Indi and I were sneaking around the house trying to spend as much time alone together as possible. But it was hard with school, the band, and us both finding jobs. We thought we were old enough to start bringing in our own money. Indi got a job as a casual receptionist at the local doctor’s office and I was tutoring school kids in music. It was hard to find the time to be together. By this time, it was nine months after her parents had died and Indi wanted to save up enough money to be able to afford her own place to rent. She loved living with us, but she felt like she was a burden on Mum and Dad, so she decided she needed to save for her own place. I wanted to move in with her, so I was saving madly too. We hadn’t discussed moving in together, but I just assumed that was the road we were taking together. We’d been showing our affection for each other for the last three months and our kissing was getting very hot and heavy.

One night when Mum and Dad were at a party in London they were staying out all night, something to do with Dad’s band, Indi and I stayed home because we were so close to finals we really wanted to study. But study was the last thing on my mind, being home alone with Indi was something I’d been waiting for over the last three months, and it was finally here.

That night Indi and I would make love for the first time.

I decorated my room while she was studying. I lit her favourite scented candles placing them everywhere and cleaned my room. I made sure that the bedsheets were clean and fresh and I even put on her favourite CD into my machine so we could listen, even though I thought the band was shit. I just wanted everything to be right for her. She was perfect, so our first time together had to be perfect too.

We had dinner and then I took her up to my room, and when we walked in she smiled brightly and looked back at me with a glimmer in her eyes.

“You did this for me?” she asked and I nodded.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it, Caleb. But why?” she asked and I tensed up.

I thought it would’ve been obvious, and suddenly I realised what if she wasn’t ready or didn’t want to go that far with me? I could feel the blood draining from my face as she smirked at me.

“It’s okay, Caleb. I know why, I’m just teasing you,” she said and that didn’t help my insecurities.

I was wondering if I’d assumed incorrectly. Did she really want me that way?

“Sorry, is it too much?” I asked.

She took my hand in hers and walked me over to the bed. I could feel the pain of rejection stinging me already. She looked into my eyes and it eased the tension slightly. I swallowed hard as she looked at me in such a way that my dick was twitching inside my pants and I hadn’t even kissed her properly tonight.

“It’s just enough, Caleb,” she said and leaned in to kiss me passionately.

I moved my hand into her hair and held her to me, opening my mouth to let her tongue in. She kissed me like there was no time left to live. She meant it, and her kiss was making me think that she was completely in this with me. I pulled back and looked into her crystal blue eyes.

“What are you thinking?” I asked and she giggled.

She brought her hand up to my face and caressed my cheek. “That I want you to make love to me,” she said. At those few words, my cock jerked almost rigid in my pants. Hearing her say that she wanted me as much as I wanted her made me feel all sorts of things I never could have imagined.

We’d done most things in the lead up to sex, so I knew her body and she knew mine. But I was yet to be inside of her and that was about to happen. I asked her if she was sure and if she was truly ready to take the next step and she was emphatic. She wanted me, and I was going to give her exactly what she wanted. I needed to make her see how much I loved her and how much I was destined to be with her. She had to know that this was it for me. She was it. Us, together, was all I’d ever wanted.

We made love slowly and I tried my hardest not to hurt her. I made sure to ask her continuously if she was okay. I could tell she was a little sore and so I slowed down. But she kept up with me and we moved in perfect harmony. I never knew something could feel as utterly incredible as that did and I wanted to feel like this with her every day for the rest of my life. I know I’m being mushy again, but at that moment it felt fantastic. The chemistry was electrifying and the love I felt for her was so alive it was permeating every part of my soul. It made me feel impassioned, so much so that that I felt the emotion well up inside me. That’s how in love with her I was. Everything seemed perfect. It lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. I thought for sure the moment I was inside of her that I wouldn’t be able to control myself. But being inside her was the best feeling and I needed to make that last for as long as possible. Indi kissed me like there was no tomorrow and I kissed her right back. Nothing could ruin the moment we spent together…nothing.

We slept next to each other, cuddling for the entire night. I whispered in her ear that I loved her and I wanted her to be mine forever, for us to make it official and she didn’t reply. I thought she was asleep. I closed my eyes, kissed her behind her ear and snuggled into her back pulling her naked body closer to mine. I just wanted to wrap myself around Indi and never let her go. Everything was as it was meant to be.

The next morning I woke and she wasn’t in my bed. I was a little confused and then realised that she’d probably gone to her room to get dressed for school. I got up and dressed, then walked toward her room knocking softly on her door first. I walked inside and she was in her bed cuddled up in a ball. I furrowed my brows wondering what was wrong with her.

“Indi?” I asked and she opened her eyes and they were watering. I rushed to her side and she flinched away from me.

“Indi, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” I asked, worried that maybe I was too rough and hurt her in some way. She shook her head and I watched as a tear ran down her face and splashed onto her pillow. “Baby, talk to me.”

She swallowed hard. “Don’t call me that,” she whispered and sat up in her bed inching away from me. The hairs on my neck stood up and a cold shiver ran down my spine. Something was wrong and all I wanted to do was to help Indi with whatever was troubling her.

“Okay, but talk to me. Did I upset you?” My heart started thumping fast like I knew something terrible was coming.

“Yes,” is all she muttered and then stood up walking over to her wardrobe, beginning to pull her clothes out to dress for school.

“I’m sorry! What did I do? How can I fix this?” I asked starting to feel panic sweeping in.

“It’s not what you did, it’s what you said that’s the problem,” she replied. I furrowed my brows trying to think of something I might have said that she wouldn’t have liked. I was drawing a blank.

“I’m lost Indi, tell me what I said.” She shook her head and turned to face me with such a harsh look in her eyes. I knew she was angry, and by the flaring of her nostrils I could tell this was all my fault. I just didn’t know what I’d done. I stood up and went to walk over to her, but she put her hand up stopping me in my tracks.

“You know what happened to my parents, right?”

I cocked my head back in confusion.

Of course I know what happened, I was there!

“Of course, Indi—”

“Then why would you go and ruin everything?”

I wasn’t following at all. “What do you mean? How did I ruin everything?” I asked taking a step forward. She glared at me and shook her head letting me know not to come any closer.

“Why did you have to say that?”

I was still drawing a blank. “Indi, you have to tell me? I don’t know what I said that was so terrible?”

She huffed and folded her arms across her chest. “You said you wanted me to be yours.”

I smiled. “You are mine—”

“Stop it, Caleb,” she exclaimed throwing her hands in the air in frustration.

“What Indi? I don’t get what’s happening here.” I was getting a little frustrated myself.

“You know what happened, so how could you ever say that to me?”

I exhaled and threw my head back not knowing what her cryptic talk was all about. “Indi just fucking tell me,” I said a little more forcefully than I wanted to.

She huffed and glared at me so fiercely that if looks could kill I’d have been in a hell of a lot of trouble.

“My parents died!” she yelled at me.

“I know! I was there too, Indi,” I said back to her just as loudly.

“Well then, you should know how I feel about love and relationships.”

I was lost again. “Indi, how could I possibly know how you feel about love and relationships? We’ve never talked about it bef—”

“Exactly! If we didn’t talk about being in a relationship then what in your God-forsaking right mind would make you ever think that I would want to be in one?” she said yelling full force.

I took a step back and shook my head in disbelief. Indi didn’t want a relationship with me, I think that’s what she was saying. “So, what? You don’t want to be with me? But you’ll have sex with me?”

She groaned and turned her back walking to the other side of the room. “Caleb, last night was special, it was amazing and wonderful and perfect. But you screwed us up by saying that you wanted more from me. We are both children of addicted parents, Caleb. Your dad to drugs and my parents well, they were addicted to love. So addicted to each other, in fact, that when one died the other killed themselves to be with them. That’s not love that’s obsession, and there’s no way I’m getting into a relationship knowing that our fate could be the sa—”

“What the fuck, Indi! Listen to yourself. We’re not our parents. That won’t hap—”

“But it could Caleb. They loved each other so much they didn’t even care about their child who they left behind. Don’t you see? I don’t want to end up like that. You off being a famous rock star and me back here waiting for you to overdose on drugs, and then because of it, I off myself because I can’t live without you. That can’t happen, Caleb.”

I opened my eyes wide at her raw openness. I lowered my voice and exhaled as I moved across to her. “Indi, that won’t happen. For starters, I’m not a rock star. Secondly, I’d never take drugs, I can’t because of the transplant. And thirdly, Indi, I would never leave you like that. If something terrible happened and I died, I’d want you to live on and be happy. Don’t you see, baby, we belong together? Don’t let the acts of two selfish parents ruin our chance at happiness,” I said reaching out touching her elbow. She turned around and looked at me softly this time.

“Caleb, I know what you’re saying you believe, and I bet Mum never thought she’d slit her wrists if Dad died either. But in the heat of the moment people do stupid things and I don’t want us to end up dead. We’re better off as friends, Caleb, that’s all we ever should’ve been. I can’t give you more. I just don’t have the strength,” she said and walked away from me out of her room, leaving me standing there just trying to catch my breath. I was reeling.

Indi had broken up with me before we were even together, and it hurt like hell. A million red hot knives were stabbing me in my chest and I couldn’t breathe. I leaned over grabbing hold of the end of her bed as I hyperventilated. I couldn’t stop the tears from cascading down my face. Indi was my everything and to her…I was nothing.

A friend? I had been friend-zoned and it was worse than the day I saw her parents die. Because this time it was me who was the one who was dying. Inside I was dead, and nothing I could do would fix the pain of losing her before I’d even had her. No one could compare to Indi, and living with her now would be even more difficult than I could have ever imagined.

When I heard the front door shut, I somehow found the strength to pull myself together after falling to the floor and sobbing like some stupid lovesick teenage girl. Indi had broken me. I didn’t know if I could fix what was broken between us, and at that moment I was so blinded by the hurt and the pain that all I had left was anger. Anger that she could string me along and make me believe in a relationship with her, when there was, in fact, never a chance of that. I pulled my shit together and walked to school. I knew I’d be late, but I had an exam and if I wanted to pass final year I needed to attend. I was infuriated, I wasn’t going to let her take my heart and my education too. Indi had taken all she could from me, and I was determined not to let her take anything else.

It ended now! She wanted friendship, well stiff. She didn’t want a relationship and I would make her suffer for it. I realise that was immature, but I was running on seventeen-year-old hormones and pain like I’d never experienced before. The adrenalin was keeping me going and as long as I didn’t see her today I’d be fine.

I arrived at school, took my exam, aced it, and then as I was walking out of the classroom still thinking about Indi’s supple pink lips, a girl wrapped her arms around mine and her friend did the same on the other side. I looked at them, then smiled shaking my head.

“Hello ladies,” I said in a cocky, arrogant manner.

They both giggled like the idiots they were, but I was in self-destruction mode, and any distraction from thinking about her was a good one.

“Hey, Caleb. So we heard that Colter Slade is your uncle, right?” the girl on the left said.

I was never usually open about my family. It drew unwanted attention and Dad and Colt didn’t like having our dirty laundry out in the open so to speak. But this time I was willing to make an exception.

“Yeah, that’s right, and Hux is my dad,” I said and both their eyes opened wide.

“Oh my God, so you’re practically famous then, right?” the girl on the right said.

I smiled my panty-dropping smile and nodded. “I’ll be famous one day too. I sing in a band and we’re going to be big, then you can say you touched the Rock God, Caleb McCormack-Slade.” They both giggled and held onto me tighter as we continued to walk out of the building and toward the car park.

“Wow Caleb, I never knew you were so amazing,” Lefty said and I chuckled at her. What a try-hard. I was a no one, and just because of my connections she was throwing herself at me.

“I try,” I said and Lefty looked at Righty and opened her eyes wide like she was not-so-secretly telling her to fuck off and leave us alone. Well, that’s what I got from that particular look anyway.

“Well Caleb, it was nice to chat with you. Have fun with Maddie,” she said and giggled looking at Lefty who’s obviously called Maddie.

“Thanks, Righty,” I said and she creased her brows and shook her head not understanding my nickname. I chuckled as she ran off leaving me with Maddie.

“So Mads, what are you doing now?”

She grinned and pushed me up against the back of the building. I smirked down at her forwardness and raised an eyebrow.

“I think you know what I wanna do to you, Caleb,” she said seductively. I just wanted to laugh, but I didn’t.

“I’m not sure I follow, Mads,” I replied. So she moved her body in line with mine and took hold of my collar either side of my neck. I couldn’t stop smiling because of how desperate she was and also that this could hurt Indi just like she’d hurt me.

“Let me make it a little clearer for you then,” she said and leaned in close to my face. I could smell her sweet smelling breath as she breathed on my lips. I think she must have been eating some kind of sweets ‘cause she smelt heavenly. I licked my lips and smirked as she leant on her toes and pressed her lips to mine. She ground her body into me and I kissed her back. It felt all kinds of wrong, but I was in pain and I needed something or someone to relieve it. Feeling like I was wanted made me feel better for the briefest of moments. She moved her hands into my hair and I moved mine around her waist and held her to me tightly as I thought about Indi and the lips I should be kissing. I imagined her blonde hair falling onto my face as she laid on top of me, and looking into her crystal blue eyes seeing devotion flowing back from them. As I kissed Maddie, I thought of only Indi and I started to get hard. I couldn’t help it, Indi did that to me. Maddie pulled back and grinned while looking down at my cock in my pants.

“How ‘bout we get that bad boy out, hey?” she asked.

I was still in my Indi dream-state as she unzipped my jeans and pulled out my cock.

“Jesus Christ you’re huge. How the hell am I going to fit that in my mouth?” Maddie said breaking me out of my trance. I looked down at her squatting in front of me holding my cock in her small hand and looking at it like it was the most fascinating thing she’d ever seen. I tensed up and shook my head.

What the fuck was I doing?

Trying to get back at Indi was not the way to deal with this!

But trying to get Indi back was.

And that’s what I needed to do. I pushed Maddie’s shoulder and she fell backward onto the ground.

“What the fuck?” she yelled as I frantically put my cock back inside my pants.

“Sorry Maddie, I’m just not into it,” I said and started to walk off.

“Your cock seemed into it. And you didn’t have to push me, you arsehole,” she yelled out at me. I ignored her and started the walk back home. It took a while and I could have caught a bus, but I needed to clear my head so I could talk to Indi when I got home and sort this mess out with her. I was such a dick thinking I could get over her with some slut from school. Indi meant everything to me and now I needed to show her exactly how much.