We walk a little further until we find a small grassy patch so we sit down and talk some more. The conversation shifted from the intense to something funnier. I was telling her all about Annie and Aston and she thought it was hilarious that Colt said he would castrate Aston. Poor kid.

“I can’t believe he actually said he would castrate him. I mean Colt was always so nice to me, I can’t imagine him being so overbearing,” she says and I throw my head back and laugh a massive belly laugh.

“Seriously, have you met, Colt? He is the biggest tyrant I’ve ever known,” I say and she raises an eyebrow.

“Really? I always thought he was sweet. He was always nice to me, but I guess I’m not family. I suppose he’d be stricter on his family,” she says and I laugh while looking out across the twinkling river. The night has set in and the moon is full sending shades of purple and blue all over the still water. It’s so beautiful. I gaze across at Indi’s face in the subtle light from the lamp post nearby and study her features. Her beautiful big doe eyes, her cute little button nose and those dimples that make me weak. She’s even more beautiful than I remember and I honestly can’t think of anything better than this moment.

“Why are you staring at me?” she asks with a hint of a smirk.

I shake my head and realise I was actually staring at her. God, I’m such a twat.

“Sorry, I can’t help it,” I say honestly as I lean in closer so our arms are touching.

She exhales and looks out at the water. “I’m still the same person, Caleb. I haven’t changed.”

I look down at her gorgeous body, which has filled out perfectly and shake my head.

“You’ve changed Indi, trust me, you’ve changed,” I say and she glances sideways at me.

“In a good way, I hope?”

“In a very good way.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s the truth.”

“No, I mean thank you for this…for tonight. I was so caught up in the pain of us, that I didn’t remember the fun we used to have together. So thank you for not making tonight about making us as a couple. Thank you for understanding and not pushing me into something I don’t want for us,” she says and a sharp pain rips through my chest, but I hide it with a small smile.

“I’d do anything to see you happy and having fun, Indi,” I say wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her side into mine. She rests her hand on my knee and cuddles into me. For someone who doesn’t want anything other than friendship, she sure is sending mixed messages.

“Well, I’m having fun with you, Caleb. I’m glad we ran into each other. I think it was the only way to remind me how awesome you are.”

“Yeah, I am awesome, aren’t I?” I tease and she slaps my knee.

I laugh and nuzzle into her hair and kiss her head softly.

“You know what?” she asks.

“What?”

“I think you bringing Annie into the hospital was an omen—”

“Oh, you don’t still believe in all that omen and fate type bullshit, do you?” I tease and she looks up at me and smiles.

“I do, and I think you came back into my life for a reason. Maybe to help me heal, or just so I can remember what it’s like to have a good friend around me again. It’s nice to know you still care.”

My heart’s racing and I know this whole friend’s thing is what she wants, but I want so much more and I have to try.

“Indi, what do you think about us dating? I mean, not getting into anything too serious and if you feel like it’s getting too serious, then we can back away. It’s just…having you here, in my arms and enjoying your company, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really feel like we could be good together. We don’t have to make plans to get married and have a gazillion kids—”

“What are you asking, Caleb?”

“I guess what I’m asking is that I would like to be able to kiss you without you worrying that I’m going to—”

“Yes,” she interrupts me and I stop mid-sentence and stare at her raising an eyebrow.

“Yes?”

“Caleb, I know there’s something here, and I know that the friend’s thing is going to be hard work. But if we can keep it to a simple kiss with no expectations, then yes I would like you to kiss me,” she says. I’m shocked, so much so that I feel like my eyes are bulging from their sockets. My heart is galloping as I look into her sparkling blue eyes and get lost in her gaze. She’s asking me to kiss her and right now my body is in shock and not reacting the way I want it to. She giggles and brings her hand up to caress my cheek.

“Kissing you always felt right, Caleb. But don’t think for a second it means more than just a kiss.”

I nod my head slightly as I stare at her full lips and lick mine inadvertently. “Just a kiss,” I say and she leans in close and presses her lips to mine. A surge of something hits me hard in the chest and takes all the air from my lungs. I’m kissing Indi and this time with her permission. In my mind fireworks are exploding in luminous colours all throughout the London skyline as I open my mouth and she slides her tongue in. If I was standing, I’m sure my knees would give way. I move my body toward hers and bring my hand up to her cheek and move it backward into her hair pulling her mouth harder onto mine. I deepen the kiss and feel that all too familiar twitch in my pants as I lean in closer and press our chests together. Feeling her breathing fast against me, her chest rises and falls rapidly. We’re both breathing through our noses and I’m sure passersby would be getting quite the show. I run both my fingers through her hair and pull her closer. She starts to shift her weight and I think she’s going to stop the kiss when she pulls back and moves her leg over mine and straddles me. I open my eyes wide and she smirks as she leans in taking my cheeks in both her hands and then brings her lips back to mine forcefully. I run my hands up her back and hold her flush against me as our tongues dance together in the brisk evening breeze.

I can’t control my cock right now and it’s getting harder and harder by the second. Having only my pants and hers in the way of our naked bodies being pressed together is like an agony I’ve never felt before. I really want to roll her over and lay on top of her and grind my hard cock into her wet pussy, but I can’t. This is just a kiss and we’re in public.

She moves her hips on me slightly causing friction on my throbbing cock. I moan inadvertently and she starts to giggle into my mouth. I don’t think I could handle that again without ripping all her clothes off. She softens the kiss and stops moving her hips on top of my rock hard cock as she pulls away from me breathlessly and rests her forehead against mine. I look into her eyes as I pant and try to get some oxygen into my body, but looking in her eyes only takes my breath away even more.

She’s going to break me, of that I am sure. My heart is already broken because of her, so it can’t do any more harm now can it?

She smiles and pulls her head away from mine and brings her hand up and wipes her thumb across my bottom lip.

“Lip gloss,” she says and I smirk.

“Pink suits me, so I’ve been told.”

“Yeah, it does actually,” she says and leans back giving my cock some relief from the pressure of her pussy grinding against it.

“That was some kiss,” I say and she smiles.

“Yeah, we were always really good at that. I just wanted to see what it would be like again.”

“And? Was it how you expected?”

“Hmm mediocre at best,” she replies and smiles so wide it melts my heart. I bring my hand to my chest and feign shock. She giggles and swings her leg off and sits back down on the grass beside me.

“Sorry, I don’t meet your expectations. Maybe I should try harder next time,” I say and she looks at me and then down to my crotch.

“I think if you try any harder you might explode.” Her eyes firmly on the giant bulge in my pants.

“Sometimes explosions are a good thing.”

“Not when you still have your pants on. It can get messy,” she says suggestively.

“Well, I could always take my pants off,” I say and move my hand to the button of my jeans jokingly.

She laughs and runs her hands over mine to stop me from flashing her. Not that I was actually going to do it though.

“Okay, I think we know now that kissing is good for us. Let’s just not get hung up on things that typically come after kissing, okay?”

I nod. “Take things slowly. Got it!”

“Not slowly, Caleb. I’m not going to change my mind on the whole relationship thing, just because you want to fuck me,” she says sounding defensive.

“Hey, I don’t want to fuck you, Indi, you mean way too much to me for that,” I say furrowing my brows at the serious look on her face.

“I’m too good to fuck now? Right, so you don’t want to fuck me, but your cock tells me something different right now, Caleb,” she states confusing me.

“Wait, I don’t know what you’re saying right now, Indi. I’m saying I don’t want to fuck you because you’re worth so much more to me than that. You deserve to be made love to, not just a hard fuck,” I say and she jolts back and her hard gaze softens as she looks back down to the ground.

“So you do want to have sex with me?” she asks and I scoff and bring my hand to her chin and lift her face up until she looks at me.

“I’ve wanted to make love to you Indi every night since we first made love. All I think about is how it felt to be inside of you. I want that again. I want that with you, Indi,” I say and she swallows hard and shakes her head breaking her chin away from my hold.

“That can’t happen, Caleb. All we’re doing is kissing. I can’t love you.”

My confusion is stepped up a notch. Now we’re talking about love?

“You know I love you, Indi,” I say and she exhales in frustration and turns away from me.

“You can’t love someone you don’t know, Caleb. You love Indi from six years ago—”

“You, yourself said you haven’t changed. I love Indi from six years ago, and I love Indi from six minutes ago. I love you, Indi—”

“Caleb, don’t! Please don’t ruin this. I can’t love you back like you want me too—”

“Why not?” I beg wanting answers that I know she probably won’t give.

“Because it will end us both, Caleb. Don’t you remember?”

“I remember all too well, Indi.”

She stands up and looks out across the river holding herself tightly.

“Just a kiss, Caleb,” she murmurs.

I exhale and stand up next to her and look out at the calmness that is the river, which is the polar opposite to how I feel inside. My stomach is churning and my heart is hammering in my chest. I feel like I’m fucking this up and I can’t lose her again.

“Just a kiss, Indi. That’s all this is,” I say and she turns to face me.

“You mean that? ‘Cause I can’t have it any other way, Caleb. It’s this or nothing,” she says and I look up and wonder if it’s the astrological state of the full moon that’s making her crazy tonight.

“Just a kiss,” I reiterate. If I can’t have her at all, then this…weird and illogical relationship is what I will have to go with. I need her in my life, but I will work at this. Hopefully, eventually, I’ll be able to show her that she needs me like I need her, but not in a suicidal way like her parents. We can be different, we can be amazing if she’d just let us. But for now, I’ll have to give her what she wants.

“It’s getting late,” she says and I lick my lips trying to taste her just once more.

“I’ll take you home.”

She nods and starts to walk back to the car. I exhale shaking my head and follow her, occasionally glancing at her arse. I just can’t help myself. We arrive at the car so I open the door for her.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you. It’s  important that we know the rules before this gets any deeper than it’s meant to,” she says. I nod and she smiles while bringing her hand up to caress my cheek. I nuzzle into her hand and she looks at me like she’s sympathizing with me. She knows how hard this is for me and yet she’s doing it anyway. She leans in kissing me quickly on the lips and then slides into the car. I lick my lips and close her door quietly and then look back up at the full moon.

‘Fuck you, you crazy arse full moon’ I mouth and then walk over to my door and slide inside. Starting the ignition, I pull out of the car park and out onto the road.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly.

I glance over at her and she’s frowning. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because you want more, I can tell, and while I’m around you won’t find happiness with another woman. Maybe we should just call this quits tonight?” she states and my heart begins to pound ferociously in my chest. I look at her and flare my nostrils. She can’t do this to me, not again.

“No Indi, we’re not ending this. I lost you once, I can’t do it again,” I say and immediately notice her tense up.

“Eyes on the road, Caleb,” she says. So I huff and look back at the road in front of me.

“Indi, don’t do this. I can handle just a kiss. I promise, just don’t end this—”

“There is no ‘this’ to end, Caleb. That’s what I’m afraid of that you’ll think there’s more to this than there is. This is purely friendship. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Not seeing you again, Indi, that would hurt me. Not this arrangement we have. If you want just kissing and nothing else, I’m fine with that. We don’t have to take it slow, we don’t have to see how things progress, we can just be friends who kiss. I’m down with that, okay?” I ask and then glance sideways at her.

She looks like she’s going to cry so I reach out and place her hand in mine and squeeze.

“Just friends, Indi,” I reiterate and she takes a deep breath.

“Okay, but the minute it develops into something more, Caleb—”

“It won’t,” I interrupt and she nods.

I look back to the road and she keeps her hand in mine as I intertwine our fingers. Her hand fits perfectly in mine and this is going to be so fucking hard, but anyway I can have Indi in my life is the way I’m going to have to do it. I can’t lose her, not now. Not ever.

We drive in silence and she directs me to her house. When I pull up, it’s tiny and in need of repair. It’s located in a less than perfect part of town, actually more like a slum. I instantly worry for her safety and don’t want her walking to her front door by herself. I get out of the car and we make our way up the path to her front door in silence. I look around at the litter in the street and the turned over garbage cans.

“So thanks for tonight. It was…” she trails off and then turns to look at me and chuckles. “It was interesting.”

“When can I see you again?”

“What do you want to do?”

I shrug. “I don’t know, I can come here and we can watch a movie and have some dinner. Or not. Whatever you want to do is fine by me.”

“Dinner and a movie sounds great.”

“So umm, when are you free next? Is tomorrow too soon?” I ask and then kick myself mentally because that did sound awfully desperate.

She giggles and leans into me wrapping her arms around my waist and cuddling into my chest. I close my eyes reveling in the contact while holding her close to my body.

“Tomorrow is great. I’ll let you know when I’m home from work and then you can come over if you like?” She’s still holding onto me, but pulling back so she can look up at me.

“Sounds perfect,” I reply. She smiles and leans up on her toes, but she doesn’t reach me. I lean down and meet her halfway pressing my lips to hers softly, because if I kiss her any more than a peck, I won’t be able to not go inside.

She slowly pulls back and smiles. “Until tomorrow,” she says as she lets me go. Reaching down and fumbling around inside her large bag she finally pulls out her keys.

“Sleep well, sweet Indi,” I say and take a step back so she can let herself in.

“You too, Caleb.”

As she takes a last look at me, it’s like time stands still and we’re both staring into each other’s eyes. I could get lost in them forever feeling the love she has for me flowing through her eyes, and I know because it’s the same look I’m giving her right now. There’s a pulse in the air and I feel like I can feel her breath on me even though she’s far enough away for it not to be happening. I stare at her intensely begging for just one more kiss. Just one more kiss to tide me over until tomorrow. I lean in a little closer and she leans in matching me. Suddenly, a trash can tips over causing a loud crash and a cat screeches as it runs across the road away from the bin, breaking our trance. Indi jumps, and I turn around to see what’s going on making sure we’re not about to be mugged.

“Geez, that scared the shit out of me,” she says.

I turn back to see her breathing rapidly with her hand on her chest trying to calm her breaths. “Me too, better get inside before you catch a cold. Thanks for tonight, Indi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Rock Star.”

“Good night my sweet Indi.”

She smiles showing those perfect dimples, then turns and steps inside and closes the door leaving me feeling cold and lonely from the lack of her presence. I swallow hard and then lean against the door frame and take in some deep gasps of much-needed air. That moment was intense and if the cat didn’t break it up, I’m sure I would’ve been inside her house and inside of her by now. I felt the connection, and I know she feels it too. She just has to let me in. I have to find a way back, a way we can be together.

I take another deep calming breath and then turn and walk toward my car to drive home to dream about my sweet Indi.