Last night, I went back to the hotel by myself, without Danger, and cried myself to sleep feeling completely heartbroken. I dreamt of a childhood filled with fun and laughter, of me and Chad running through the backyard of the manor and growing up through the years together. Of him always being there for me and never letting me down. Ever.

I wake the next morning with a throbbing head feeling like I’m hungover, even though I only had one drink last night. I’m completely spent, and I’m not looking forward to seeing Danger today. I’m going to make sure to avoid him from now on. He broke my heart last night, so I don’t want to make any time for him now seeing as he won’t even try for us. I don’t see what the point is in even speaking to him, so avoidance is my plan.

We all arrive at the arena for tonight’s concert, and Danger walks up to me at the side of the stage. I shake my head and he stops.

“Ella, we should talk.”

“There’s absolutely nothing to talk about,” I say and walk off in the other direction.

He doesn’t follow and I’m glad he doesn’t, because I really don’t want to start a scene here in front of everyone. I walk down to the Staked green room and feel the emotion of seeing Danger beginning to wear me down. With each step I take, the thud of my heart pounds a little harder, and the tears start to well behind my eyes. I walk into the green room and Chad is sitting on the lounge playing with his phone. He looks up at me as I wipe a falling tear from my cheek. He stands up and rushes over as I walk in.

“Ella, what’s wrong?” he asks and wraps me in his arms encasing me in his warmth and strength, and finally I feel like I’m wanted and safe. I can’t hold back my tears anymore, so I let them flow freely as I cling onto Chad’s shirt and cry into his chest. “Ella, please talk to me?” he asks, leading me over to the lounge suite and sitting us down making sure to keep hold of me the entire time. I cuddle into his side as he holds onto me, gently stroking my arm and trying to calm me.

“Danger doesn’t want to continue things after the tour. He thinks it’ll be too hard, he doesn’t even want to give it a shot. He just doesn’t want me, Chad. I feel like such a fool.”

“Oh Ella, I had a feeling this would happen. You’re way too good for him and he knows it. He took advantage of your good nature and took what he could from you while he could take it. Ella, you need to forget about him. The tour will be over soon, you won’t have to see him again and, to be honest, I for one will be glad to see the arse end of Danger from Recoil.”

Even though Chad is only trying to make me feel better, it only makes my chest constrict tighter at the thought of not seeing Danger again. Never seeing him again makes me feel physically sick, and the possibility of that happening in two weeks is looking more and more real. But if he doesn’t want me there’s little I can do about it.

“I can’t believe I let myself get in so deep, Chad,” I say clinging to his vest and crying into his chest. My stomach is flipping as I sob so hard, it breaks my heart all over again.

He exhales and comforts me, just being the support I need right now. “I could fucking kill him for this,” Chad murmurs barely audible. I don’t have the strength to say anything in return. I’m too broken.

 

***

 

It’s been a week since Danger told me we wouldn’t be continuing our relationship after the tour. There’s one week to go and I’ve been purposely avoiding him, there’s no point in being with him in any way unless we’re going to be continuing this after the tour. So I’ve been making sure to steer clear of him. It’s been hard and I’m completely miserable, but I’m just going through the motions.

I’m waiting at the side of the stage to go on. Recoil have just finished their set and we’re up next. I’m in my own world when Danger grabs my arm pulling me to the side away from everyone. I glare at him, as a surge runs right through me at his hands on me. He’s looking at me like he’s completely lost, and the tension in the air is thick as he pulls our bodies close making my breathing hitch and my heart rate spike.

“I don’t want it to be like this, Ella. I need to be able to kiss you, like right now,” he says and then his lips crash to mine. I’m powerless against him. I need to be up on that stage right now, but my hands betray me and find their way to his arms and run up his bulging biceps and into his damp hair holding his head to mine. I kiss him back and right now I don’t care about the concert I’m meant to be playing, or the fans waiting to hear me play. I just care about Danger kissing me like there’s no tomorrow. He slowly pulls back and looks into my eyes.

“We can continue this after, right?” he asks and I nod breathlessly. “Good, now go and rock out. After, I want you in my hotel room, naked, and bent over my bed. I need your sweet pussy again. I’m aching for you, sugar,” he says leaning in biting my bottom lip and just like that I’m putty in his hands again. “Ella, you have to go.” He looks toward the stage.

I snap out of it and nod taking in some much-needed oxygen and race to the stage with my panties now soaking wet and an appetite for Danger that only he can quench.

 

***

 

I was so wrapped up in Danger again when he took me back to his hotel room that we fell back into old habits, and I didn’t stop to think what it meant. We’ve been back together for five days and have been practically inseparable. But now, there are only two days left before the tour ends and I need to ensure that we’re continuing this thing. Because right now, that’s the vibe I’m getting from Danger. That’s why he started this back up again, right? Because I don’t see why you’d start our thing again, without the assumption that there was going to be more after? I roll over in the bed and run my finger down the patterns on Danger’s chest. He slowly stirs and I smile wide as his eyes flick open and his dark blue eyes drink me in.

“Hey, sugar, sorry, I must’ve drifted off after that amazing session.”

“Yeah, well, it was pretty good going four rounds in one night,” I reply.

He chuckles and brings his hand to the back of my head and forces me down to kiss him. I pull back and look at him and smirk.

“So, when you go back to America, how often do you think we should Skype? And how often do you think we can fly out to see each other?”

He furrows his brows like he’s confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, if we’re carrying on this relationship after the tour, we’re going to need to work out a schedule, like when we can visit each other and stuff?”

He exhales and closes his eyes swallowing hard. I sit up in the bed not liking the way he’s reacting to this.

“Danger?”

He opens his eyes and sits up next to me taking my hands in his. “Sugar, we’ve been all through this. I thought you understood?”

“What? But you came back and made this week all about being with me. I thought that meant—”

“That we could be together?” I nod and he huffs. “Ella, it’s too hard, we’re in different countries. It can’t…I don’t see how it can work,” he says, and this time instead of heartbreak I feel undeniable anger.

“You mean to tell me that all this week you’ve led me to believe that I was expecting more from you and now I’m getting nothing? You used me just to get a little more from me before I end up with nothing?” I say pulling my hands away from his.

He opens his mouth to talk, but stops himself and then looks down at the bed. “I didn’t use you, Ella. I had no idea that you thought this meant that it would lead to more. I’m sorry you thought that—”

“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry?”

I get out of the bed and walk over to my clothes, putting them on angrily.

“Ella, c’mon don’t leave angry like this.”

I turn and glare at him. “How the fuck am I supposed to leave then? Oh, okay, no worries Danger, have a nice fucking life? It was nice screwing you for six months, happy to never see you again? I gave you my virginity, my soul, and my heart, but no problem, see ya!” I yell and he winces and rubs the back of his neck standing from the bed and walking over to me. I pull my jeans up and do up the button and grab my shoes.

“Ella, please don’t leave like this. I’m sorry. I want this to work, I just don’t see how it can,” he says and I shake my head and let out a small maniacal laugh.

“No Danger, if you wanted it to work you’d fight for it. I don’t mean anything to you, I probably never did. I was just some conquest to you. A let’s see if I can bed the great Colter-fucking-Slade’s daughter, right? Well, congratulations to you. You won! And I’m the fucking fool who let you use and abuse her. It was nice knowing you, arsehole,” I say and turn to walk out.

“Ella!” he grabs my arm and pulls me back to face him. I struggle in his grip and he grabs both my arms steadying me, trying to stop me from moving and then he leans in pressing his lips to mine. I’m shocked to the spot. The tingle and spark shooting through me is enough to stop me from moving. I stop struggling and let him kiss me.

This is the goodbye we need.

He kisses and tries to have me to open my mouth, but I don’t let him. He slowly pulls back and gently releases my arms from his grip. I shake my head and bring my hand up slapping him across his face.

“Don’t you dare touch me again!”

I turn quickly and walk out of his hotel room. He doesn’t follow, and my heart constricts so fiercely I want to be sick. I feel like I want to throw something or punch something…anything, to let out this pent up frustration. So I turn and kick the wall hard, and then scream because I don’t have any shoes on and the pain in my toes is excruciating. I hop on the spot as the door closest to where I kicked the wall opens and Chad peers out.

“What the…Shit, Ella, are you okay?” Chad asks. I turn looking at him and then I can’t stop the tears from falling. I start to sob, so he races forward grabbing and holding me to him.

“Shit, what the fuck’s happened?” he asks bending down to check my toes.

“Danger is a fucking arsehole, that’s what!”

Chad exhales and rubs my foot. “Ella, what the hell happened?”

“You know how we’ve been back on again this week?” I ask and Chad nods. “Well, I assumed that meant he wanted to try and keep this going after the tour, but apparently I’m completely out of my fucking brain. I mean, I was never in my right mind to be with him in the first place, was I?” I yell, becoming so angry I feel lightheaded. Chad stands up crossing his arms over his chest and looking at me furrowing his brows.

“So, he doesn’t want to continue things after the tour?”

“Nope, he was just using me this week for sex, and to get whatever sick satisfaction he wanted out of me before the tour ended. And the worst part is, deep down I think I knew. But I didn’t care, because part of me held out hope that he wanted to be with me. How sick and fucking twisted is that?” I yell and throw my hands in the air and start to pace the hotel hall.

Chad is quiet and he’s looking at the floor like he’s thinking really hard.

“Chad?”

He rubs his hand over his mouth and then looks at me, and I see the lust in his eyes. Chad stalks to me and with every step he takes my heart begin to thud a little faster. The way he’s looking at me like he wants to throw me against the wall and devour me is sending a wave of delight up my spine. When he finally reaches me, he forcefully grabs either side of my face with his hands and looks me in the eyes. His bright green, intense eyes are staring into mine and the warmth from his hands is making me flame red hot. I swallow hard as I’m forced to look at him.

“If Danger can’t see what’s right in front of him, then he doesn’t deserve you,” he says and then he leans down and presses his lips to mine. I open my eyes wide as a spark jolts through my entire body. This jolt of electricity flows through me unexpectedly, and it shocks me to my core. He coaxes my mouth to open with his tongue, and I slowly open my mouth and let his tongue dance with mine. I relax into the kiss and slowly close my eyes just relishing in this new sensation. Chad is kissing me, and every atom in me is feeling alive. The butterflies in my stomach are fluttering in a flurry of excitement, and my mind is in a dizzy fog. My heart is beating so fast, I can’t think properly.

Chad is kissing me.

And it feels utterly wonderful.

My hands that are hanging lazily by my sides slowly make their way up his arms to rest on his strong biceps. I’m starting to shake, as the intensity of the kiss is overwhelming me. Chad slowly pulls back ending the most passionate kiss I’ve ever experienced, and then he rests his forehead against mine. We both breathe rapidly trying to calm the nervous tension in the air. He takes a step back breaking the connection and I swallow hard watching him disconnect from me. He looks down to the ground, and even though every inch of me is shaking I feel completely alive right now, something is off.

Chad looks at me and frowns. “Ella, don’t come to me anymore about your problems with Danger, okay? I’m sick of being the third wheel in your relationship, and you need to think about who you really want,” he says.

I swallow hard. I’m quite shocked at what he’s saying considering he just kissed me for the first time like that. I’m so confused. I’m unsure of what that kiss meant? I thought I was completely all about Danger but now having kissed Chad, I’m feeling a flurry of emotions that I never thought possible. I knew I felt things around Chad, but I was never sure of what those feelings were, and now I’m wondering if it is actually because I might like him too. I’m so confused, and there’s only one day left of the tour and everything is so up in the air.

Chad leans in caressing my cheek and I lean into it enjoying his touch. Everything in my head is telling me to move away, but my body is telling me to stay where I am.

Suddenly Danger appears out of nowhere and walks up to Chad pushing him away from me.

“Get the fuck away from her!” Danger yells.

Chad rights himself and flies at Danger, pushing him back shoving him hard against the wall. “She doesn’t belong to you. You don’t even want her, which is crazy because she’s everything.”

“I knew it, I knew you liked her!” Danger says stepping into Chad’s face.

I tense up as the tension reaches a critical level.

“Stop it! Both of you!” I call out. They both look at me and then back at each other.

“Stay the hell away from her or I’ll break your jaw,” Danger threatens Chad grabbing his collar and fisting it tight. I gasp and bring my hand to my mouth in shock.

“I will, but only for one more day. Then when you let her go because you don’t want her after the tour, I’ll make my move,” Chad says keeping his cool.

“Stop it!” I say and move in to step between them as Chad pushes Danger off him again. Danger glares at him and grabs my hand forcefully.

“Ella, do you want him?” he asks me looking straight at Chad, who falters and looks down at me.

I swallow hard as I look up at Danger. Wondering why the hell would he ask me that? And how the hell I’m going to answer that without hurting someone. But more importantly, what the hell is the right answer?

“I…”

“It’s a simple yes or no, Ella. Do. You. Want. Him? Or me?” he asks.

Chad looks at me pleading with his eyes while Danger continues to stare down Chad.

My eyes fill with tears as I stare at Chad, I can see his chest rising and falling fast and I think he already knows what I’m going to say before I do. It feels entirely wrong, but I say it anyway.

“You…I chose you,” I say and Danger smiles.

“See kid, she wants a real man.”

A tear falls down my cheek as Chad swallows hard and shakes his head looking down at the floor. Danger grabs my hand and starts to drag me down the hall with him. I can’t control my emotions. I don’t know whether it’s from embarrassment, sadness, or denial, but either way, I feel gutted right now and I have no idea how to deal with this. Danger continues to drag me forcefully inside of his room, and then thrusts me up against the wall pinning me to it. I gasp at his forcefulness and then look into his eyes and see they’re watering. It knocks me back into this reality, the reality of Danger. He’s breathing heavily and he sounds like he’s about to break down.

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” he says and then presses his lips to mine, the pressure he is applying is undeniably forceful.

I don’t know what he’s referring to, but I sense the pleading in his kiss, so I kiss him back even though I’m confused out of my mind. He pulls back from me and looks me in the eyes and then pulls me into a tight embrace.

“I’m so sorry,” he says. “I probably embarrassed you out there, but my ego got in the way. I know he’s your friend. I know you care about him, but Ella, I don’t want him touching you.”

“But what’s the issue, when you’re leaving tomorrow and I might never see you again? You don’t want to do this whole long distance thing, you’ve been very clear about that,” I say and he looks down to the ground and sniffs.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Ella. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone. That scares me. I don’t know how to do this,” he says.

I exhale and pull back from him. “Then don’t run away. Try, just try and make this work,” I beg.

“Okay,” he says softly and I look into his eyes and they’re still brimming with unshed tears and I can tell he really is trying.

“Really?”

“For you, I will try.”

I smile and lean in kissing him passionately, feeling all the emotion of the past six months come flooding over me.

Danger wants to try.

He wants to try a relationship with me.

And for the first time, I see a glimmer of light for us. He wants me like I want him, and my broken heart is slowly starting to meld itself back together. Danger is putting me back together with five simple words.

For you, I will try.