The gig is going amazingly well, I’m in a great place and we’re at the end of our half-time intermission. The crowd is really receptive, and their encouragement and cheering has only helped me perform harder. Everyone is having a great time, and as I step up onto the first step to restart our second half, the music over the speakers changes to a song I recognise.

My body freezes as my foot collects the stair and I stumble up the steps with my entire body shaking. I was feeling so good, the night was going so well, and now this? Why did the universe have to throw this at me? The lyrics to ‘Saving Grace’ by Staked, Aston’s band, flow through the speakers loudly, which happens to be right next to my head. The sound reverberating right through my brain making every celebration, every touch, every kiss, every spoken word, every promise, every ‘I love you,’ every tear, all the heartache, and then the devastation flow through into my memory. I gasp as my chest tightens thinking of him—of Aston-fucking-Soulding.

I hunch over as my breaths become short and shallow. Hearing his music is reminding me of all the things I’ve lost. Not only him but for some reason my mother pops into my head as well. A hand on my back startles me as I look up to see Mason watching me with his eyes drooping and his lips turned down in a frown. “Hey, you all right?”

I take in some deep calming breaths, I can’t let Aston beat me anymore. I nod my head even though I feel like I could fall over if I move too much. Mason rubs my back tenderly. He knows that’s Aston’s band, he’s heard them enough. He knows what I’d be feeling right now, so I’m grateful that he cares. “You okay to go on?” he queries watching me as I continue to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth trying to gather myself.

“I’m fine,” I reply and he nods and helps me walk back to the front of the stage.

He watches me as my shaking hands move up to grip the microphone. I glance down at Brax and he’s watching me with furrowed brows and a tense stare. I look away because I can’t think right now, I just need to start performing again to get this fucking song off the speakers and out of my brain.

“How’s it feel to be a home wrecker?” Someone yells out and I try to ignore them.

“Are…are you ready to…for us to sing…play some more?” I try to talk to the crowd, but my words are coming out all wrong and I’m fumbling over the microphone.

“Aston is better off without you, whore!”

I’m really out of sorts as my head is all over the place and my body is shaking. I don’t even register that the guys have started playing until Mase nudges me, and I glance up and look into the audience to see their faces all turned toward me. Their eyes all hard and judgmental staring at me like I’ve lost my mind. I quickly figure out where in the song they’re at and start singing, but even to me my voice sounds flat, emotionless, and off balance.

I’m falling apart.

Someone in the crowd boos and it throws me, I lose my part in the song and stop singing trying to remember the words. The crowd becomes vocal and boo loudly as Mason walks over and looks at me while I stare out to the back of the room at nothing like the place is fading into that one spot. Everything around me is blurring as my chest tightens, and the loud booing and hissing from the crowd encroaches my eardrums like a persistent hum that won’t go away. I’m slowly losing my balance as I sway on the spot. My heart is thrashing in my chest, my blood pressure escalates as goose bumps litter my skin.

My trance is broken as an object hurtles past my face. The breeze from the fast paced movement snaps me from my daze, and I blink rapidly as I look down to the crowd who are all yelling and throwing their arms up in the air. Another foreign object flies at me, but this time it hits my side as I step backward and flinch with the force of the blow. The glass bottle plummets to the stage and jolts from side to side as it hits the floor. I heave a deep breath as the crowd surges forward and a man reaches up. An almighty scream erupts from my lungs making my throat ache with pain. I kick the guy away from me and start to run toward the back of the stage, my whole body is heavy and my feet feel like they’re dragging making me slower than normal. The music starts up again as Mase’s singing echoes through the pub. I continue to move off stage when a pair of arms wrap around me from behind, and I let out another scream forcing out all my pent up anxiety and terror at who could be manhandling me.

I push back into them and try to make them let me go. “Amber, relax, it’s me.” Brax’s deep voice soothes me instantly.

I melt into his arms as he holds me tightly and carries me to the back of the stage and then down the stairs, and through the back and into the green room. Being in Brax’s arms all the terror is slowly ebbing, but the anxiety seems to remain. However, just being in his arms is a comfort I haven’t felt before. I turn in his grip and cling to his shirt needing to be near him.

He pulls back looking at me. “Are you hurt?” he asks. I can’t think straight. I just need something to take the edge off, so I break free of his hold and race over to my handbag to grab my pill bottle. Unscrewing the lid, I tap the container to let the two tablets fall out. Throwing the tablets in my mouth, I find a bottle of water and drink them down. The moment I feel them flowing down my throat I feel a little calmer, but not completely. I’m losing my shit.

“Amber, what are they?” he asks walking over and grabbing the pill bottle from my hand harshly.

“Anti-anxiety meds. Nothing sinister, don’t worry.”

He slumps his body and the tense look in his face softens. “I’m glad it’s not hardcore drugs, and I’m happy that you have something to help with your stress. Is this all you take?” he asks and I furrow my brows at his question.

“I take an antidepressant daily, but that’s none of your business. Why are you so curious about my prescription habits?” I ask defensively.

“I saw you taking a pill the first morning I was working for you, and I’m curious as to what it was. Trust me, I’m all too familiar with antidepressants. I take them too. You’re not alone,” he says.

“You do?” I ask and he nods. “Why?”

He exhales and pulls me into an embrace. “War is tough. Being a soldier, fighting for your country, that’s great and all, but they don’t tell you about the dangers that come with it when you enlist. Sure you know about gunfire and death and all that, but they don’t tell you about the permanent brain scars you’re left with. The shit I’ve seen Amber…” he trails off and his eyes are distant like he’s somewhere else right now. His body is stiff, so I caress his cheek and he flicks back into the now and looks at me.

“Tell me,” I whisper.

He exhales and shakes his head. “I can’t burden you with that shit.”

The door swings open, the sound of their footsteps all stomping loudly against the floor makes my heart start to beat faster again.

I drop my hand from his cheek and take a step back as they all walk in and Mason rushes to my side. “Are you okay?” he asks bringing his hands up either side of my face. The tense grip of his fingers onto my cheek shows how scared he is as he forces me to look at him.

“I’m okay now. Brax brought me back from the edge.” Mase looks over to Brax and nods. He looks back at me and leans in pulling my face toward him and kisses my forehead. The gesture is sweet and not at all overbearing like he normally is.

“I hated seeing you upset like that. I hate that Aston still does that to you. And I hate that I can’t be the one to make the pain go away.”

I exhale bringing my hands up pulling his hands from my face forcefully and turn away from him. “Please don’t do this now, Mase, and it wasn’t Aston as much as it was the fan’s yelling at me for being with him, yet a-fucking-gain!” I say and he grabs my arm and turns me back around to face him, the air swishes around me from the force of the pull.

“I know you aren’t in the right place for anything right now. I know you’re hurting. Just please, think about giving us a shot when you’re able to.” His eyes are drooping and glassy as he looks at me.

I can’t help but roll my eyes and shake my head. Hunter walks over and steps in between us, and for once I’m grateful for the tough brother act. “No one is getting Amber’s attention except for Charli, okay Mase? Amber needs to get better first. Don’t go confusing her head with your desperation,” Hunter says and Mase glares at Hunter then looks from me to Brax.

“Does that go for him as well?” Mase asks snarkily.

Brax straightens slightly. “Yes, it goes for him as well. Amber is out of bounds for everyone,” Hunter says and I huff and throw my hands in the air in annoyance.

“Hello, I’m right here. Can you at least talk about me behind my back like normal people would, not when I’m right here.” I grab my bag storming out the back door toward the waiting bus. The cool night air hits my face and the flames of anger seething inside me aren’t cooled in the slightest. Time seems to drift past, as I pace back and forth thinking about how I lost it in there while thinking about Aston. Thinking about how Brax was the one to help me out of it, and how much I like him. But if Brax has the power to make me react to him the way I did tonight over Aston, then I’m not sure I want to fall for Brax either. If that’s what’s even happening? I groan out loud wondering where everyone is, and eventually they all file out of the venue with their instruments.

“You could help, you know?” Jayce teases and I’m not in the mood.

“You could shove your bass up your arse, you know?” I reply and he scrunches his eyebrows and nods walking to the back of the bus to put his guitar in the trailer. “Shit, Jayce, I’m sorry,” I call out as he walks off.

“All good, Amber Jewel,” he says and continues walking as the others come out carrying everything. I race over and help Hunter carry my amp and mic as he helps carry a tom-tom drum from Cooper’s kit.

“We need to hire roadies,” I suggest and Hunter laughs.

“More people on tour with us, I don’t think so,” he replies and I purse my lips and nod at his definitive answer.

Brax walks out and looks at me. I smile and he half smiles back at me as we load the instruments into the trailer. We all walk around to get onto the bus and Brax follows me on, but doesn’t sit next to me. I furrow my brows and fold my arms over my chest wondering if Hunter’s words are getting to him. The ride back to the hotel is quiet and the silence is deafening, no one is talking to me and I guess that’s probably because I made a complete fool of myself, but more importantly the band. I bring my legs up onto the chair and wrap my arms around my legs for the entire ride back.

We pull up at the hotel, and I actually can’t wait to climb into bed. I’m emotionally wrecked as I stretch my arms above my head and my muscles ache to remind me they’re there. The bus comes to a complete stop. So I stand up not waiting for anyone to exit and wrap my arms around myself for comfort. I know they all think I’m an emotional wreck, and I hate to think what Brax thinks of me now. The problem is, I know they’re right. But those triggers just keep haunting me over and over again. Walking toward the hotel my legs feel like lead weights, my entire body is heavy as I walk through the sliding doors. The guys keep up with me as we all walk quietly up to the elevators. Everyone is quiet which makes a change for these boisterous boys. I know it’s because of me. The elevator doors open and we all file in. I exhale as the doors close with a thud like the beating of my heart that is pounding in my chest. Everyone is looking down at the floor, Brax standing next to me. His arm is touching mine as we all squash in the confined area together, and it is the only small spark of light in this dimly lit space. The elevator chimes and the noise startles me as the doors groan as they open. The guys file out one by one and walk off to their respective rooms, not saying anything. Hunter is still parking the bus so he’s not here.

“Good night guys,” I call out and all I get is mumbled grunts in response.

I exhale and walk to my room noticing Brax following me, every step he inches toward me ignites an excited fire inside me. Stopping at my door, I turn and Brax is right behind me. He watches me furrowing his brows and pursing his lips. The look worries me like he’s trying to assess me.

“Can I come in and say good night?” he asks and I bite my bottom lip and nod.

He smiles and places his hand on my lower back as I pull out my card and swipe the door. It’s heavy to open and as I swing it, he places his hand on the door holding it for me. I walk through and he follows closing the door behind me quietly. His presence is unnerving and I try my best not to act crazy in front of him again. So I walk normally into the bedroom to see Clara sitting on the lounge suite still watching television. She glances over and when her eyes meet Brax, she smiles wide and stands up suddenly like something just grabbed her arse. I try to hold back my giggle.

“Have a good night?” she asks and I tense up looking down at the ground.

“It went well,” Brax says taking the heat off me. I turn and open my eyes wide and smile thanking him silently.

He nods subtly as Clara walks over to us. “Well, I’m calling it a night. Charli is sleeping soundly and I would like to be too.” I giggle as she strides up to me and leans in kissing my cheek. She pulls back slightly and winks and then turns walking toward the hotel door. “Night you two, don’t stay up too late,” she teases.

“Yes Mum,” I joke, and she looks back at me and smiles then turns walking out the door.

Brax chuckles and moves over to the bed and sits down on the mattress. I instantly feel the nerves setting in at being alone with him, especially after he saw me fall apart tonight, then went weird after Hunter spoke to him obviously. He pats the bed, and my heart skips a beat. I take a deep breath and walk over to the bed and sit down next to him. I sink into the soft mattress and his leg slides across against mine. I look down at our joined legs, I love it when he’s touching me. Glancing up at his face his lips are pressed into a thin line and his brows are furrowed. I bite my lip at his serious look.

“What’s wrong?” I ask breaking the tension.

His jaw clenches as his strong hand moves up rubbing his chin. “I don’t want to upset Hunter, we’re good mates and starting something with you is obviously going to annoy him.”

I swallow hard looking into his eyes, his green irises are wide, staring at me like he sees only me. It’s confusing because he’s saying he’s hesitant to start anything, but his eyes clearly state otherwise.

“It’s okay. We won’t take this any further if you don’t want to,” I say not really wanting that at all. My heart is hammering in my chest at the sudden seriousness of this conversation.

He shakes his head and leans in bringing his hand up to my cheek, the tenderness in his touch soothes my nerves slightly. “I do want to take this further, though.”

His low tenor sends an ache right through to my very core, and even though I’m confused at his ‘I don’t want to—but I do’ dance, I decide to make the move because my body is screaming for him. I lean in toward him, my chest rising and falling rapidly at the harshness of my breaths. His eyes focus down to my lips and my lips part slightly as I lean in closing my eyes and bring my hand up to his hair and pull his mouth to mine.

His lips crash against mine with no hesitation, and my mouth opens freely letting in his tongue. The wave of pleasure rolling through me already is sending me on a high, and I just hope Brax is right there with me. His hard toned chest is soon pressed against mine and angling me down toward the bed. I fall backward and the soft plushness of the mattress hitting my back is a stark contrast to his hard chiseled chest covering my body. My hands run through his velvety hair while his mouth stays connected with mine. His hips move in between my legs as I wrap my legs around his waist tightly pulling him as close to me as I can. I need to feel every inch of him, exploring him is my new favourite thing to do.

My hands slide down his athletic back, his muscles pulling and straining as I grip onto them. One of his hands is holding him up on the mattress beside my face, and the other is running his fingers through my hair tenderly. The passion he’s showing is bringing more excitement by the minute.

Deciding I want to take this further as the pulsating between my legs is becoming unbearable, my fingers veer down toward the edge of his shirt and slide in underneath feeling his burning hot skin. My breath catches even though I’m still kissing him. I start to lift his shirt up wanting to remove it so I can have the feeling of skin on skin with him. The idea of being naked with Brax is so appealing to me right now, it seems to be all that’s flooding through my mind. My lips part from his as his shirt slides up his ripped stomach. He pulls back allowing me to sweep his shirt off over his head, his disheveled hair moves gently with the motion like something you would see in a movie. He truly is breathtaking. Green glistening irises meet mine again and he beams at me, his eyes shining full of lust. His chest is heaving as his breath catches gazing at me. My lips spread into a broad smile because the way he’s looking at me is sending a wave of intoxication straight through me.

He wants me.

I want him.

This is going to happen.

I throw his shirt to the floor and my hands come back and lace into his hair pulling his lips back to mine. I missed his kiss. His tongue is against mine instantly and the fire within me is burning insatiably. He grinds his hips in between my legs. Raising my pussy up to meet his thrust, I moan slightly into his mouth letting him know that I need to feel him. His hand caresses my cheek and I want to touch his skin so I run my hand down his back, his flesh is blazing and it sends heat down my hand. His muscles ripple beneath my touch like a wave a pleasure rolls underneath him when my fingers stroke him.

His hand delicately glides down my side sending a wave of tingles through me. I kiss him passionately as his hand reaches under my shirt and his strong fingers dance across my sensitive stomach. He casually starts moving my top upward, ever so slowly like he’s worried I might freak out. I shuffle slightly letting him know he can take my top off. All I’ve been craving is his skin on mine, so getting my top off now is a priority for me. His weight shifts slightly so he can undress me. Our lips part, both our chests are heaving with rushed panting as he pulls the black camisole effortlessly from me, leaving me in a black and purple lace bra. His eyes focus on my supple breasts and he swallows hard shaking his head slightly. His eyes squint and his brows furrow, and I tense up under him watching his gaze on me go from pure unadulterated lust into something like a pain-filled tension.

“What’s wrong?” I ask suddenly feeling very open.

“Hunter…” he trails off, and I open my eyes wide and grab his arm. He looks back at me and I look deeply into his eyes studying him.

“You’re thinking about Hunter?... Now?” I question and he exhales and goes to move off me.

I suddenly tense and grab him, my hands either side of his face forcing him back down on top of me. His chest finally collides with mine. Skin on skin. I exhale as he looks in my eyes and I see panic in them.

“Don’t over think this. Do you want me?”

I am putting myself out there for him. Even with all the heartbreak from Aston, even swearing I would never let anyone else in again, there’s something about Brax that makes me want to try. So I look him in the eyes and try to wash his panic away.

“Every single inch of me wants you, Amber,” he admits.

And just like that Brax opens my heart up to him. I don’t know if I’m setting myself up for a giant fall, but I want to see where this goes. So I run my fingers through his hair caressing him.

“Then have me. Have all of me,” I whisper pulling his lips against mine. He quickly responds and kisses me back passionately, seemingly made the decision to go with his heart on this one too.