I’ve been holed up in my room all day and even though Mum has been checking in on me and bringing in food and drinks, I feel bad that I haven’t seen Dad. And knowing that he’s downstairs and in the music room for the last few hours proves to me that he’s upset. He typically spends his free days with Mum, or Ella and me, and he usually goes into the music room for hours only when he’s upset or worried about something.

And the slow, sombre music that’s still filtering up from downstairs makes me feel worse and worse by the second. I get up and decide to get changed. I’m still in my short black lace dress from last night and to be honest I really need to get out of it and away from the awful memory of my stupid behaviour.

My phone vibrates… again. Aston is still calling me, even though I haven’t picked up the last twenty-seven times he’s called, not that I’m counting or anything. I get changed into my grey joggers and a vest and decide I may as well bite the proverbial bullet and head down to talk to Dad. I walk down the hall and to the stairs. Sassy and Snaggy bark at me from the bottom of the stairs and I shush them as I travel the endless staircase. Why it seems so long today, I’m not sure, but I still feel gross so I’m taking it slow. The music stops and I pause on the stairway and then it starts again so I continue walking. I get to the bottom and move around and walk the hallway toward the music room and to Dad.

I wonder briefly where Mum and Ella are, but we all know when Dad’s in his music room, not to interrupt. But I’m a rebel and I really need to make sure we’re okay, so interruption is my goal right now. I walk toward the music room and pause just outside the door. My heart is thumping in my chest because I don’t know if I’ll get an angry, sad, or disappointed Dad right now. And honestly, none of those options sound better than the other. I take a deep breath and round the doorway to see Dad sitting on a stool playing my guitar. My body slumps at the sight of Dad getting lost in his music. Normally his eyes are full of light when he plays, right now though, they’re closed tight and I know that he’s sad because of me.

“Dad,” I whisper quietly and he opens his eyes and looks right at me.

He swallows and stops playing. “How are you feeling?” he asks and I shrug.

“Okay, I suppose. A little tired still,” I admit and he stands up turning his back and walking my guitar over to its stand.

I pause in the doorway, not knowing whether he’s actually ready to see me or not. He turns around and moves across to the white lounge sitting down and then patting the seat for me to sit next to him. I smile slightly and shuffle over sitting right next to him. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and leans me in kissing my hair and then releasing me.

“I’m glad you’re okay. Annie if anything had happened to you—”

“I’m fine, Dad. I’m so sorry I scared you, that was never my intention,” I say honestly and he leans back into the lounge and exhales.

“I know sweetheart, but you have to remember to be more responsible. Anything could have happened to you. You could’ve choked on your own vomit… you could’ve been taken advantage of by some creep… you could have died, Annie,” he says and now I understand his outburst last night. It’s like a light has been switched on in my brain and I’m seeing things for the first time. Even though I know he was worried about me, I guess what I didn’t realise was, he just doesn’t want to lose me.

“I am sorry, Dad, and I promise I will never do that again!”

“I know you won’t. I’m sorry I yelled at you so much last night,” he says but his eyes are cast to the window and he is staring outside.

“It’s okay, I totally deserved it.”

He turns around to face me and I internally gasp. “Yeah, you did, but I didn’t have to yell it at you,” he says and I remember just how angry he looked. But compared to how he looks now, I’ll take his angry face any day.

“Where’s Caleb? I hope you weren’t too hard on him?” I ask and Dad smiles finally.

“No, I wasn’t hard on him. He did the right thing now that I can see more clearly. I would’ve made a scene if I’d have found out at the party or hospital, so it was better I found out here. He left early this morning,” he says and I nod.

“So he stayed over?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want him driving back to London at three in the morning. Hux would’ve killed me,” he says and I chuckle knowing Uncle Hux probably would have. He’s very protective over Caleb, just like Dad is with me and Ella. “So, I think I need to talk to you a bit about the dangers of drinking. You know that drinking in excess leads to wrong choices Annie. You’re seventeen now and hormones are running through you—”

“Oh my God, Dad. We so do not need to talk about that—”

He tilts his head. “Maybe not, but you need to know what can happen if you get so wasted that you can’t control your own actions or the people’s around you. What would’ve happened if someone had raped you, Annie? You could have gotten pregnant and then how would you feel?”

“Dad really?”

“Yes really, Annie.” He exhales and runs his hand through his hair. “You’re my baby, right? You’re the first child Lia and I have together, and that alone means the world to us Annie. You know what happened to your mum. The accident took away our ability to have our own children together, which was terrible, but in a weird way it was the best thing that could have happened,” he says and I raise an eyebrow looking at him slightly confused. “It may have been a terrible time for us, Annie, but without Lia being hit by the van and being injured so badly, then that would’ve stopped our chances of finding you. Don’t you see Annie, your mother and me, we live because of you… and Ella. Without you two our world would have caved in a long time ago. You’re the glue that holds this family together and without you, Annie…” He shakes his head and exhales. “Well, without you; Lia, Ella and me, we would struggle to stay afloat. This family needs four to survive, and the same goes if something happened to Ella the rest of us wouldn’t cope. Do you understand what I am saying?” he asks and in a way I know exactly what he’s saying. Together we are a strong team, but lose one member of the structure and the whole thing comes tumbling down.

“I know what you mean, Dad. I’m so sorry that I scared you,” I say and he leans in wrapping his arm around my shoulders again.

“You did scare me. When you said you were at the hospital because you were drunk well, it sent me back to all the times I drank too much and the shit I got up to. I don’t want that life for you, Annie. That’s why I protect you and Ella from it so much. I’ve lived it and it nearly killed me, and I couldn’t stand it if I let that life kill you… you or Ella, or Caleb, or even Aston or Chad. I love you all. I’ve watched each and every one of you grow up and our families are entwined forever, Annie. I know how close you are to Aston, just imagine how he will feel knowing what happened, and what could have happened to you. Imagine if it were him in your shoes, and how you would feel about him having to go to the hospital to stop it from poisoning him. Do you see where I am coming from now?” he asks and I nod while I think of Aston.

I wonder if he knows?

I’m sure my mum would’ve talked to his mum Anna, and Anna probably told Aston. She probably told him not to hang around with me so much anymore too. I know that’s what I would do if I were in her shoes. ‘Make sure you stay away from the angry self-destructo girl,’ I can imagine her telling Aston. Not that I blame her, the way I treated him at the party was rude. I shouldn’t have slapped him that’s for sure.

“Are you okay?” Dad asks breaking me from my thoughts of Aston.

I look up at him and my eyes start to well with tears. “I love you, Dad,” I say and he presses his lips together and looks up at the roof like he’s trying to stop himself from breaking down. I hate that I’ve done this to him. He’s usually so strong and pig-headed, so to see his weaker side is a sight not often seen.

“I love you too, Annie. Please just remember that, when you have your tantrums and go off doing stupid things.”

“I think I’m done being stupid now, Dad,” I say and he exhales and puts his hands together like he is praying.

“Praise the Lord,” he teases and I roll my eyes.

“I know I’ve said it a lot, but I want you to know I really am sorry for scaring you, and Mum. I never wanted to make you this sad.”

“I’m not sad sweetheart, just worried. I want to be the best father I can and to be worthy of having you as my daughter. I know you struggle thinking about your birth parents all the time. I just want to try and make sure the life you have with us would be better than the one you may have had with them,” he says breaking my heart a little. He’s worried he isn’t good enough for me and Ella, just like we worry that we’re not good enough for him and Mum.

“I don’t want better parents, Dad. You and Mum give me and Ella everything we could ever need and want—”

“Maybe that’s the problem that we give you everything?”

I half-laugh and shrug. “Maybe, but just know that we truly appreciate the life you have given us. You gave us music and a loving family, a wonderful home and the best friends we could ever ask for. I think you’re doing everything right. It’s just me who’s doing everything wrong and who’s making the mistakes. You don’t see Ella acting like me, so you must be doing something right. I think my moods must come from my birth parents, that’s the only thing I can think of to explain why I’m such a… brat.”

“You are a brat, but I love you no matter what. And Annie… if you have a temper for the rest of your life, that’s fine with me, as long as you’re healthy and happy because that’s all I really want for you.”

“Thanks Dad,” I say and he exhales and rests his head back on the lounge.

“So, wanna jam?” he says and I laugh and shake my head.

“We have a serious deep and meaningful and now you wanna just… jam like nothing’s happened?”

He smirks and nods. “Music makes me feel better, and I know it does for you too. I thought if we jammed together that might help relieve the extra tension.”

“Okay, but as long as we get to play a Staked song,” I say and he laughs standing up and walking over to get the guitars.

“Okay, sure,” he says and I stand up and walk over to collect my guitar from him.

 

***

 

It’s late and I need to go back to bed even though I spent all morning and most of the afternoon there. I hung out with Dad for a couple of hours playing Staked songs and I’m so glad that things seem less strained between us now. It’s funny how music can bring people together after a rough situation. I couldn’t help my thoughts from wandering to Aston today. He was always on my mind. It could have been because I was playing our music or it could’ve been because of last night, but either way I’m feeling less anger toward him and more sympathy. If he feels something for me, other than friendship, we’re going to have to sort that out because there’s no way anything can happen within the band. It’s just not the right thing to do for the sake of Staked.

I walk up the stairs after saying goodnight to everyone. I know it’s only a little after ten p.m. but I really just want to cuddle into bed again. I’m so wiped from the emotional twenty-four hours, just gone.

I make a mental note to text Caleb to thank him for his support. It meant so much that he was there for me when I needed him. I make it to my room and that familiar vibration is sounding against my bedside table. I walk in and close the door to see my phone flashing brightly, in the dimly lit room. I have some purple lanterns on my bed head and the glow from them is giving the room a purple sparkle and a romantic feel. I guess I am a romantic at heart and the thought of having a boyfriend isn’t as repulsive as it once was. But that can’t happen. My music is what’s most important to me right now, and nothing can get in the way of that.

I move over to my bed to see Aston is calling again. I slump onto the mattress and huff, not knowing what to do for the best. I’m surprised he didn’t show up today, but he’s probably scared that I told Dad what happened, and I know Aston would be scared of Dad ripping him to shreds. Which I’m sure he would do if he knew what actually happened and that Aston was the reason I drank myself stupid.

The phone starts to vibrate again and I furrow my brows.

The guy doesn’t give up!

I left my phone up here all day because I had an inkling he would be calling me nonstop like this, and to be honest I miss my best friend. It’s been nearly a whole twenty-two hours since I last spoke to him, and that’s a long time for us to go without catching up. My resolve is weakening and as I watch the flashing screen go black again I tell myself that if he rings again I’ll turn my phone off. And as I sit and stare at the screen waiting for it to light up again, a small sense of dread fills me that maybe if I don’t pick up he might give up on me. And even though I don’t want him as my boyfriend, I still want my best friend. My heart starts to race as I wonder what this could do to the band? The members of a group need to all work harmoniously together, not be completely avoiding each other – this could be bad. I need to talk to him. I swipe the screen to bring up his number and it vibrates in my hand. I jump slightly and smile as I swipe the screen to answer the call.

“Hello?” I say and I hear him exhale loudly.

“Jesus Annie, did you take long enough to answer?” he says sounding half-serious and half-joking. I can’t tell which one is more predominant.

“Yeah sorry, I’ve been a bit out of it today.”

“Well, I’m just so glad you finally answered. You were driving me crazy. I was so worried about you… and how you reacted last night,” he says and I bite my bottom lip and exhale.

“I was just feeling a little strange and I needed to escape for a bit,” I explain and there’s a long silence.

“Escape from me?”

I suddenly feel awful for ignoring him all day. “I started to feel awkward. I don’t know what it all means? What happened with us, I mean,” I say and he goes quiet again. “Aston?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I felt the awkwardness too. But I don’t want that to come between us and I will pull back if it means I can still be your friend?” he asks and I relax a little at our amazingly awkward conversation.

“I um… I think we need to think of the band here, Aston. That’s what’s important, right?”

He hesitates and I hear him exhale. “Sure. And for the record, Annie, I heard about what happened. I overheard Mum telling Dad that you went to the hospital for drinking too much alcohol. I just hope I wasn’t the reason you did that.”

I pause. “Do you really want to know the answer to that question, Aston?” I say and he goes quiet again.

“I’m such an idiot,” I think I hear him murmur, but I’m not quite sure because he said it so softly.

“What?”

“Um, nothing. I’m glad you’re okay. I was so worried. I wanted to come over, but I didn’t know how much your dad knew about what happened. I’m sorry that it happened and it won’t happen again, I promise.”

I lay down on the bed and cuddle into my pillow, not knowing whether that’s a good or a bad thing. “Dad doesn’t know what happened. No one does except for Caleb, and he won’t say anything.”

“Well, that’s good. And Annie?”

“Yeah?”

“I really am sorry about trying to kiss you—”

“Aston stop,” I interrupt.

“Okay, but we’re still friends though, right?” he asks sounding like he’s really hurting.

“Of course, Aston. Best friends. We always will be,” I say hoping like hell that’s the truth because I honestly don’t know what I want. All I know is Aston has been here my entire life and I can’t imagine him not being around me.

“That’s so good to hear. I’ll be coming round tomorrow for school and rehearsal, so maybe we can have a moment together just to make sure we’re okay?”

“We’re all right, Ast. Don’t worry, okay? It’s probably best that we don’t talk about it, anyone could overhear. You know how the walls have ears around here,” I say and I finally hear him chuckle. The sound is like a wonderful bright song flooding through me, and I know that Aston and I are going to be just fine.

“Yeah okay. So how ‘bout that slurry hanging off of Caleb, last night?” he says with an air of playfulness to his tone. I laugh and I know the subject of us is dropped and now we’re back to normal conversations, which is perfect for me. No awkwardness, no tension, just me and my best friend laughing and bagging out all the self-centred ego-maniacs from last night. And this is the way it’s supposed to be.