Eventually everyone leaves and it’s just me, Ella, Mum and Dad at home. The lounge room is covered with empty pizza boxes and soft drink bottles. I know I can’t be bothered cleaning it up, so I stand from the lounge suite stretching and yawning. It must be pretty late. We watched three movies after our concert, so I guess it’s around one or two in the morning.

“Okay, I’m off to bed,” I say and try to sneak out of the room without being roped into cleaning up.

“Yeah, me too. We can all clean this up tomorrow,” Dad says. I inwardly slump because I may have gotten out of it for now, but tomorrow I’ll have to help tidy and I have more important things to do than clean up. Like, write songs and sleep.

“Night everyone,” Ella says as she walks with me upstairs while the dogs chase us.

“Night girls. Have a good sleep and we’re so very proud of you both,” Mum calls out.

I look back down the staircase at her and smile and nod then head up toward my bedroom.

“What an awesome night, hey?” I say to Ella as she reaches her door.

“Sure was. Night sis,” she says as I open the door to my room.

“Night Elle’s bells,” I say and she rolls her eyes at her nickname.

I walk into my room and close the door. Finally, I can relax and not worry about how I need to act around people. This is my space where I can just be me. A place where I can think about things that I try hard not to think about around other people because if I do, I might get upset and show my weaker side, and I never… ever, want to do that. I want people to think I’m tough and I definitely don’t want them to see my demons. I walk over to my dresser and pull out my Slayed extra-long T-shirt and place it on the bed ready for me to get changed into. I pull my hair out of the ponytail and fluff it out with my hands. Then I take my clothes off and throw them on the edge of my bed, but they miss and fall on the floor. And, to be honest, just like any other kid my age, I can’t be arsed picking them up. So I leave them there in a pile on the floor next to yesterday’s clothes that also missed the dirty clothes basket.

I walk back over to my bed and grab the T-shirt and pull it over my head, just as I hear a knock on my door. “Yeah?” I ask wondering who it is.

“It’s me, honey, can I come in?” Mum’s voice chimes from the other side of the door.

“Yeah Mum, come in,” I say as I sit down on my gorgeous, queen sized bed. It’s nice that Mum knocks, unlike Dad who just barges in.

The door opens and Mum comes in and shuts the door behind her. “You ready for bed?” she asks and I nod pulling the covers back and sliding in under the crisp, purple sheets.

“Good. You’re up too late, but I guess that comes with being a rock star,” Mum says and I laugh as she walks over and sits down next to me on the bed.

“I’m not a rock star yet, Mum,” I reply and she smiles lovingly while she tucks some hair behind my ear. I sit in bed facing her.

“No, but you will be. And I’ll be there every step of the way with you honey,” she says.

I can’t help but think back to today and our first concert and how she wasn’t actually there. “I know,” I reply and she frowns.

“I’m sorry about today, Annie, but I promise we will make it up to you.”

“It’s okay Mum, you already have by letting me perform to you after… well, after I came back.”

She takes my hand in hers and squeezes it tightly. “Did you mean what you said today?” she asks and I can see the hurt in her eyes, eyes that are glistening with unshed tears.

I shake my head and move closer to her. “No Mum, I didn’t mean a word of it. I snapped, and I’m so sorry I said you weren’t a good parent because I couldn’t ask for a better Mum. I was just angry. When you weren’t there, and I was performing especially for you and Dad… that is, well, when I noticed you were gone and then finding out you weren’t there for any of it, it really hurt. You know?” I ask honestly. I can always be honest with Mum.

“I know, and trust me you don’t know how sorry I feel for letting you down. But it won’t happen again, Annie. I promise you,” she says and leans in kissing my forehead.

“Mum?” I say softly. Now she’s opened the floodgate for us to talk, I figure why stop.

“Yes, darling?”

I exhale and look down at my hands in my lap. “Do you think… I mean… do you know anything about my birth parents?” I ask and I notice her body tense immediately.

She pauses for a short second and then exhales tightening her grip on my hand. “Are you thinking more and more about them?” she asks and I look up at her and nod. “Okay, well I’m sorry honey, but unfortunately I don’t know anything. We chose not to see where you came from. We were only supplied with the details of your medical history and things that were really important for your future. I’m sorry Annie, but I have no idea who they were or where they lived. But if you want us to find out I’m sure your father could look into it for you?”

I purse my lips and then shake my head. “No, it’s okay. I guess it’s just hard knowing nothing about where you came from.”

Her smile is sympathetic. “I know what you mean, sweetheart. But Annie just because you share someone else’s DNA does not mean that you are alone. We’re your family. Me, your father, and Ella and we all love you no matter where you came from. Your past doesn’t matter sweetheart. All that matters is that you’re here with us and your future. We’re a family, no matter the DNA, okay?”

“Thanks Mum,” I say as my eyes start to water and then I start to cry.

“Oh honey, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry that what happened today brought up all this emotion for you. I know we did the wrong thing and I never want you to feel upset about your birth parents. Just know that if they didn’t give you to us then you may be living a very different life. And to be honest, I can’t imagine my life without my little purple-haired wildcat,” Mum says, making me laugh as I wipe the tears from my face.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you today. I just don’t know how to control my anger,” I say and Mum nods.

“Yeah, I can see. I can always take you to talk to someone if you want to?”

I open my eyes wide in shock. “What, like a shrink?” I ask and she suppresses a laugh and smiles at me.

“They’re not as bad as they sound. I’ve seen one, and so has your father. When I had my accident, we had to see one quite a lot, and for quite a while, and then again when we tried the surrogacy and it failed. So, I know what to expect. They’re really quite nice and could possibly help you with your anger issues and all this pain you’re carrying around and bottling up inside you, regarding your birth parents—”

“I don’t need a shrink, Mum. I’m not crazy—”

“No, I wasn’t saying that, Annie. They’re not just for crazy people. They’re there to help guide and give you strategies to help you cope—”

“Can’t I just talk to you instead?” I ask and she smiles and nods her head leaning in and embracing me.

“Of course you can, Annie. You can talk to me about anything, you know that. I will always be here for you. You’re my daughter and I love you. I would do anything for you, you know that right?” she asks and I can see her eyes welling up too.

“I know, I love you too, Mum. I guess I just need some time to process that I will never meet my birth parents, and that makes me sad, but happy at the same time. What if they’re horrible people? Or worse, what if they don’t like rock and roll? Oh God, what if they’re hippies and they live in a commune, and they don’t shower and have long armpit hair?” I say and Mum laughs and shakes her head slightly.

“Well sweetheart, I guess we will never know. If it makes you feel better then why don’t you make an image of what you want them to be and we can say that’s who they are. Stick with something you want and then only think of that, when you think of them. Does that make sense?” Mum asks and I raise an eyebrow.

“So just make something up and think of that instead of the endless possibilities?” I ask.

“If it helps?”

“Mum, can I ask you another question?” I ask hesitantly.

“Of course, Annie, you can ask me anything.”

I hesitate and exhale. “Honestly, what’s your real opinion on Staked?”

She smiles brightly. “Annie, I can spot talent a mile away and what you and your sister and the rest of your band do is amazing. You still have a little bit to learn, but I know with your father and your Uncle Hux helping you, you’re going to be playing to a packed out stadium in no time. The only thing I worry about for you is the minion fans and the paparazzi. You need to keep your cool around them. You don’t want to end up headline news because you had an outburst,” she says and I know exactly what she means. You see it all the time, celebrities having punch ups with paparazzi and yelling at fans. The problem is I can totally imagine myself doing that.

“Yeah, I’ll need to work on that. But I’ll always have Aston and Ella with me. They tend to cool me down and ground me,” I say and Mum tries to hide her smirk.

“So, Aston, huh?” Mum asks in a weird way that make me crease my eyebrows.

“What about him?” I ask and she smiles and shakes her head. “No, nothing, just wanted to see if there was any news,” she says with a sparkle in her eye that I don’t understand.

“Why are you being weird?”

“Not being weird, Annie, just making sure you’re still good friends, that’s all.” She stands up and gestures for me to lay down then pulls the covers up under my chin and I relax into my big comfy bed.

“We’ll always be best friends, Mum.”

“You know, sweetheart. If you ever want to talk about boys and stuff you can talk to me.”

“What are you on about? Are you high?”

“Annie, don’t joke about drugs especially with your father in the house.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, but I’m just saying that if you ever find yourself liking someone more than a friend, and it’s confusing to you, you can talk to me about it. If that ever happens, of course,” she says and I raise an eyebrow at her.

“You’re being weird again?”

“Sorry. Just know that I’m here and we can talk about anything. Okay, sweetheart?”

“Okay, now you’re making more sense. Thanks Mum, and again I’m sorry about today.”

She winces and nods. “So am I. Sleep well sweetheart and make sure you clean this room up a bit before Susan comes here for your school day, okay?” she asks and I roll my eyes.

“Yes Mum,” I say monotone and she chuckles and walks toward the door.

“I love you, Annie Bear.”

I roll my eyes at her nickname. “Love you too, Mum. Goodnight,” I say and she flicks the switch and opens the door.

“Sweet dreams,” she says and walks out the door closing it behind her.

“Weirdo,” I mumble under my breath with a giggle as I turn in the bed getting comfy.

My phone on the side table vibrates. I pick it up and swipe the screen to see a message from Aston. I smile and open it.

 

Aston: Hey Lennox, hope I’m not waking u. Just wanted to know if ur doing ok? I know today was rough for u, but I’m here for u… always. A1 xo

 

I smile at his use of our message nicknames. He’s A1 and I’m A2. We fought for ages because I thought I should be A1, but he said he’s older so he gets to have those bragging rights. Needless to say, I didn’t talk to him for about an hour, but I let him win because I will always cave when it comes to Aston. I hit reply.

 

Me: Hey, I’m still up just climbed into bed. Had a chat with Mum and we’re all good now. Thanks for being there for me today. I can always count on u to bring me back down off my high horse. A2 xxxx

 

I hit send and snuggle into the bed covers and bring my phone screen in line with my face to wait for his reply. My phone vibrates and I swipe the screen.

 

Aston: Anytime Lennox, you know that. I’m always here for you, no matter what. That’s what best friends do, right? BTW I feel so badass for being up this late, the night before school. Maybe we should sneak out and go to a bar and get wasted. Maybe to a strip club. Let’s go and be rebels. What do you say? A1 xo

 

I let out a loud laugh and then quickly cover my mouth with my hand hoping I haven’t woken Ella next door, or that Mum or Dad come in to tell me to turn off my phone and go to sleep. I hit reply.

 

Me: Let’s go all out and get tattoos and get high. I’ll hire u a prostitute and I can learn to be a stripper, make a real night of it? Maybe I can even get pregnant if I try hard enough. Dad would love that. Bahahaha. Way better than getting home schooled tomorrow. A2 xxxx

 

I hit send and giggle at our conversation. Those things are something neither of us would ever do. Well, except for maybe the tattoo bit. I plan on getting one when I’m old enough and I know Aston wants one too. We made a pact that on my eighteenth birthday we would go and get matching tattoos. My phone vibrates again and I swipe the screen revealing his message.

 

Aston: Yeah, way better. But I guess I’m tired and it is a school night, so maybe we can rain check for Friday? ;) A1 xo

 

I smile and hit reply.

 

Me: Piker! I was getting dressed up and was almost at ur place. Guess I’ll have to walk home and go to bed like a good little girl. Lol A2 xxxx

 

I hit send.

 

Aston: Well, if I’d known u were almost at my house, I would’ve dropped everything. I would love to see you all dressed up. ;) A1 xo

 

I furrow my brows and my lip rises in confusion. Why the hell would he say that? I scratch my head and try to think of what to reply... to that!

 

Me: Why the hell would you say that? xxxx

 

I go to click send, but I delete it and start again.

 

Me: Well, I guess u’ll never know will u, u weirdo. A2 xxxx

 

I like that better, so I hit send and roll onto my back as I bring my phone to my chest and close my eyes. An image of Aston pops into my head and it’s from today when he lifted his shirt and showed me his perfectly toned stomach. I swallow hard as a tingle spreads over my body and my legs feel heavy.

What the hell was that?

I have no idea why my body reacts to images of Aston like this. It doesn’t happen for anyone else and I’ve never felt it before, but I’ve felt it all my life with Aston. I guess it’s because we’re so close. But it is weird how I feel so connected to him. Like my world would end without him in it. I guess being a teenager comes with a lot of unknown things. Like when I first had period pain, I had no idea what it was and I thought I was dying, or like an alien was going to rip out of my stomach. But Mum is always there to help talk me through anything I’m not sure about. Being a teenager is hard, especially when my body tingles like this. It feels good, but I have no idea what it means. And for the first time, I’m a little embarrassed to talk to Mum about it because my body definitely shouldn’t be reacting like this, I’m sure of it. It’s not normal and I think that maybe there might be something wrong with me.

My phone vibrates and I open my eyes letting the image of Aston’s abs fade from my memory as I swipe the phone.

 

Aston: Ok well, this weirdo needs to go to bed. Have a good sleep Lennox, and I’ll see u tomoz. A1 xo

 

I smile at his more normal and sensible message and hit reply.

 

Me: Night Ast, and thanks again for today. I luv ur gutz. Sleep well. A2 xxxx

 

I hit send and lean over plugging my phone into the charger. It vibrates once more.

 

Aston: Night beautiful. Luv u 2. A1 xo

 

I stare at the message and raise an eyebrow again. Beautiful? He’s never called me that before?

I huff and put my phone on my bedside table and roll over facing away from it. Crossing my arms over my chest.

What the hell is going on?

I turn and look at the phone and it’s still sitting there doing nothing. So I pick it up and open the messages again, and stare at the five words for ages. ‘Night beautiful, Luv u 2.’

I bite my bottom lip to stop the small smile that’s crossing my lips. Does Aston really think I’m beautiful? Or is it just a term of endearment?

I have no idea and I have no intentions of finding out. Right now, it’s way past my bedtime and I need to get some sleep. Otherwise cranky pants Annie will be around for homeschooling and no one likes her, not even me. I close my eyes and I can’t help the images flashing through my mind of Aston, and once I drift off to sleep he’s still there in my dreams.