Over the last two weeks, I’ve been going out and keeping an eye on Annie each night. She’s happy and is getting wasted most nights. I haven’t actually talked to Chad since the night I saw him out with Aston. I don’t know what he remembers and I don’t want to embarrass him if he remembers nothing. So I haven’t messaged him and he hasn’t messaged me.

Tonight is no different for me and Annie, we’re both sneaking out at the same time. Annie knows I go out too, she just doesn’t know it’s to follow her. I don’t know what she’d think if she knew. She’d probably hate me for it, but I don’t care I like knowing she’s safe with me there. I’d hate to think of what might happen if I didn’t go.

We sneak out and grab separate taxis and drive to the same venue. The Oxfordshire pub like always. It’s a small place and that’s why I think Annie likes it here, no one recognises us, and if they do they don’t make a fuss. Walking into the pub behind Annie, but keeping my distance so she doesn’t see, I make my way to the back of the bar to stand. She makes her way to the bar and buys the usual beer, then makes her way to the dance floor. I decide not to spend tonight alone just watching Annie, so I figure I’ll see if Chad is doing okay. Pulling out my phone, I message him.

 

Me: Hey, wanna come to the Oxfordshire pub to help me spy on Annie? But come sober this time, yeah?

 

I hit send and giggle to myself. Waiting patiently, I tap my foot along to the music blaring from the speakers as the bass reverbs through my body. My phone vibrates in my hand and I swipe the screen to read the message.

 

Chad: I am actually just leaving Aston’s, so I’ll be there in ten. Sober this time. I promise ;)

 

Smiling, I place my phone in my bag and walk over to a booth and sit down waiting for Chad to show up. I look over at Annie and notice her drink is half empty already and her night of annihilation has begun. Shaking my head, I continue to watch her as some guy comes up to her and starts dancing next to her. She necks back her drink, then snogs him wrapping her arms around his neck. I exhale and tutt, rolling my eyes at her. Chad suddenly appears in my view blocking my vision of Annie’s pash fest with random number two hundred and forty-seven since she started this sneaking out to pubs thing. I look up at him and he smirks as I remember drunken Chad from the last time we were here. He slides in next to me and I can’t help but smirk as he sits down and looks right at me.

“Okay, first things first. I’m sorry about my drunken behaviour last time we were here,” he says and I giggle.

“So you remember then?” I ask and he winces.

“Pieces, just fragments of me being a little too friendly with you.”

“It’s fine, water under the bridge as they say. Plus, you’re kinda funny when you’re drunk,” I say and he scoffs.

“So, I’m not funny normally?”

“Um, no, not really,” I tease and he feigns shock as I grip his bicep and squeeze.

“I’m kidding. Drink?”

“Yeah, love one.” He slides out of the booth and puts his hand out to help me up. I take it and slide out too, and he doesn’t let my hand go as we walk up to the bar hand-in-hand. The warmth from his skin is radiating through me and the spark emanating from his touch is driving me crazy. We order our drinks and stand at the bar watching Annie as she snogs on with the random guy. Chad is laughing when a Staked song comes on over the speakers and I look at him and open my eyes wide.

“Oh my God,” I say as I hear a cheer from the dance floor.

I look down to see Annie dancing and cheering loudly making a fuss and I laugh as Chad takes my hand and pulls me along with him to the edge of the dance floor. I shake my head as he pulls me close to him.

“Just one dance, it’s our music after all. If we can’t dance to that then there’s something wrong,” Chad says.

I exhale and wrap my arms around his neck and look around the room at everyone dancing and rocking it out to our song. Looking back at Chad, he’s gazing at me like I’m his favourite thing in the world. And I have to admit, I love that look. Moving along with Chad’s body as he grinds his against mine, I can’t help but feel like this is how I’m meant to be living my life. In the arms of someone who wants me in them. I run my fingers through the back of his hair as his hands splay out on my hips. He’s smiling so brightly it’s making my insides melt and I honestly can’t remember a time I felt happier than this. I’m having a great time, and knowing everyone here is loving our music as much as we love it, only makes this moment more special. The song is coming to an end and I move in closer to Chad bringing our bodies together. He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me close to him and the song changes. We were only going to dance to our song, so I go to pull away, but he holds me tighter.

“Let’s keep dancing,” he whispers in my ear and I look up at him and nod. The intense stare that he’s giving me is melting my heart. The sparks shooting out from us could set this club on fire. My heart is racing fast and my breaths are short and sharp, it’s like looking at him is literally taking my breath away. I can’t help but get lost in his gaze as he looks at me with his bright green eyes that are so luminous right now they’re lighting up the entire room with their brilliance. Everything fades away, and all I can see is Chad looking at me like he wants to kiss me, and right now that’s all I want him to do. He brings his hand up to caress my cheek and I nuzzle into his hand needing to feel him in any way I can. His intense gaze softens and as his lips part I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to bite on his bottom lip.

“Ella,” he whispers and I inch closer to him licking my lips.

He leans in and we’re inches apart, the chemistry is scorching between us and I know he’s feeling this as much as I am. He takes in a sharp breath and then his eyes divert from mine breaking the intense contact as he pulls back slowly. Swallowing hard, I furrow my brows wondering why he’s just pulled away like that. I thought he wanted me more than anything.

“We’re friends, Ella. You’re still with Danger, right?” he asks breaking the awkward silence and I take a deep breath and nod once. “Then I can’t kiss you right now. I had an excuse while I was drunk, but being sober I just can’t do it and expect for you to not hate me for it,” he says and looks back at me. “But I still want to hold you and dance with you tonight if you’ll let me?” he asks. Even though I feel a little shattered that he didn’t want to kiss me, I understand his reasoning and to be honest, he’s probably right.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” I say. He pulls me back to him and starts to dance with me again smiling brightly. Even through the tension that was there moments ago, with one bright smile he’s put me back at ease. I dance along with him and try to forget about kissing him even though everything inside of me wants that right now.

We dance for hours, laughing and joking and holding each other almost forgetting about Annie in the process. I casually glance over to see her stumbling out of the pub with a man, and I open my eyes wide and force Chad to look over. We separate and rush outside to see her getting into a taxi, luckily alone. I take a deep breath and let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank God for that,” I say as Chad walks across and rests his hand on my back comforting me.

“It’s okay, I made sure she was alone in the taxi,” he says and I nod as he takes my hand and starts the walk with me to the car park. “Let me take you home,” he says and I nod and walk with him to his car.

“Thank you for taking me home, but it’s too late to drive back to London tonight. You should stay over,” I say and his eyes light up. “As in the guest room,” I specify and he smiles with a chuckle.

“Yeah, no, I knew that’s what you meant Ella. But yes, that would be great if I could crash at your place.” I nod as he presses the button to unlock his car and then he opens the door for me.

“M’lady,” he says and I giggle.

“Such a gentleman.”

“Nah, not me,” he defends and walks around to his side as I slide in and shut my door.

Looking across at him he smiles as he starts the car. “Thanks for tonight, I’m glad you came,” I admit and he smiles.

“I’m glad I came too,” he says and picks up my hand and kisses the back of it tenderly sending a wave of warmth down my arm.

He starts the drive back to the manor and when we pull up we sneak into the house and walk up the stairs. Mum and Dad are asleep and I’m hoping Annie is too. Continuing to my room with Chad following closely behind, he smiles as he pulls me in for a hug.

“Goodnight, Tewkesbury mustard,” he says and I suppress a laugh.

“You idiot, goodnight. Thanks for being awesome sauce,” I say and he pulls back and kisses my forehead.

“Anything for you, Ella,” he says kissing my forehead again and then pulling back and walking down the hall to the guest room. I take a deep breath and shake my head slightly and walk into my bedroom. Closing the door, I walk over to my bed and sit down on it placing my head in my hands and running my hands through my hair. What an intense night! I have no idea how I should be feeling right now, all I know is that everything in me is fighting against the urge to go down to the guest room and spend the night with Chad.

That would be bad.

That would be very bad.

So why does it feel so right?

I stand up and get changed into my pyjamas then walk down the hall to the bathroom. On the way back, I pause outside of Chad’s guest room for a long while debating what to do. But in the end sanity rings clear and I go back to my bedroom and try to go to sleep.

 

***

 

Danger called tonight just as I was getting ready to go out to follow Annie. Chad is coming with me again, he’s been accompanying me a lot more lately and we’ve been having a great time together watching Annie annihilate herself. Talking to Danger was strained. It was the first time he’s called in over a week and we only spoke for ten minutes if that. He seems distant and like he’s only calling out of obligation. My heart still beats faster when I talk to him and I still get butterflies seeing his name light up my screen when he calls, so I know I still care for him. I just wish he would make more of an effort with me. I wish I didn’t feel like he was giving up. Because I don’t want to, he holds a special place in my heart and I can’t let go of him. Not yet, maybe not ever.

I hear Annie sneaking out, so I grab my clutch and slip into my heels and walk out of my room to see her sneaking down the stairs. I follow behind and make my way out of the house. She walks to the gate to the waiting taxi. Walking out of the gates after the taxi leaves, I stand by the pillar and wait for my ride. I look back at the manor and up to where Mum and Dad’s bedroom is, wondering briefly if they’ve figured out that we both sneak out at night or not. Chad’s car pulls up and the door swings open, I slide in and close the door turning to Chad, and he smiles so bright it melts my heart.

“Ready for another dance-a-thon tonight, lime pickle?” he asks making me laugh.

“Sure am,” I say and he winks and takes off down the road toward the Oxfordshire pub. The car ride is jovial as he tells me about how his dad was teasing his brothers before he drove down from London tonight. Chad’s family are always entertaining and keeping each other occupied with their shenanigans. They’re a fun bunch of people and I’m so glad to know them and to be best friends with Chad, he really is amazing. Looking at him as he laughs while he describes the misfortune of his brothers, the way his mouth lifts in that way making his eyes sparkle as he laughs, literally makes him look ridiculously handsome. My breath catches slightly as I gaze at him as he talks entirely unaware of my ogling. He pulls the car up and turns to look at me raising an eyebrow forcing me to snap out of my Chad coma.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks smirking as I wipe the imaginary drool from my chin.

“What? No, nothing. Are we here?” I ask dropping my gaze from him and looking around the pub carpark.

He chuckles and gets out of the car. “You’re weird, Ella,” he mumbles as he steps out and shuts the door behind him.

Taking a deep breath, I gather myself and shake my head. Get a grip, girl!

I open the door just as Chad arrives at my door, he places his hand out and I smile and take it sliding out of the car and standing up.

“Let’s go find Annie and then get a drink, I’m parched,” Chad says and grips my hand tighter dragging me along with him.

My heels click on the pavement as the bass line is thumping already and is clearly audible from the street. Walking up to the front door we’re ushered in and I look around the dance floor for Annie spotting her instantly hanging off some guy.

“There she is,” I yell in Chad’s ear.

He turns looking and nods then pulls me over to the bar. He orders us both a drink and we move to the booth at the back and sit down in view of Annie beginning our watch.

“Do you think she’ll ever get sick of snogging random dickhead?” I ask Chad and he chuckles.

“I don’t know, do you ever really get over your first true love?” he asks and my stomach sinks slightly as I think of Danger and what he might be doing right now. “Hey, why the long face?” He reaches across grabbing my chin in his fingers and pulling me up to look at him.

“No, I’m okay, it’s nothing,” I say and he drops his hand from my chin and winces.

“Don’t think about him tonight, okay? Just have fun with me instead.”

“Okay, deal,” I say putting out my hand for him to shake.

He chuckles and shakes my hand once and then stands up from the booth pulling me with him.

“Let’s dance, raita,” he demands and I laugh hard.

“Now I’m an Indian dipping sauce?” I ask.

“Or I could drop it on you and lick it off, either way,” he teases.

“Chad!” I try to suppress my laugh as he chuckles to himself.

“C’mon,” he says pulling me before I have time to stop him. Dragging me to the edge of the dance floor, far enough away from Annie so she won’t see us, I wrap my arms around his neck and run my fingers into the nape of his hair. His arms wrap around my waist pulling our bodies so close together that every inch of us is touching. Smirking, I look into his eyes as I’m only millimeters away from him and he smiles back as a very sultry and sexy song comes on.

He starts to grind into me dancing sexily and I blush slightly at the contact he’s making. I can feel his every muscle against me and to be honest, I love every second of it. His forehead moves in to rest against mine and our eyes lock together like magnetism is pulling us to each other. His bright green eyes are staring intensely into mine as our bodies sway to the music and my breathing hitches. My heart is beating faster than I thought possible and my hands are starting to sweat. An electrical tingle is buzzing all over my skin causing my nerve endings to pulse. I feel alive staring at Chad and every part of me wants this moment to last forever. He makes all the wrongs in the world seem right, all the darkness bright, and right now as my breathing is rushed and fast my lips part as my eyes drop to gaze at his supple pink lips.

Swallowing hard I can’t help but think about what it would be like to kiss him again, to feel his lips against mine kissing me so hard that my lips are tender and sore from our passion. I bite my bottom lip as he grinds into me and the sparks shoot off between us are flashing something inside of me. Chad’s making everything inside of me awaken at his touch. Every inch of me is attuned to him and as we dance to the rhythmic music while his hands caress my body making me feel the warmth of his touch.

Looking at Chad’s lips he licks them slightly and parts them infinitesimally. He leans his head closer to mine and my breath catches. There’s something happening between us. A moment, right here right now, and I’m utterly powerless to fight against him. My thoughts quickly turn to Danger as Chad leans in and presses his lips to mine forcefully. His hand comes up to the back of my head and pulls me to him. Our lips connect and I can’t stop the kiss. It was inevitable, and I can’t pull away even if I wanted to. My lips part and his tongue slides in. It dances with mine effortlessly and gracefully like it’s a dance we’ve done many times over. The kiss is passionate and my body draws closer to his, needing to touch him in every way. My arms tighten around his neck and pull him to me. I can’t stop this now, even though I so desperately want to. His body melds with mine and we kiss so strongly that my knees literally feel weak. Luckily he’s holding me because I’m sure I would have fallen over if he weren’t.

His tongue massages mine as he gently bites my bottom lip making me moan into his mouth, there’s something about this kiss that’s so different from the kisses I’m used to with Danger. This is filled with something more, I’m not sure what that is, there’s more emotion or something. I can’t put my finger on it, but as Chad kisses me I begin to think of Danger and how technically I’m still with him and right now I’m cheating on him.

I pull back from Chad and he looks at me with a dazed and lustful look in his eyes as his eyes sparkle with intensity. I feel guilty for betraying Danger like that and I shouldn’t have gotten swept up in the moment. Swallowing hard, I take a step back from Chad, unwrapping my hands from around his neck. His smile falters and he frowns looking at me like he knows I’m regretting the kiss.

He closes his eyes and rubs the back of his neck. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he says taking a step back.

The space between us feels like an arctic breeze washing over me, making me break out in a cold sweat.

“We’re supposed to be friends, Chad. I’m with Danger that hasn’t changed,” I say and he exhales and looks away flaring his nostrils.

“I know…I’m sorry. It just felt…right, you know? The moment. You were in it too, Ella. You had to have felt that just then. I mean you kissed me back,” he says looking at me furrowing his brows and pleading with his eyes for me to agree with him.

“Chad, it doesn’t matter. I’m taken. This…” I point between us, “…this can’t keep happening. I can’t be near you right now,” I say feeling angrier at myself than him. I turn to leave and he grabs my hand turning me to face him.

“Let me at least drive you home,” he says and I shake my head.

“No, can you stay and watch Annie, I need space to think,” I say and he winces and nods letting my arm go.

With a racing heart and a churning stomach, I look back at Annie, who’s wrapped around some stranger. I shake my head and walk out of the pub and to a waiting taxi to go home and wallow in the fact that I’ve monumentally screwed up.