Danger and I stayed over at the Manor last night because we’d both been drinking, and after my encounter with Chad I wanted to go to bed and try to forget it even happened. So we went to my old room and slept. Thankfully Danger didn’t want to have sex because I don’t think I could have given myself to him last night. My mind was completely on Chad and it still is this morning as I lay in my old bed cuddled into Danger.
“Morning sugar,” Danger mumbles as he wakes up slowly and caresses my cheek.
“Morning, how’s your hangover?” I ask and he groans.
“Well, I won’t lie, your dad fed me way too much whisky last night,” he says as I run my hand up his tattooed chest. “How’s your head, are you feeling better?” he asks gently kissing the top of my head.
I exhale and frown because my head is a mess. I’ve been awake most of the night thinking about my moment with Chad, and how it made me feel like what I’m doing with Danger is wrong. But I can’t stop thinking Danger has given up so much to be with me and he seems ridiculously happy. I can’t take that away from him for my happiness.
“Ella?” Danger asks and I forgot to answer, lost in my own thoughts again.
“Sorry, yeah, I’m okay, a bit hungover I think.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, I think we all will be. One thing yesterday showed me though is that I can’t wait till our wedding day. To see you walk toward me in white looking stunning and knowing you’re all mine. I honestly can’t wait, sugar, I really can’t,” he says and my chest tightens and I close my eyes trying to calm myself.
“Me either,” I say so he doesn’t feel the rising panic I’m feeling right now.
“Let’s go down for breakfast, I’m sure Lia has put on an incredible spread as usual,” Danger says and sits up taking me with him.
We get dressed and walk downstairs to the kitchen hand-in-hand. The smell of bacon and sausages wafts through the air filling me with such a joy that I actually smile.
“There we go, there’s that beautiful smile. Are you sure you’re okay, you’re really quiet?” Danger asks and I look at him and nod.
“I’m fine, just need some sustenance,” I say and he nods as we walk in to see Mum and Dad at the stove cooking.
“Morning,” I announce.
“Oh, good morning guys. I’ve made a traditional English breakfast to help with the alcohol absorption. Sit down and I’ll bring some over, your father has some news,” Mum says and I raise my eyebrow in curiosity and sit down at the table as Dad walks over and sits at the table with us.
“What’s going on, Dad?” I ask as Danger takes my hand under the table.
“Okay, well we want to go on a holiday. All of Slayed and Staked, the two bands together,” Dad says. I tense up slightly not only because it’s weird, but because that means going on a holiday with Chad.
“Okay, why?” I ask and Dad smiles.
“We’re all going to Hawaii to spend a nice vacation together. It will be the last time the two bands are together with all the family,” he says and I furrow my brows.
“Dad you’re being weird. Why would it be the last time?” I ask wondering if he knows something I don’t.
“Just, will you come on the holiday or not?” Dad asks and I know going on a holiday with Chad and his family will be really horrible, but I can see in Dad’s eyes he really wants this. So I will do it if I have to.
“Okay sure, when’s this holiday?” I ask.
“We leave tomorrow. We’re kind of invading Annie and Aston’s honeymoon,” he says and I shake my head.
“Dad, can’t we go another time? Let them have their honeymoon and we can go after?”
“I’ve already run it by Annie and she thinks it’s a great idea. As long as they get their own room they’re happy to have us all there,” he says and I roll my eyes. “Right, we leave tomorrow.”
I turn to Danger.
“I might have to fly up the day after, unfortunately. Gargoyle are coming in to meet with Rob tomorrow, and I promised Omar I’d be there to help,” Danger says and I pout.
“That’s okay, I’ll wait and fly with you,” I say and he shakes his head.
“No babe, you go with your family. I’ll only be a few hours behind you and I’ll leave as soon as I can, getting there as quickly as possible, okay?”
“Yeah, come on the jet with us, Ella. One last ride with all of us,” Dad says and I furrow my brows again and wonder why he’s talking like that.
“Okay, yeah, let’s do it,” I say and then smile because I love Hawaii and I’ve always wanted to go as a tourist, not as a rock star.
“Breakfast’s ready,” Mum says bringing over a tray full of deliciousness. I smile and look at Danger and maybe a holiday is just what we need.
***
I finish packing for our two week long holiday and after our stay in Hawaii, Danger and I are continuing on to California to see his sister and parents for the first time. I figured we were in the country, so we may as well make the effort. Plus, I really want to meet Mouse. I’ve spoken to her a few times on the phone and she seems lovely, but I really want to meet her. Placing the luggage on the floor, Danger walks up to me and smiles.
“How will I cope not sleeping next to you tonight?” he says and I smile.
“I have no idea. All I know is for the thirty odd hours you’re not with me, it’ll be torture,” I say and he smiles brightly and leans in kissing me. He turns grabbing my luggage and starts walking with me to the front door.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the manor? Getting a taxi seems so—”
“Ideal? You have to go to work, I don’t want you to be late, especially now you’re taking a month off. So stop second guessing and kiss me again.”
He chuckles and leans in kissing me forcefully, his dominant side still very much there. He can be gentle sometimes, loving always, but his rough and dominant side still shines through in the bedroom, and I’ve grown to like it again.
Although, I do miss the gentle caress of Chad.
Stop Ella!
I bring myself back into the now and kiss Danger rather than thinking about Chad and the fact I’m going to be seeing him shortly on the band’s jet and then spending the next two weeks with him on holiday. Danger pulls back as the taxi arrives at the front of our house.
“Just remember, I love you. Call me when you land, okay?” he asks.
“Of course. I love you too. I’ll see you soon,” I say leaning on my toes and kiss him once more before turning and dragging my luggage to the waiting taxi.
“Enjoy your trip, when we get back we can start planning our wedding,” he says and I smile and nod.
The driver lifts my bags into the trunk and I slide into the car and turn back to look at Danger, who’s smiling and waving. He really does adore me and I’m so grateful for that. The taxi pulls away from our house and I wave and blow a kiss as I drive away from Danger toward the manor.
Mum and Dad are going to drive us to the airport to board the jet to travel the fifteen hours to Honolulu. The taxi to the manor is short, but the whole way I’m thinking of the jet ride with Chad. I want to talk to him on the jet if he lets me. I need to try and see if we’re okay because this holiday will be very awkward if we’re not. I want to try and make an effort with him and sort something out, and for a moment I’m grateful that Danger won’t be on the flight. It gives me time to work with Chad to sort us out, without Danger being in the way to get all broody about it.
***
After arriving at the Manor, Mum and Dad were ready to go straight away so we left for the airport and drove to London. The hour and a half drive had me thinking and dwelling even more on Chad and the things I wanted to say to him. I’d have my speech all worked out in my head then I would second guess myself and work out an entirely new speech. I just wanted us to be okay, and for this holiday to work. I want Staked to be okay, because it was only a matter of time before we start again after Annie and Aston have their break, and Chad and I being at war won’t help the band at all.
We pull up on the tarmac. I see the jet. We haven’t been on it in so long that I’d forgotten how big it was. I smile remembering all the good times this jet has brought us all. It started as Dad’s band’s tour jet and became Staked’s jet as well. This jet has been everywhere and seen us through a lot. It’s amazing how one object can do so much. I slide out of the car and walk with Mum to the stairs, my nerves are wreaking havoc. I have no idea if Chad is on there yet, but all I know is that I’m silently freaking out. Walking up the stairs, I step inside the jet and Tamara is there like always to greet us.
“Good morning, ladies. Lia, your pill,” Tamara says handing Mum her customary relaxation medicine for her fear of flying.
“Thanks, Tam, you’re always the bright star on this jet, you know that?” Mum says taking the pill and swallowing it with some water.
Tamara laughs and shakes her head. “I’ve been working with you guys all my working career, trust me the bright stars have always been you guys,” she says.
I smile and pat her shoulder as I walk past and into the cabin. I take a deep breath and look over the seats of people. Caleb and Indi with Aria next to Hux and Macy. Annie cuddled into Aston. Johnny and Anna sitting with Sia, Dingo and the twins Carter and Carlton. I tense seeing them if they’re here there’s a good chance Chad is too. I look at Sia and she looks up at me and exhales and half-smiles. I smile back knowing there’s tension between us. She knows I’m the reason her son is off the rails, and I know I’m the reason too. I just wish I could help him. And I want to, I just need to find him.
I keep walking to the back of the jet and spot him sitting at the very back by the window curled up on the seat. I huff and walk over and look down at him.
“Chad,” I say quietly and he turns to look at me exhaling placing his feet on the floor and sitting up straighter. He turns and looks out the window. I swallow hard. The circles under his eyes are bigger, and he looks pale like he hasn’t been eating. He really looks terrible. “Chad, can I sit here?” I ask and he shrugs so I sit down next to him. “Can you talk to me, please?” I beg as my heart races looking at this broken man in front of me.
He turns his head and swallows. “I’m sorry for kissing you. That was entirely inappropriate. I was drunk,” he says.
“I know. It’s okay. I hate seeing you like this,” I whisper and blink away my tears.
He sniffs and clears his throat. “I’m like this because I don’t know how to be without you in my life, Ella,” he says and I bite my bottom lip and nod.
“Then be in my life,” I say and he closes his eyes and exhales.
“I want to. It’s just hard seeing you with him.” He sniffs. “It kills me, Ella.”
Sighing. “I know. I’m so sorry. I honestly don’t want you to hurt like this. Seeing you hurting, hurts me.”
“I just want you to be happy, that’s all I want,” he says.
I grab his hand and hold onto it tightly. “That’s all I want for you too, Chad,” I say honestly because seeing him like this is torture.
“I don’t think we both get to be happy, Ella, that’s not on the cards for us. If it can only be one of us then I pick you,” he says and my body slumps at his kind words. He would give up his own happiness for mine. My eyes begin to water and I tighten my hand in his.
“You’re too good for me, Chad,” I say and he scoffs.
“I think I’m just right for you.”
My chest tightens and I exhale, but don’t say anything because deep down I think he’s just right for me too. So I rest my head on his shoulder and lean on him for comfort. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him kissing the top of my head while I try to hold my tears back.
Dad stands up in the middle of the jet and clears his throat. “Can I have your attention please,” he says and everyone chuckles. Dingo throws a napkin at him. “Okay, so we all know there’s a hidden reason for this trip, and I’m going to announce it now. Kids, Slayed have decided to retire, and we will have one last performance at Wembley. A farewell concert if you will, and then we’re hanging up our aprons,” Dad says.
I sit up from Chad and gasp.
“What? Really?” I ask as my heart races.
Dad is retiring from music?
I don’t know how I feel about that. He’s always been there, at everything I do and now Staked will be out there on their own officially.
What on earth will the world be like without Slayed?
“Have you guys really thought this through?” Caleb asks.
“Yeah, we’re old mate. We’re has-beens. You guys are the ones taking over the reins now. I just want to spend time with my wife, work for some charities and maybe look after my grandkids when they come along,” Dad says watching Annie.
“Dad, give me time, geez,” she says and everyone laughs while I’m sitting here in shock.
“So now you know. One more epic farewell show for Slayed and we’re done. It’s all up to you now kids,” Dad says.
Looking over at Chad, he seems as speechless as I am.
“Okay, so the band’s got to start getting back into the swing of things, right guys?” Caleb says looking down the cabin toward me and Chad.
I nod and so does Chad. Annie and Aston cheer.
“Staked is back, baby,” Annie calls out and everyone laughs.
“Cabin crew prepare for takeoff,” the pilot announces over the speakers and Tamara walks in and looks at Dad.
“You know what to do Colt,” she says and he smiles and winks.
“Always such a bossy little thing, Tam,” he teases as he walks to his seat and buckles up.
The jet engines roar to life and I look at Chad and smile. “Are we okay?”
“Ella, if there’s one thing I do know in this world it’s that I need you in my life. If that means I only get to have you as a friend, then I guess I have to live with that.”
“I’m glad because the thought of being in our band and us not talking like Annie and Aston did. Well, I couldn’t stand that.”
“We’ll always be friends, Ella, I don’t know how not to be,” he says and then we’re quiet as the jet takes off.
Everyone else cheers and claps as we make our way to Hawaii. The journey is long, and I spend the entire time next to Chad. The silence drifted away as we started to chat and we talked for hours and got reacquainted with each other. It was nice to have the old Chad back, even if he looked a little different. We did stop chatting for a sleep halfway through, and I rested on his shoulder and it was the most comfortable place in the world. Being in Chad’s arms feels like the safe place I’m meant to be in, and even though I know I shouldn’t be encouraging him to hold me this way I can’t help it. It just feels right.
After a few hours’ sleep, we’re not too far out from landing. It’ll be 2:00 p.m. in Honolulu which would be 1:00 a.m. in London. So our time clocks will be all over the place. Chad and I are chatting and laughing having a great time talking about the latest episode of Game of Thrones when Dingo and Sia come up and sit down opposite us. Chad and I changed seats a while ago so now, I’m in the window seat and he’s in the aisle. He turns to look at his mum and dad and he smirks.
“What?” he asks and they both smile at us.
“Oh nothing, we thought we’d come down and annoy you because your brothers were annoying us. So we left them up the front with Colt and Lia,” Sia says and I chuckle.
“Well, you were the ones who thought bringing twin twelve-year-olds on the fifteen-hour jet flight was a good idea,” Chad says and Dingo laughs.
“Hey, I wanted to leave them home. But your mum was like ‘they’re twelve they can’t look after themselves’ and I was like, ‘they know how to microwave popcorn and turn on a tap they’ll be fine,’ but hey what do I know?” Dingo asks making me burst out laughing as Chad shakes his head.
Sia slaps Dingo upside the head and he chuckles as she giggles at him. “I just want to say how nice it is to see you two talking again. You don’t know how much it means to me,” Sia says and I smile and look at Chad who frowns slightly.
“I’m just glad that Chad is willing to talk to me again after everything. I know I’ve not been the best person to be around,” I say honestly.
Chad looks at me and shakes his head. “Don’t Ella, none of this is your fault.”
“It’s all my fault, Chad,” I say and he looks into my eyes and it startles me. Looking into his eyes and seeing the love oozing from them is causing every inch of me tingle. My heart starts racing and I break out in a cold sweat.
“I just wish Chad would find a nice girl to settle down with,” Sia says.
Chad’s eyes open wide as he spins around glaring at his mum breaking our moment. “Mum, stop,” he says.
“What? I’m just so happy that you guys are talking again. Chad’s been so miserable without his best friend. It would just be nice to see him with a girl he could rely on. We’re just glad you’re happy, Ella,” Sia says. I smile at her as Chad sinks down in his seat.
“Sia, you’re embarrassing the poor kid,” Dingo says and Sia gasps.
“No, I’m not, am I?” she asks looking horrified.
“Yes, Mum,” Chad replies and I try to hide my giggle.
“And anyway if you want to embarrass him, you should tell Ella about the time you walked in on him singing about her, drunk off his brain, and playing the drum kit with a pair of dildos. Now that…that would embarrass him,” Dingo says.
I smirk looking at Chad while he sinks further into his chair.
“Oh my God, go away,” Chad murmurs making me laugh.
“Or that time when he was making the papier-mâché cut outs of her face and sticking all the love hearts around it and placing next to the pillow on his bed, so he could sleep next to her all night,” Dingo says.
My mouth drops open wide as I grab Chad’s hand and look at him as he sits up in his chair and shakes his head.
“You’re an arsehole, Dad,” Chad says with a slight chuckle.
“I know, don’t forget the blow-up doll he has—”
“Okay really?” I interrupt Dingo and look at Chad wondering if he really is this bad.
Chad looks at me as Sia and Dingo laugh manically. “No Ella, they're being dickheads,” he says and I relax into my seat.
“So no dildos, or papier-mâché faces, or sex dolls?” I say and they all laugh.
“No, but I had you going, didn’t I?” Dingo asks.
I look at him and shake my head with a grin. “Chad’s right, you are an arsehole,” I say as the jet suddenly shakes dramatically. I grab onto Chad and swallow hard as it settles and continues flying normally.
“Just turbulence Ella, you can release me a little bit,” Chad says looking at my hand gripping onto his tightly. I giggle and loosen my grip slightly and shake my head.
“Sorry, I’ve picked up Mum’s nervous flying habits,” I say and he smiles.
The jet shakes again and the lights flicker this time. My breathing hitches as I grip onto Chad as the fasten seatbelt sign comes on.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Dingo chuckles. “It’s all good Ella, just some turbulence,” he says trying to make me feel better as he and Sia buckle themselves into the seats opposite us.
Tamara walks down and grabs our attention. “Excuse me, everyone, the fasten seatbelt sign is now on. Please stay in your seats with your seatbelts fastened. We’re experiencing some difficulties with the landing gear, and it might be a rough landing as we come into Honolulu so please prepare to brace for a bumpy ride. The pilot will do his best, please stay calm and we will be landing shortly,” she says and then walks off.
I look at Chad and quickly do up my seat belt as he does up his. “What the hell does that mean?” I ask and he shrugs as he pulls on my seat belt making it tighter. “I think the landing gear has failed to go down from what I can gather,” he says. I tense up and cuddle into his side.
“Chad, this is bad, isn’t it?” I ask and he shakes his head.
“No, Sichuan pepper, it’s just a formality. We’re going to be fine,” Chad says as I look over to see Mum freaking out and Dad trying to calm her down. I think this situation is more than what Chad’s letting on. The plane starts to shake more, and I look out the window and see we’re getting closer to the ground. I wonder what the hell is going to happen with no landing gear when we reach the ground. My heart is racing so fast as the jet starts to wobble and shake violently. I can’t hold in my scream as the lights flicker and Chad wraps his arm around me as we move into the brace position. The plane bangs and roars as the screeching of the metal hitting the tarmac is becoming so loud it’s deafening. My heart is racing fast and all I can think of is that I’m going to die and I never got to tell Chad that I love him. The fuselage bangs so forcefully on the ground that the air masks fall from the ceiling and the screaming starts all around us while the jet shakes and moves violently. I turn looking at Chad and he turns to look at me, our eyes meet and we stare at each other as the jet roars sounding like it’s breaking apart.
The jet hits the ground forcefully again, and we’re all jolted in our seats. Then it veers to the left suddenly dipping to the side and the wing tears off the side of the plane ripping a massive hole in the fuselage. I scream so loud, but I can’t even hear it compared to the sound of the metal tearing itself apart. The plane is sliding down the runway at massive speed, now with a giant gaping hole in the side as sparks and smoke fly out everywhere. Dingo and Sia’s seats are sitting right by the opening and I look over at them as they grip onto each other. Chad yells out to them and his grip loosens on me.
“Chad, no,” I yell, but he ignores me and goes to unbuckle his belt.
“Look after your brothers,” Dingo yells out and it’s only barely audible over all the noise and air whooshing around as Chad tries to get out of his seat. Dingo shakes his head at Chad and I grip onto his arm tightly. I don’t want Chad to get sucked out, I don’t want to lose him.
Chad is pulling against me. Dingo and Sia look at Chad and my eyes well with tears as I watch them fight against the wind. Suddenly, the jet turns and the wind gushes. Dingo looks at Chad and Chad screams out to his dad, unbuckling his belt and standing up. I grab hold of Chad so tightly so he doesn’t get sucked out. He fights me to get to them as I pull on him to keep him back. My heart is racing hard. I feel sick. I can’t lose Chad, and I know he needs to get to his parents, but I need for him to get through this too, so I fight to hold onto him as much as possible. Chad forces his hands out reaching for them as they look at him and smile.
“I love you,” Sia calls out just as the three rows of chairs break off and are sucked into the burning flames of the jet engine.
Chad and I both scream as he fights harder to get to them, but they’re gone. I cry hard trying to fight against him as debris flies down the aisle and smacks straight into Chad’s arm bending it backward. He screams and stops resisting enough for me to pull him back to the seat. Tamara screams out for us to sit down as she stands up, but the wind gust is too much as she is pulled full force down the middle of the cabin. Her body turning and crashing into the seats as she flies down the aisle. I scream as her broken and battered body flies out of the hole and into the fiery flames.
Chad grabs his arm which is clearly as broken as he is right now. I move into him as he belts himself in, and wraps his good arm around me sheltering me from the debris now flying around the cabin. Chad is murmuring in pain as we both realise that his parents probably won’t survive. Chad embraces me so tightly cradling my head to his chest like he’s sheltering me from the imminent danger. I’m terrified as the cabin shakes violently around us and I hear Chad sobbing. Feeling the warm trickle of tears running down my neck from his sorrow, reminds me that this is not just a terrible dream. Clinging onto him tightly not wanting to let him go in case he too, is sucked out of the gaping hole opposite us and taken from me.
It’s only now that I realise how precious Chad is to me.
I can’t bear the thought of losing him.
In my gut, I always felt something with Danger. Now, I know that in the face of genuine danger, that feeling I had about Chad being right choice for me was right all along. It’s just taken something life-altering for me to realise. I can’t believe I’m living through a plane crash and right now all I can think about is how utterly stupid I’ve been. I look up as I grip onto Chad and he looks completely and utterly distraught. I feel so sorry for him. Looking back, I see Mum cuddled into Dad and him sheltering her as the plane is slowly coming to a stop. I just hope no one else is hurt or taken from us.
With a shudder, the jet finally comes to a stop and Mum is screaming as Dad rushes down to us. He practically lifts Chad from me and takes him into an embrace as I sit here shaking. Chad is limp against Dad as Mum rushes to me and runs her hands all over me as we both cry.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Mum asks and I nod continuing to shake.
“Mum, Dingo, Sia and Tamara…” I trail off as Mum nods and cries rubbing my arms. Annie and Aston run down and look at the gaping hole opposite us and notice Chad’s a wreck. Carter and Carlton rush down calling out for their parents and my stomach lurches as they see Chad. Carter falls to the ground as Carlton bursts into tears the moment he realises what’s going on.
Dad continues to comfort Chad, as Mum walks over to the twins to help them. I stand up moving over to Chad and rub his back. He turns around and lunges himself at me. My heart sinks I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking right now. I hold onto him tightly as the pilot comes down and assesses everyone. Chad’s stopped crying as he grips onto me with his good arm, I feel like his fingers will bruise my arm. I run my hands up and down his back to comfort him. I have no idea if it’s even working. All I know is I have to be here for him now. The loss of your parents is something you don’t just get over.