around us as Baxter and Flynn followed. Upon reaching the boy, I placed my hands on his shoulders bending down to his height and asked him where his house was. He shrugged and started looking around suspiciously. The hairs on my neck raised instantly and I stood up, but I didn’t have time to react before the stun grenade went off. Everything around me was a brilliant shade of white. I was instantly dizzy and disorientated, nothing I could do could help me catch myself. I felt the arms around me, I felt my knees dragging along the dirt, but I was so confused and out of it I couldn’t function. I just had to let the disorientation take its course and hope to Christ that when I woke up I wouldn’t be in hell.”

Tensing up angry tears spill from my eyes. “Jesus Christ Brax, they used a five-year-old boy as a decoy?” I ask wondering if I had this down right.

He exhales and nods once. The tears falling from my eyes burning my cheeks as they flow scorching the skin all the way to my chin. He brings his hand up and wipes my tears away.

“I can stop if you want?” he asks.

I shake my head. “No, I want to know what happened,” I answer honestly, even though hearing this painful side of Brax’s life is making me hurt for him.

He nods once again and leans down kissing my forehead, pulling back he tucks some hair behind my ear and caresses my cheek wiping away another tear.

“When I woke up, I was in a dark room. My arms were killing me, then I realized they were above my head tied in metal cuffs and suspended by chains from the ceiling. I started to panic straight away, being a prisoner of war was something they trained you for, but something I was never prepared for, nor did I think would ever actually happen. I glanced around the room and saw Baxter and Flynn both in the same position as me. We were all shirtless and only had on our camo pants and boots. I called out to wake the guys up, and as they did an extremist came in sporting an old fashioned whip and a large bucket of water. We all looked as he smiled at us so evilly I thought he was the devil incarnate. Another man came in carrying what was clearly an electric cattle prod and the torture began. I don’t want to scare you with the details, but they took it in turns electrocuting, whipping and water torturing us for information on the English troops. The problem was they had abducted the three lowest-ranking soldiers in our unit, so the information we knew was, at best minimal, and any information we did know we wouldn’t tell them anyway. They starved us and beat us, torturing us all for a month, scarring our bodies with cuts and burns.”

I look down and see the wounds he’s talking about scarring his beautiful chest, and I gently run my fingers over them wishing I could take away the emotional scars that they hold. My tears are cascading onto his chest like a waterfall in the middle of winter, the rivulets of salt water burn my eyes as I blink the tears away.

“Eventually the torture and lack of food and water was too much for Flynn. He was losing it and he needed to get out. Somehow Flynn dislocated his thumbs and got free from his chains. We begged him not to try and run, but he was determined to get out. Just as he was about to run out the door, the extremists came in. They scrambled around and Flynn was so weak they simply pushed him to the ground and he collapsed in a heap. Baxter and I were screaming at them to show mercy, but they were fired up, they wanted to show the infidels how weak we really were and how we had no power in their space. Flynn begged for his life, but with one quick raise of a handgun the trigger was pulled and they shot Flynn right between the eyes…” he trails off, deep in thought then continues, “Baxter threw up, as I closed my eyes begging internally for them to shoot me too. I just wanted it to be over with, but I was only dying on the inside. They left Flynn’s rotting corpse on the floor for days as a reminder not to try an escape. I’d lost all hope, my life was going to end in that hell hole. Two weeks after Flynn died a massive commotion stirred in the compound. Flash grenades sounded, and as I looked up at Baxter, his eyes shone as brightly as mine in the hope that either this was either our end or that our men had finally come for us. It was the latter.”

I breathe out a relieved sigh, even though I know he obviously got out because he’s here with me now, his story is gripping and I’m literally hanging onto every word.

“I was so lucky to get out of there alive, by that stage I was knocking on death’s door and so was Baxter. I really am lucky they found us when they did. But honestly Amber, the things I’ve told you tonight isn’t even half the things I’ve seen and that’s only the mild stuff. I won’t go into the worst of it because I don’t want to scare you, just know war is a ghastly thing.”

Opening my eyes wide at his words I actually start shaking, wondering how it could be any worse than what he’s told me. No wonder he has nightmares. It’s a wonder the guy is even slightly sane. My heart is hammering in my chest as a knot forms tightly in my stomach at the thought of Brax being caught up in all that. At the thought that he nearly didn’t make it back, and that he might not even be here now. I sniff back my tears as I look up at him and caress his cheek tenderly feeling the stubble under my palm reminding me just how fragile life really is.

“You’re amazing you know that?” I whisper and he shakes his head and closes his eyes clenching them tight like he’s fighting with his inner demons.

“No, I’m not. I should have tried harder to save more people. I shouldn’t have followed orders—”

I pull his face forcefully for him to look at me. “Hey, you did what you had to do. Nothing you could have done differently would have saved them Brax. You can’t take that on,” I say meaning every word.

He winces and nods. “I can’t help but wish things were different. Turned out different. You know?”

I smile at him and nod. “I know. But you’re alive and you’re living your life. You need to try and let go of the past and not let it haunt you.”

He takes in a long deep breath. “If only it were that simple.”

“You’re a hero, Brax.”

He scoffs. “I was doing my duty and there’s nothing heroic in that. Saving all those women and children from those savage animals would have been heroic. Instead, I left them all there, because they weren’t the mission.”

I hug him and lean up kissing his lips softly, feeling his lips against mine and knowing everything he’s been through only makes it all the more special.

“You’re my hero. You saved me tonight,” I say trying to change the subject slightly.

He smiles and leans in caressing my cheek then moves in and presses his lips to me passionately. His tongue dances with mine and all the emotional heaviness that was flooding the room is shifting into something lighter. His hand moves to my breast and he massages it gently causing a shiver to run up my spine. I love the way my body reacts to his touch. His kiss intensifies and he shifts his weight so he moves me over and rolls on top of me. Smiling through the kiss, my hands run through his hair and I hold him to me. My heart fluttering in the emotion of it all. Suddenly, he pulls his lips from mine as we both pant catching our breaths. He rests his forehead on mine and smiles brightly, then as quick as a flash he’s moving off me and stands up picking up his briefs and starts to get dressed. Furrowing my brows wondering what the hell is going on.

Did I push him too far?

Did telling me all that stuff change something between us?

“What are you doing?”

“It’s getting late, I should let you get some sleep,” he says confusing me.

“You can sleep here…if you want?” I ask while he pulls his jeans up.

He winces and shakes his head. “That’s not a good idea.” He pulls his shirt over his head.

Swallowing a lump that’s formed in my throat, I simply stare at him. He looks at me and exhales coming to sit on the edge of my bed. “I want to, I do. But I think me being caught coming out of your room in the morning would be a bad look,” he says and I tense up and look down at the blanket.

“Are you embarrassed by me?”

He grabs my face either side and forces me to look at him. My breathing is rushed as I feel a little rejected.

“If I could shout it from the rooftops that I liked you I would. But Hunter and Mason are already making our lives difficult, and the last thing I want is for Hunter to fire me. Then I’d never see you. I’m thinking of our relationship here, Amber,” he says and I nod and half smile.

“They are making life hard, aren’t they?”

He smiles and pulls me closer then kisses my lips. “Yes, they are. I better go. Sleep well,” he says kissing my nose. Then he stands up, picking up his shoes and walks toward the door, his feet heavy on the carpet thumping along with my heartbeat only making it more obvious it’s beating rapidly. The clunk of the door when it closes feels like the door is closing on a chapter of Brax and Amber, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think Brax was shutting down a little.

I take a deep breath and sigh. That story was unbelievable!