Danger’s calls are becoming less frequent and I’m sick of not being important to him. I miss him, and I feel like he doesn’t care about me at all when I’m struggling hard trying to be what he needs, but I basically just want Chad. Danger promised he’d come and see me again, but it’s been so long since his first trip out here. It’s been just over a year since he came to see me, so I feel our relationship could very well be over with. Like maybe it isn’t worth fighting for anymore.

To be honest, I doubt he could have gone this long without sleeping with someone else. The photographs of him on social media with the band at after parties and other events are a little risque and I’m not overly happy with what I’m seeing. But he is the lead singer and I know he has to work the audience and his fans. But the way he’s looking at the girls in the photos makes me pretty sure he must be fucking around behind my back. All while I’m trying my hardest to be faithful to him, which is very hard when I’m feeling so connected to Chad, and he’s right here being amazing and so much fun to be around.

Danger’s working so hard that our relationship is suffering, and at the moment I’ve gone three weeks without hearing from him and it’s been three weeks since I last saw Chad. I’m so annoyed. Staked has been performing concerts on and off, not often, but we do have them. Annie is depressed and I’m missing Chad after telling him I needed space. Caleb is a mess now too. Aston is trying to hold it together by putting on a front with Amber, but we all know that’s not actually working and it seems like everyone is falling apart a little right now. I’m going to bite the bullet and call Chad. I know I keep doing this to myself, but I miss him, and avoiding him while Danger is avoiding me is doing my head in. I need someone who’s on my side and that person is always Chad.

I pick up my phone as I sit on the edge of my bed and dial his number. He answers on the second ring.

“Sesame oil is that you?” he answers making me laugh.

“Yeah, it’s me. Hey, sorry it’s been a while,” I say.

“Twenty-three days fourteen hours and nine minutes, but who’s counting?” he teases and I shake my head wondering if that’s actually accurate.

“Wow, that’s concise,” I say and he chuckles.

“Yeah, might’ve been missing you a bit,” he admits honestly making my heart thud a little harder.

“I might have missed you too,” I reply.

“I’m glad you called.”

“Me too, there is a reason, though. I need a friend. Can you be that for me right now?”

He exhales down the line. “Of course Ella, no matter what I’m always your friend. Want me to come over?” he asks and the relief flooding through my veins relaxes me instantly.

“Could you?”

“Sure, I’ll leave now, be there in an hour and a half,” he says and I can hear him moving about.

“Thanks, Chad, I owe you.”

He scoffs and chuckles. “You don’t owe me anything, but you can give me a hug and some coffee when I get there, okay?”

“Sure thing, it’s a deal,” I say and smile.

“Right, see you soon, hot sauce.”

“See you soon,” I say and hang up the phone. I place my hand over my stomach to try and settle the raging butterflies swarming around in there. The thought of seeing Chad after so long apart and after kissing him is nerve wracking. I know there’s chemistry between us, I feel it, and it’s overwhelming, but I have to try and keep it together.

 

***

 

An hour and a half later, almost to the minute, Chad arrives on the manor doorstep. Walking to the front door to let him in, my stomach is turning in on itself. I think I might even be shaking slightly. Opening the door, his smile greets me first and then I see his sparkling green eyes and my insides melt. My knees feel weak looking at his handsome features as he gazes at me with a smirk.

“You gonna let me in?” he asks.

“Yeah, sorry,” I say side stepping letting him pass.

He walks in and toward the kitchen. I follow closely behind and can’t help but glance slyly at his tight arse in his jeans. I smirk at myself as he continues to walk oblivious to my ogling.

“So Ella, tell me all about it. What’s got you in a spin?” he asks as we walk into the kitchen.

I exhale as he walks over to the table and sits down. Sitting down next to him, I place my hands on the table and shake my head.

“Just the usual drama bullshit,” I say and he smirks.

“Danger,” he says with disdain in his low voice.

I nod and he rolls his eyes which makes me wince.

“Sorry, I know you care for him. But Ella, if he keeps pissing you off, don’t you think maybe you should learn from his mistakes?”

“He hasn’t called for three weeks. When he does call, he’s distant and he never wants to have phone sex anymore. I think he’s fucking around, Chad.”

“No offense, but did you honestly think he’d go for a year without having sex? The guy’s a sex crazed lunatic. He’s not going to hold out for you Ella, and you’re crazy if you thought he would. Sorry, but that’s the truth. If you want to be in a long distance relationship with him, you’re going to have to be okay with him sleeping around with other women, ‘cause that’s what’s going to happen, and what I’m sure is happening. I’m not just saying this because of what's going on with us and because I hate the douche, but because I honestly don’t want you thinking he’s better than he is, or that you weren’t worth more than that. You’re worth so much Ella, and he just isn’t capable of showing you how awesome you are,” he says grabbing my hand on the table and stroking the top of it with this thumb. The sensation instantly sends a pulse through my skin.

A lump forms in my throat and my heart is racing so fast I feel sick. I guess deep down I know Chad’s right. I could feel Danger pulling away from me, and I knew he wouldn’t be able to last this long without sex. It was just denial and wishful thinking that made me think he’d be faithful to me.

I’m pissed off and completely annoyed. Chad’s here for me again and Danger doesn’t know what he’s missing out on. Danger is so far away that he doesn’t even know what’s going on. He’s losing me and I’m starting to forget why I’m even with him. And being here with Chad and having him tell me how amazing I am is bringing all my feelings for him to the surface, and for once I don’t feel bad about it.

I change the topic and we talk about how things are going for him, and then to my Dad’s birthday party that’s happening in a couple of days. It’s going to be an enormous event and I’m looking forward to another shindig. I love getting all dressed up and it will be nice to party at home instead of secretly in town without Annie knowing I’m there with her.

Chad stayed for a few hours and we talked and ended up watching a movie cuddling up on the lounge. We didn’t kiss again, and I’m kind of kicking myself for that. If Danger is going to be off gallivanting, then I don’t see why I can’t as well. But I don’t want to rush into anything and end up making a decision I’ll regret. So for now cuddling and taking things as they come is the best option. The last thing I want to do is hurt Chad.

 

***

 

It’s Dad’s party and I’ve just finished getting ready in my flaming pink strapless dress. I walk out of my bedroom and into the hall to see Annie all dressed up and I’m a little shocked.

“Wow Elle’s, you look fabulous,” she says and I can’t help but open my eyes wide as I look at Annie.

“Wow, so do you. This is the most dressed up I’ve seen you in months.” I wrap my arm around her waist and we walk together down the stairs. Along the way, Annie seems a little brighter and I’m glad, it’s nice to see her slightly chipper. Walking outside and to the gazebo, the music is loud and I love the atmosphere already. It’s Dad’s fiftieth and I know tonight is going to be huge. Photographers are taking snaps of Uncle Hux, Macy and Caleb as my skin starts to prickle and Chad walks past us and wolf whistles as he looks up and down my body seductively.

“Shut up, you tool,” I tease as he flicks some of my hair and then continues to jog past me toward Caleb. I bite my bottom lip at his playfulness wishing he would come over and hug me tight and hold me close.

Annie smiles and shakes her head. “He’s in a good mood.”

“It’s a party Annie, everyone’s in a good mood,” I say defensively and grab Annie’s arm and lead her over to the makeshift bar. Annie orders champagne and I have one too even though Dad told us to hold off. Mum saw us drinking, but she let it slide because, well, she’s awesome and Dad’s distracted greeting everyone that’s turning up. I plan on having a good night tonight. Annie starts to glance around the gazebo and I look over and see Anna and Johnny – Aston’s parents walk in.

I bite my bottom lip looking at Annie and notice she seems a little more on edge now. I motion to the waiter for another champagne and she brings it to me. Taking the glass, I subtly hand it to Annie. “Here drink this, it will take the edge off.”

She looks at me and takes the drink and then looks back out at the entrance of the gazebo. Then I tense up while I watch Aston walk in and hanging off his arm is Amber. I gasp and look at Annie hoping she doesn't see what I am, but the look in her eyes tells me she sees it all too well. Her body stiffens and her breathing stops. She takes another sip of her champagne nervously and I wrap my arm around her shoulders to try and ease her discomfort.

Annie’s so tense under me I feel sorry for her as we both watch Aston and Amber move together effortlessly. Amber leans in and kisses Aston and my eyes open wide as my head flicks toward Annie. She won’t handle this well. Annie gasps for air like she’s having trouble breathing and my heart breaks for her. The love of her life is kissing another woman right in front of her. I can’t even imagine how she must be feeling.

Annie clutches at her chest like she’s in physical pain as she moves to put her champagne on the bar, but it misses and falls to the floor smashing the glass and spilling the champagne all over my shoes. I step on the spot trying to get the liquid off my heels while watching Annie at the same time.

“Annie,” I say trying to gain her attention.

“I can’t,” is all she says before she breaks free and runs from the gazebo. I try to reach out to grab her, but she’s lightning fast. I decide not to follow and to give her some time. What she just witnessed would have hurt her deeply. I know if I saw Danger kissing another woman in front of me I’d be devastated, so I really feel for Annie at this moment. I’ll go after her in a little while, but right now I need another drink. I turn toward the makeshift bar and order another champagne. I feel someone watching me when a set of muscular hands snake around my waist and pull me into his side. I look up and Chad is smirking and looking down at my third champagne glass.

“Nervous drinking?” he asks.

“What do I have to be nervous about?” I ask and he leans in kissing my cheek.

“Your man is MIA and I’ve missed you. You look amazing in that pink get up. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or just my hormones, but I can’t stop looking at your arse in that tight as fuck dress,” he whispers and I glare while choking on thin air.

He chuckles and pats my back.

“Chad, friends remember?” I choke out.

He purses his lips and tilts his head. “You make it very hard for me when you look like that, Ella,” he says and his hand runs from my hip down south sliding just over my arse cheek. I should stop him, but I can’t find the strength to. Having his hand on me is sending a shiver down my spine in a very, very good way.

“You shouldn’t be doing this Chad, I’m a taken woman,” I whisper breathlessly as he leans in his lips against my cheek.

“If you’re so taken, then why does your heart race for me every time I come near you? Why do you pant with harsh breaths every time I touch you? Why do you clench your thighs together relieving the ache between your legs every time my lips caress your skin?” he asks quietly and then kisses my cheek. I realise I am squeezing my thighs together just like he said I would when he kisses me.

Shit!

“Chad,” I plead and his hand skims my waist turning me to face him so our eyes connect.

A surge pulses through the air as my breath catches as I look into his eyes, my heart pounds in my chest ferociously, beating so fast I can’t think straight. He pulls me so our bodies are joined together and I feel his erection pressing against my leg.

“I want you Ella, and I know you want me too. It’s only a matter of time. Forget Danger, live in the now. Be with me, choose me,” he says and I swallow hard and shake my head bringing my hands up to his chest and slowly push him back. He bites his bottom lip and huffs flaring his nostrils as he takes a step back. “It’s still him, right?” he asks and I’m caught in his trance as he looks at me full of hope. I’m confused. My heart still belongs to Danger, but everything in me is screaming to be with Chad.

“I…I don’t know. Just let me think. Give me time,” I say and he smiles and nods.

“Time I can give, at least it’s not a no. Just think about it, Ella. You feel this, you feel the energy between us, you can’t deny our chemistry,” he says and I swallow hard and an image of Danger flashes into my mind and suddenly my stomach turns and I need to get out of here. This is all too much.

“I’ll think about it,” I say honestly and turn to walk off, but he grabs my hand pulling me back to him.

“Just something to keep in your mind,” he says and then plants his lips to mine gently. I move to fight him off, but my body reacts differently and my mouth opens and his tongue slides in and he kisses me so passionately it takes my breath away. I collapse into his arms and he holds onto me so tightly encasing his body around mine, that suddenly I feel like I’m safe, like I’m home, like this is the right thing for me. I kiss him back and wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me in every way just relishing in his kiss. It’s so full of passion and want; Danger’s never kissed me this way. This kiss from Chad tells me everything I need to know. Chad has wanted me forever, and right now as I kiss him, he feels like a prince because he’s treating me like a princess and this kiss is worthy of royalty.

I slowly pull back and look into his eyes, the yellow flecks in the bright green are shining so brightly it’s like golden flecks of sunshine radiating from his eyes. Like beams of happiness pouring from him. He’s the king of the world right now, and for the briefest of moments I am his queen. Until Danger pops back into my mind and my stomach flips and I feel like I’m going to be sick. I detach myself from Chad and take a step back as his smile falters.

“I’m sorry,” he says and I lick my lips and shake my head.

“No, it’s okay. I’m the one in the wrong here. Umm…I have to go, though,” I say and he nods taking my hand and squeezing gently letting me know he cares. I take another step back breaking the tension between us and inhale a deep breath turning away from him. I want to say something, I just don’t know what. I hesitate, turning back and he half smiles.

“It’s okay, I know you’re torn. Just remember I thought it was the best kiss ever for me too,” he says and I let out a small laugh and nod, so he knows that’s what I thought without me having to actually say it. He smiles and I turn walking away from him, and with every step my heart thumps a little harder and I feel sicker and sicker. I don’t know if in Danger’s eyes we’re still a couple, but in mine we are, so what I just did with Chad was inexcusable. And I can’t forgive myself for it, and I don’t think Danger will either if he ever calls me back. I’ll have to decide whether or not to tell him about my moments with Chad. But for now I need to put my issues aside and go and find my sister and make sure she’s all right. On my way out I run into Dad.

“Hey Ella, have you seen Annie?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m just going to get her now,” I say and he smiles and pulls me to him for a hug.

“You’re so grown up, I can’t believe how big you are,” he says and I scoff and pull back from him.

“Dad, you never tell a woman how big they are,” I say and he shakes his head.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant you’re a woman now…oh, you know what I mean. You’re all grown up. Where’s my little girl gone?” he asks and I laugh and shake my head.

“I’ll always be your little girl, Dad,” I say and he smiles and leans in kissing my forehead.

“Go get your sister, dinner’s nearly ready,” he says and winks at me then walks away. I head down toward the willow tree because I’m pretty sure that’s where she’ll be. That’s her and Aston’s spot and if I know her like I think I do, she’ll want to be near his memories right now.

Walking down to the tree I see her sitting at the base of the trunk like I thought I would.

“Annie?” I call out.

“Yep,” she answers trying to sound fine, but she more than obviously isn’t.

“Dad’s looking for you…Wait, have you been crying?”

“Doesn’t even matter,” she says standing up and dusting off her arse.

“Annie, it does matter. Is this because of Amber?” I ask even though I know it is.

She nods. “I guess I knew he’d move on eventually. I just didn’t think it would hurt so damn much, you know?”

Even though I’m aware she’s upset, I believe tough love might be needed right now. “Well, I’m sorry you’re upset. I know it must be hard, but Annie you’ve been snogging guys for the last year. Why is it different if Aston kisses someone?”

“I guess even though I was kissing all those guys, every time I did it I was thinking of Aston. Now, I know that when he kisses Amber, he’s only thinking about her.”

I furrow my brows. “If you love him, Annie, why’d you let him go?”

“Because my brain wasn’t functioning normally. I did love him, I think I still do. But I’m all kinds of fucked up and he’s better without a head case like me anyway.”

“You’re not a head case. You’re trying to work things through and I think you’re finally starting to see clearly,” I say taking her hands in mine. “C’mon, let’s get back to the party before Dad sends out a search party for you.”

“Do I look terrible?” she asks.

I smile and wipe the mascara runs from under her eyes. “Barely noticeable,” I say even though she looks miserable.

She half smiles and we start the walk back to the gazebo. When we get inside everyone is sitting down for dinner, so we take our seats and I can’t help but notice Annie staring aimlessly at Aston.

“You okay, Annie?” Dad asks her.

She nods and he looks at me for confirmation, I smile not wanting to ruin his party. He smiles and continues to talk to Mum. The waiters bring our food and it’s delicious. I can’t help but look over at Chad as he keeps making jokes at Aston’s table causing them all to laugh. All the while my stomach is in knots thinking about our kiss and the way Chad’s skin feels against mine. I really want to spend more time with him tonight, but it could be dangerous. I tend to lose all my senses around him. I’m not sure how much longer I can control myself with him.

I find I’m no longer eating and more fiddling with my food while just staring at Chad thinking of all the things I’d like him to be doing to me. I shake my head out of my reverie when I notice Annie stand up abruptly. I look at her as she gasps. I follow her line of sight to see Aston and Amber kissing again, and as Amber and Aston pull apart Aston looks at Annie and they have a moment I’m sure of it. I bite my bottom lip watching it all unfold. I want to reach out and grab Annie’s hand in comfort, but as Aston turns from their gaze to look at Amber, Annie loses it and runs out of the gazebo, yet again. I exhale and look at Aston. He watches Annie rushing out of the gazebo and stands up, but doesn’t leave. He looks back at me and I shrug and stare with pleading eyes trying to tell him to go after her. I can see in his eyes he wants to follow her as Amber pulls on Aston’s arm for him to sit down, but he tugs his arm free and walks out of the gazebo. I smile and take a deep breath hoping like hell that Aston is going after my sister to sort their shit out.

Knowing that Aston and Annie might be on the right track to sorting out their broken relationship has me thinking about my broken relationship. I feel sick to my stomach, and I look over at Chad on the other table, joking and having a good time. I feel terrible and I really want to talk to Danger. I feel like I need to make a grand gesture, so I pull out my phone and send him a text.

 

Me: Danger I know you’re really busy lately, so I thought what if I was to make a trip out there to see you?

 

I hit send and wait for his reply. I’m hoping that by me making an effort to go and see him, perhaps he’ll be more inclined to want to talk to me. I wait and wait and there’s no response. With every passing minute, the butterflies in my stomach become more ferocious and now they’re swarming so fast I feel physically ill. I wish I knew what I could do or say to make him want to talk to me. I wish I knew where I stood, so I knew where I could go with Chad. I’m feeling emotional and my eyes start to well with tears, so I stand from the table excusing myself and walk out of the gazebo and into the house and up to my room. As I close the door the wave of tears flow down my cheeks and I can’t seem to stop the torrent from flowing. I’m so confused. I think I have to let Danger go, even though I really don’t want to. He was my first everything. I think I love him and you can’t just let that go overnight. But right now, at this moment, I believe I’m done. I pull out my phone to send him a text telling him we’re over. I’m just about to hit send when the phone flashes with him calling me. My eyes open wide and I answer the phone now blubbering like a mess.

“Hello?” I say through soft sobs.

“Sugar, are you crying?” he asks and hearing his voice only makes me cry harder. “Oh Ella, I’m sorry, please don’t cry,” he says and I sit on my bed and flop my body back onto it feeling completely overwhelmed.

“I’m sorry, it’s just been so hard you know?” I say and he exhales and is quiet for a moment.

“I’ve been very busy and that’s no excuse, but I’m sorry and I am going to make it up to you,” he says.

“You are?” I ask wiping my cheeks wondering how he could possibly make this better.

“Yeah sugar, I’m coming to the UK and I want to see you, that is if you haven’t given up on me?” he asks.

I sit up straight on my bed and gasp for air. “You’re coming to England?” I repeat to make sure I heard right.

“Yep, and I need to see you. I’ve treated you so bad and I miss you,” he says and I start to cry again.

“I was about to give up on you, Danger. I was sending you a text telling you we’re over,” I say and he exhales and is quiet.

“Are we over?” he asks and I shake my head.

“Not if you don’t want us to be. I still want to be with you, I just didn’t think you wanted me anymore,” I say through my tears.

“No Ella, I swear, I still want you. Every part of me craves you. I miss you, so God damned much it hurts sometimes,” he says and I chew on the inside of my cheek.

“You promise?” I ask and he chuckles.

“Yeah baby, I promise. If you’ll still have me I’ll be better, I’ll call more. I’ll be better for you Ella, you deserve that,” he says and I nod and wipe my cheeks.

I want to tell him about Chad, about how my guilt is eating me up right now, but I figure if I tell him about my indiscretions then he’ll tell me about his, and that’s something I don’t want to know.

We talk for a long time catching up on everything we’ve missed. I feel better about us and Danger says he’ll let me know when he’s in London and when I can come and see him. He will be here for work so he won’t be here for long, but he’s made it very clear that he needs to see me, and that need to see him right now is very obvious to me as well.