I pace my lounge room floor by the door waiting impatiently for Sasha to show up. She said she would come right over. Why is she taking so damned long? I run my hand through my hair as I continue to pace thinking the entire time of why Indi would be doing this to me.

Shutting me out yet again.

This is what she does. This is how she works.

We get so far and bam, she shuts down.

Every. Damn. Time!

I should have known this would happen. If I had any balls at all, I would get in my car and go over to her house, but I don’t want to make things worse. I want to give Indi the time she needs to work through whatever it is that’s going on in her mind, and I need to let off some steam before going to see her. That’s what Sasha is coming over for if she will ever bloody get here!

There’s a gentle knock on the door and I look up while racing to the door. Relief flooding my veins that I will finally get the assistance I need from Sasha. I open the door and she smirks, and then immediately frowns, as I stand back to let her come inside.

“You okay?” she asks and I nod while closing the door. She walks through and I make my way over to the lounge suite. “I’m glad you called again, I was hoping you would.” We sit down while she shrugs out of her jacket. Moving in to kiss me, I pull back and shake my head. She frowns and looks at me raising an eyebrow.

“Indi said that she doesn’t trust me,” I blurt out and she smirks again while running her hand up my bicep.

“Well, maybe Indi has got her head screwed on,” she answers and leans in kissing my cheek.

I ignore her and furrow my brows. “But the thing is, I love her, you know? I want to be with her. So why does she think that I would go after other women?” I ask and turn to face Sasha. She looks at me like I’ve grown horns because she has absolutely no idea what’s going on.

“Caleb, if you love Indi, then why did you call me last night and tonight? Can’t you see she’s right about not trusting you? Especially considering the first thing you do is call someone else?” She leans in rubbing her hand up my thigh, but I ignore her again and run my hand through my hair.

“But can’t she see that I only want her? Last night I was drunk and horny and Indi hurt me, so I lashed out in my drunken stupor. That’s all it was. I was wasted. I had no idea what I was doing, and I’ve regretted it all day and especially when I spoke to her. She apparently doesn’t know about you coming over last night, so what would make her think that she can’t trust me?” I ask again.

She continues to run her hand up my thigh and toward my cock. I finally register as she leans in trying to kiss me, so I flinch away and shake my head at her.

“Didn’t you just hear me?”

She sits back against the lounge suite and screws up her eyebrows like she’s confused. “You don’t want to fuck?”

I belly laugh making her frown. “No, of course not, Sasha.”

“You just want to talk, right?”

Rolling my eyes. “Yes, I thought that was obvious.”

She slumps her body and pulls her jacket back on.

“Okay, well, I guess I can be an ear for you seeing as how you seem all out of sorts right now,” she says and I nod and start from the beginning. I tell her how I met Indi. How she stood up for me that day in school. How we were best friends. About her parents’ deaths, and about how she lived with us. About our first time, and then how she left and the fact that I’ve been lost without her. That was until she came back into my life a few days ago and turned it upside down within a second of seeing her. How all my emotions are all still there for Indi. How much I love her, and need her, and want to make everything right with her. How last night was a monumental fuck up, and how I needed to vent after Indi hung up on me and then avoided my calls today. I don’t know how to fix this, and maybe Sasha being a woman can help me with something, anything, with some inside womanly info on how to fix this.

“Wow! Sounds like you really needed to vent,” she says.

Leaning back into the lounge suite, I’m feeling somewhat cathartic to have let it all out. “So do you see what I’m dealing with?”

“Look from what I can tell, Indi is scared. For some reason, she’s worried about you going to other women. And from what I can tell, because of me, that’s actually true. She obviously has seen this or heard it for herself, Caleb, so you just need to prove to her that you are capable of being a one woman man. If you love her like you say you do then would you actually call me up for sex after nearly having sex with her?” she asks and I furrow my brows.

“The question of whether I really love Indi or not is not a question at all. Of course, I love her. It’s just whether I can prove to her that I can be trustworthy. Which I know if she committed to me, I would be. But she won’t commit because she thinks we’ll both end up dead. She is so fucked up in the head,” I murmur more to myself than to Sasha.

“I think Indi probably knows that her way of thinking is definitely not normal. She needs to see a shrink that’s for sure. I know seeing your parents dying like that would be horrific, and that would damage you irreparably. But basing your life on your parents and what happened to them is not what she should be doing. But in saying that, Caleb, I also think you guys aren’t healthy for each other. There’s so much history between you, but one thing I can tell is that you love her, or at least you think you do—”

“No, I do love her, Sasha. With everything in me, I love her,” I admit and it is like a lightbulb goes off in my mind. I have to sort this out with her and make her see that we can do this.

Losing her is not an option.

“Then you have to fight, Caleb. As much as I’d like to keep you to myself because let’s be honest you’re wild in bed. But if you love Indi, and she loves you, you need to tell her, and you have to fight for her. You need to give it another go.” She stands up and I watch her as she walks over to the front door. I stand up as she opens the door and looks back at me.

“Look after yourself, Caleb. I won’t lie and say that I’m happy for you because I hate being used for sex and then used as a relationship counselor. But…I hope you get what you’re looking for. If it doesn’t work out, call me…I’ll see you around.” I frown and nod as she walks out of my door and closes it behind her with a huff.

I do feel sorry that I used Sasha like that. She clearly wanted to come over for a repeat of last night and instead she was here for an hour listening to me moaning about another woman. I can see how that would annoy her, and I’ll have to make sure to send her a thank you text and perhaps some flowers. But right now I need to make things right with Indi. It’s late and it’s probably another bad idea, but I need to make Indi see that I’m in this and she needs to give us a try. She came back into my life for a reason and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her slip away from me, again.

I grab my jacket and keys and head for my car. On the way to Indi’s I practice all the things I’m going to say, but nothing seems right. I have no idea how I’m going to change her mind about me, but I am not leaving her house until she gives us another try or she calls the cops. Either way, this is getting sorted tonight.

I pull up at her house and walk up to her door. I run my hand through my hair trying to calm down my erratically beating heart. It’s thumping so hard it’s become difficult to breathe and the crisp night air is making me shiver, either that or I’m actually shaking like a pansy.

“Get a grip, Caleb,” I whisper to myself as I take a deep breath and exhale forcing all my nervous energy out. I bring my fist up and I knock on her door. My heart races faster while I wait for her to answer, but there’s nothing, no movement and no sound. I knock again wondering if she’s home but then I see a light turn on inside indicating she’s there.

“Indi,” I call out.

Still nothing.

I knock again and now I’m getting frustrated that she won’t answer the door.

“Indi it’s me. C’mon, please open the door,” I say loudly and one of the neighbour’s lights turns on.

Still nothing.

I knock again louder this time. “Indi!” I call out and the neighbour opens their door and looks at me scowling.

“Do you know what time it is, young man?” she calls out sounding annoyed.

“Yeah, time you mind you own damned business. Indi! Open the door,” I yell this time and bang forcefully while the neighbour pulls out her mobile phone and starts to dial what I can only assume to be the police.

Great!

“Indi, please. Your neighbour is going to have me arrested. Answer the damn door. Please!” I yell and then her door swings open and she looks at me flaring her nostrils, her face bright red. Her eyes are puffy from crying and my heart breaks at the sight. She looks miserable and as angry as hell.

“Shut the hell up, Caleb,” she says stepping through the door to look at her neighbour. “Sorry, Mrs. Latham, no need for the police.” She grabs my arm and drags me inside her home while I try to hide my smile that she’s actually answered the door and that I’m now where I want to be.

Caleb – 1. Mrs. Latham – 0.

“Caleb, what the actual fuck?” Indi slams her front door and glares at me.

I immediately stop my internal victory dance and concentrate on her tired and miserable face. She looks so lost and I know I’m the reason for the way she looks right now, and it’s breaking my heart.

“Indi, I don’t know what happened to make you so angry with me, but we need to sort this out right now.”

She huffs and turns away walking into her lounge room and sits on the lounge suite. “It’s late, Caleb, I’ve had a big day,” she says sounding really lackluster and emotionless.

“Indi, look, I know what I said on the card might have scared you. I know I’ve pushed you too much. I know you don’t want a relationship—”

“Then why ask for one, Caleb?” she yells staring at me as I cautiously approach the lounge suite and sit down next to her.

“Because, Indi I forgot. It’s so easy to just be with you. I know your reasons, and I know that you hate the idea of us loving each other so much that it will break us if something happened to either one of us, I get that. But why can’t we just take a step back and see how things go? Can’t we just let things progress naturally. I can tell by how upset you are that something doesn’t feel right to you, and I’m guessing that that something is us being apart, right?” I ask and she huffs and looks at me her dull blue eyes brimming with tears.

“I don’t want to be like this, Caleb,” she admits, but I’m at a loss as to what she’s referring to.

“Like what, baby?” I ask taking her hands in mine and looking into her eyes letting her know that I’m here for her.

“I don’t want to be the one always saying no to us. It breaks me, Caleb. Every time I’m with you it feels so right, and then the moment you’re gone I remember all the bad stuff and I break a little more. I have to remember my parents and Maddie and all the horrible things you’ve done—”

“Wait. What? Maddie?” I ask confused as to who she’s talking about.

She goes quiet and looks away from me.

“Indi, what’s Maddie got to do with anything?” I ask and she exhales, then the tears flow down her face.

“I saw you with her.”

I rack my brain trying to think of a Maddie that I’ve been with since seeing Indi again. I am drawing a blank. “I’m not following,” I reply and she looks back up at me her expression is tight.

“The day I left, the day after we slept together, I saw you with Maddie by the back building after our exams. She was bending down about to give you a blow job, the day after we had sex, Caleb! That’s why I can’t trust you! I couldn’t watch, so I ran off and packed my things,” she says and my head is spinning as I try to remember back to that time so long ago. Then it suddenly clicks into place.

“No, wait, Indi…Maddie. Shit! No, it didn’t happen like that. She wanted to, but I pushed her away and then came home to find you, but you’d already gone. I swear nothing happened with Maddie. I promise,” I say tightening my grip on her hands.

“You’re not lying,” she whispers as she looks into my eyes intently and I shake my head and bring my hand up to wipe away the steady stream of tears that are falling down her cheeks.

“Nothing happened, Indi. You’re the only woman I want. I swear on my life,” I say and she bursts into full on tears bringing her hands up to her face. I move in and wrap my arms around her body and pull her into my chest to comfort her. All this time she thought I let Maddie suck me off after we had sex? I remember I was going to, but Indi meant too much to me and I’d never let that happen.

“God Indi, is that what this has been about all these years? Is that why you left?” I ask and she nods her head slowly against my chest.

“I thought I couldn’t trust you. That mixed with the fear of us losing ourselves in each other and then something terrible happening was too much for me. I had to leave.”

I bring my hands to her cheeks and force her head up to meet mine. “Indi, I would never cheat on you. I’d never break your heart. And if you let me in, I will be able to take care of you and treat you the way I should’ve been treating you for the past six years. I know you don’t want anything fast, and I know you’re scared of us falling so hard we can’t escape it, but Indi, I love you. I’m not asking you to marry me, although if I thought you would say yes I would. All I’m asking is that you give us a shot. We deserve to be happy and being together makes us happy, Indi. Don’t worry about the what if’s. They won’t happen, baby. If I’m with you, I’m with you forever. I’ll never leave you. I promise.”

She sniffs as her tears continue to trickle down her face. Her eyes dart from side to side like she’s trying to figure out what she wants or what to do next. I know she wants this. I know she wants me. She’s just too damned scared and I hate her parents right now, and I hate Maddie for making Indi this way. I hate that I can’t do anything but wait for her to make up her mind, and I hate that with every passing second it looks more and more like she’s going to say no.

She brings her hand up and rests it on mine that’s against her cheek. She nuzzles into my hand and my heart beat speeds up dramatically.

“I can’t promise I won’t freak out again,” she whispers and my heart thumps in my chest like a jackhammer. I smile widely as I lick my lips.

“I can live with that—”

“And I can’t promise that even if we go slowly like you say we can, that your version of slow and my version will be the same—”

“We can take it as slow as you need, baby. Just tell me that we can try, that’s all I’m asking for, Indi. The chance we should have had six years ago. We belong together, my sweet Indi, you know that.”

She swallows hard and I see her bottom lip tremble. “I swear to God Caleb if you cheat on me—”

“That will never happen, baby—”

“Or if you hurt me—”

“Not going to happen either, Indi. I love you, I always have. Nothing is going to happen that will cause me to fuck this up. I won’t lose you again.”

A slow smile spreads across her face, which in turn makes me smile.

“You should have talked to me instead of leaving six years ago. We could’ve avoided all this hurt,” I say and she nods and swallows hard.

“I’m sorry. I just saw you with Maddie and all my trust went out the window. I was so hurt, Caleb. I was already broken. I had one part of my heart that was holding on and seeing you with her shattered that last remaining piece. I wish I’d stayed. I wish I knew that nothing happened back then. I wish a lot of things hadn’t happened, but I guess we can’t take it back now. All we can do is make up for the last six years,” she says and I smile brightly.

“We have a lot of time to catch up on.”

“So we’re doing this then? But very slowly?”

I nod and lean my forehead against hers. “As slowly or as quickly as you want, Indi. I’m in this, I just need to know you’re in this with me now? I know you’re still worried about us turning out like your parents, but we won’t let that happen to us, okay?” I ask needing a little more reassurance.

She nods and bites her bottom lip as she stares at mine. “I’m in this, Caleb. Today after hanging up on you, I couldn’t pull myself out of the endless despair I was feeling. I wanted to be with you so badly, but my trust issues are making me question everything. I couldn’t trust you, but now knowing that nothing happened with Maddie well, that changes everything. I trust you, Caleb. I can see in your eyes that you love me just like I love you, and being with you always felt right. It feels right now, and I just feel stupid that I could’ve avoided all this heartache if we’d have just talked to each other sooner.”

“Say it again.”

She looks me in the eyes and furrows her eyebrows. “Which bit?”

“That you love me,” I reply and she smiles and wraps her arms around my neck pulling me to her, so we’re only inches from each other.

“Caleb, I love you, I always have.”

I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from sobbing like a fucking baby. I don’t want to seem weak in front of her right now, so I lean in moving my hand to the back of her head and pull her in so her lips are just touching mine.

“I love you, Indi,” I say and then crash my lips to hers finally. She opens her mouth, and I slide my tongue in as she inches forward and moves onto my lap straddling me and pinning me to the lounge. My hand runs up her back under her pyjama top and the other through her hair holding her to me.

Kissing her, knowing that she loves me just like I love her and that she’s now mine, fills me with so much joy I want to explode. Every inch of me is tingling and as Indi makes out with me on her lounge suite, I know that tonight is the start of something absolutely, earth-shatteringly incredible.

The beginning of the Caleb and Indi’s story...