Indi

 

It’s been five long, horrible weeks since I met Sasha at the funfair with Caleb. I was having such a great time, and then bam she had to come and ruin everything. But then again, really it’s Caleb who ruined everything by sleeping with her that night. Sure, we weren’t officially together so he didn’t actually cheat on me or anything, but still the fact is he slept with another woman hours after he was going to sleep with me. No matter what the excuse, that doesn’t sit well with me. And then Sasha said that they had been sleeping together behind my back. Caleb said they weren’t, and I didn’t look in his eyes, so I can’t be sure if he was telling the truth or not. But for her to say it makes me question it anyway. If he were then he’s not the man I thought he was, and I’m all the better off for not being with him.

Then why does it feel like a piece, no more like my entire heart is missing? God, I miss him so much, and everything in me wants to answer his calls when he rings every day, but I can’t bring myself to answer them. It hurts too much. He broke me, beyond repair this time. I can’t think of anything that would make me want to see him again. Even though everything in me wants to see him so badly, I can’t stand it. I’m being pulled in two directions every second of every day. I love him, I miss him, but the pain I felt when Sasha announced what she did, forced a dagger to stab so deeply into my heart that I don’t think anything can repair the damage. Caleb slept with another woman after he told me he loved me. I just don’t know that I can forgive him. He may have an explanation for it, but I don’t want to hear it. I can’t, not yet anyway. Maybe with time. Maybe. But not yet.

Living with Kenzi has been challenging but good. She’s there for me on my weak days and reminds me why I’m taking this stance. Why I can’t go back home, and why I can’t answer his calls. He sold our story, my story, to the press. That plus, the whole Sasha thing is something I didn’t ever see coming from him. Which only makes me believe that I don’t know the real Caleb at all.

I’m stuck at work and it’s a slow night. There haven't been many emergencies so the staff are joking around and trying to keep the minimal patients we do have, in an upbeat and cheery mood.

The alarm for an emergency sounds. I rush along with Kenzi to the emergency doors waiting for our next patient to arrive via the paramedics. I see them wheeling the patient toward us. He sounds like he’s in a lot of pain, and I can’t quite see him due to all the people in the way. But something in the air sets all the hairs on my body standing to attention.

“Male, early twenties. Single vehicle collision with a tree. Possibly intoxicated. Blood pressure low. Complaining of severe pain on left side. Possible concussion from a head wound, and minor abrasions from debris which invaded the body on impact,” the paramedic lists as the patient lets out a blood-curdling groan as they wheel him into the emergency room. Everyone is in the way, and I can’t quite see who he is, but in my heart I know something about this patient is off. Kenzi moves in to assess him, and her eyes open wide. She gasps and then looks back at me frowning.

Something in me suddenly clicks, and I step into motion and rush forward as the paramedics move to the side to begin handover. He moans again, and I know for sure. My heart pounds ferociously as I move to the side of the gurney I see a semi-conscious Caleb, with a laceration to his forehead, minor cuts and abrasions that cover his visible skin. My eyes rake over his body as I perform a visual head to toe assessment. My breath catches as my eyes land on a tear in his shirt that exposes extensive bruising to his ribs. He moans into the oxygen mask as I see that his jeans are ripped on his left leg.

My hand rushes to my mouth while I look at the sheer terror and pain in his face. My knees feel weak as everyone rushes around me testing him and trying to make him comfortable. I stand and stare at him, looking at the complete disaster unfolding in slow motion in front of me.

“Oh…my…God,” I murmur.

“Indi, get out of here,” Kenzi calls out as she looks up at me and then she presses down on his left side. He moans out in agony. I start to shake and swallow hard as they attach him to the monitors and work around me.

“Kenzi,” I murmur. I can’t stop the hot tears as they prick my eyes and fall down my cheeks.

She looks at me and nods. “I know, hun. I’ll take care of him, just take a step back, okay?”

I nod, but my feet won’t work and I can’t move. I’m stuck to the spot as she attends to his observations at an agonizing pace.

“We need to prep him for emergency surgery. I believe he has some internal bleeding,” the doctor standing beside Kenzi says, which surprises me as I didn’t notice his arrival.

“Oh God,” I say and now my feet won’t move quickly enough. I rush forward and push Rachel, an attending nurse out of the way.

“Caleb! Caleb. Can you hear me?” I ask leaning over him and caressing his face.

“Indi, what are you doing?” Rachel asks.

“Let her go,” Kenzi says while I stare down at Caleb.

His eyes are clenched shut and he’s writhing in pain.

“Caleb, please come back. I promise we can talk. We can talk for as long as you like. Just please, please make it through this—”

“Indi, we have to go,” Kenzi interrupts.

I nod my head and lean down taking off his oxygen mask and gently press my shaking lips to his. There’s no reaction, but if there’s a chance Caleb could bleed out on the operating table and I never get to kiss him again, I couldn’t stand it. I pull back and I see a tear fall down his face. I put the mask back on and caress his cheek as the tears flow like a torrent down my face.

“Come back to me, Caleb,” I say and then look up at Kenzi and nod.

“We need to get him to surgery now Indi,” she says. Then before I have a chance to gather myself Caleb is whisked away from me, and I’m left in the emergency bay with streaks of his blood on my shirt and a shaking body of my own to contend with. I wrap my arms around myself trying to hold myself together, but my heart is racing so fast I can’t catch a breath and my stomach is churning so violently the bile is rising in my throat. I’m shaking so much while I recall the imagery I’ve just witnessed. Caleb, my gorgeous Caleb, who is so flawlessly handsome, was so badly cut up and hurt in a car accident. My heart hammers so hard I’m now gasping for air and my legs begin to buckle. I stumble on the spot reaching out to grab the tray of instruments beside me, but I’m too heavy and fall to the ground along with the tray causing an almighty bang. Rachel comes rushing in as I sob into my hands on the floor and she sits next to me while wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

“Oh Indi, whatever’s the matter?” she asks. I can’t bring myself to tell her that the love of my life just come in with internal bleeding and could possibly die while I sit here on the emergency room floor and do nothing.

I sob harder, so hard that I start to gag and all Rachel can do is try to comfort me quietly. I think of all the things I haven’t said to him. All the time I’ve wasted by not getting answers from him. The last five weeks could have been spent with knowing what actually happened. Instead, now, I might never know because I was so stubborn. Now he might die, and I may have to live the rest of my life never knowing what it would be like to grow old with him. To hear him tell me he loves me one more time. To kiss and to make love to him. I don’t know if I will ever get to do any of that ever again, and I know now I shouldn’t have wasted any time at all. I shouldn’t have let the time go by without finding out what actually happened. I love him, and now all I see is that I’m going to lose him. Forever. My stomach twists violently and I pull my hands away from my face and lean over as I gag while the bile rises from my throat and expels itself onto the emergency room floor.

“Geez Indi, you’ve really worked yourself up,” Rachel says as she stands up and starts to clean up the mess I’ve just created. I feel so weak. I can’t even think anymore. The only thing I can think of is in a few days I’m going to be burying Caleb. And I didn’t get to tell him one last time that I loved him – with everything in me, I love him.

“Indi,” I hear Kenzi call out followed by running footsteps. I can’t hold my torso up anymore and I fall to the floor in the fetal position crying into my hands.

“She’s in here, Kenz. What the hell’s wrong with her?” Rachel calls out and the running footsteps get louder until they stop next to my head, but I don’t have the energy to look up.

I’m being pulled into a lap and I cling onto Kenzi as hard as I can.

“It’s okay, Indi. His spleen was lacerated and about to rupture, but they found it in time, they need to do a splenectomy, which should stop the bleeding. They’ll remove the glass shards while he’s under. So he should be in recovery in three or four hours if all goes well,” she says.

My mind is racing so fast I can’t think straight. Then suddenly something pops into my head.

“Kenz, he had a kidney transplant. They have to make sure his kidney is okay,” I say looking up at her and she smiles at me and tucks some hair behind my ear.

“I already thought of that. I remember you telling me about it, and when I recognised him, I told the surgeon. His kidney is fine, Indi,” she tells me and I breathe out a sigh of relief. “He’s not in the clear yet, but they found the source of the bleed. So as long as when they are operating nothing else shows up as a problem he should be fine, Indi. He might have a drink driving charge to deal with though,” she says and I cuddle into her and she hugs me back. “I know how much he means to you. And even though I’ve seen how hurt you’ve been these past weeks, seeing how distraught you were when you saw Caleb come in on that gurney told me everything. You love him, that’s obvious. When he wakes up, is out of recovery and back in a ward, you two need to sort this shit out. Because he obviously makes bad choices without you, and without him you’ve been miserable. Sometimes it takes something big like this for you both to see what is right in front of you,” she says and I nod and wipe my cheeks.

“Can I go and watch?” I ask and Kenzi shakes her head.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe you should call his family and let them know?” she says and I nod and exhale. Poor Macy and Hux will be devastated.

“Okay. Sorry, I fell apart,” I say and climb out of her lap.

“Hey, it’s okay. He’s the love of your life and he could’ve died if he hadn’t gotten here when he did. It’s okay to fall apart when something this horrific happens. Let’s just get off the floor, go to the lounge and call his family, all right?”

I nod as she stands up and helps me up off the floor. I still feel fragile and my knees are wobbly, but she helps me walk to the lounge area. I pull out my phone and prepare to call Hux for the first time in years.

 

***

 

Macy and Hux come rushing through the doors and they see me straight away. I stand on unsteady feet to greet them. Macy smothers and embraces me so tightly it knocks the wind from me.

“Oh, dear sweet Indi, it’s so good to see you. How is he doing?” she asks letting me go and throwing herself into the arms of Hux, who embraces her tightly.

“Hi guys, I’m sorry I couldn’t have seen you under different circumstances. He’s still in surgery. They had a small complication with an arterial bleed, but so far the Splenectomy is going okay and the wound on his head is all stitched up. The grazes to his left leg are only superficial, and will clear up fine—”

“What about his kidney?” Macy interrupts.

“His kidney is fine. They’ve checked and it’s functioning well.”

“Oh, thank God,” Hux says and runs his hand through his hair and holds onto Macy tighter with his other one wrapped around her shoulders.

“Can we see him?” Macy asks and I shake my head.

“He’s still in surgery, and then he’ll go into recovery. It will be another couple of hours I’m afraid,” I say and sniff, because seeing these two amazing people that mean so much to me after so much time, is making me sentimental. I look away from them, because looking at them just makes me leaving six years ago so much harder to live with. They were so good to me and I left without any word. Sure Hux found me, and gave me money and made sure I was doing okay, but I only let him know where I was when I actually found a place to stay. He didn’t know I was living in my car. If he did, he would have found me and taken me back to his home. Which in retrospect probably would have been the right thing to do. But thinking like that doesn’t change the past, it just makes thinking about it harder.

“Indi,” Hux says quietly walking over to me.

“Yeah?”

“We love you. You know that, right?”

I look at Macy and she smiles at me and nods.

I sniff as I feel the tears coming back. “I love you guys too,” I choke out.

“Well then, you know that we’d do anything to help you when you need it, right?” he asks and I nod. “So then, when Caleb wakes up and gets better, please spend the time to find out what actually happened. He loves you, Indi, from the depth of his soul he loves you, and I know you love him too. You guys need to make this work. Sasha is a crazy lunatic, and the kind of love you two have trumps over that every time. You can’t let someone like Sasha stand in the way of a beautiful thing. My son adores you. Did he fuck up? Of course, he did. But Indi, he would spend the rest of forever doing absolutely anything you wanted just to make you happy. That’s all he wants, is for you to be happy. And if he knew you were happy without him, then he would let you go. But you know as well as I do that neither of you is happy without the other. And I’m sorry honey, but you are the most stubborn female I’ve ever met. You need to stop with that and remember people sometimes fuck up and that doesn’t mean you have to take flight every time they fuck up, whether it be big or small. I guess, what I’m just trying to say is that you guys are both miserable, and Caleb by the sounds of it could have died tonight. Would you have been okay living your life knowing his ended and you guys parted the way you did?” Hux asks and I swallow hard and shake my head while wiping a stray tear falling down my face.

“No, I’ve been so stupid, Hux,” I reply. I can’t control my tears any longer and they fall hard and fast. Hux moves over to me quickly and wraps his arms around my shoulders comforting me like the father I always wanted and needed.

“Shh, it’s okay. We all make mistakes, and you and Caleb have both had tough lives. But you need to work through things together, not apart,” he says and leans down kissing my head. I cuddle into him gaining all the comfort I can from my substitute father.

“Did Caleb talk to you about Sasha?” I ask.

“He did, he told me everything. He said Sasha said that they were sleeping together while you and he were together. That’s not true you know—”

“It isn’t?” I ask opening my eyes wide as my heart fills with hope.

“No, Indi. You know Caleb better than that. Yes, he slept with her that once, but you guys weren’t official and he’s regretted it every second since. But he didn’t cheat on you, he never could,” Hux says and I burst into tears crying so hard that my knees give way. Hux’s arms tighten around me and he holds onto me tightly so I don’t fall.

“Sweetheart, he loves you. You guys being apart is ridiculous, and for something as severe as a car accident to happen for you two to come back together shouldn’t need to happen. Trust him, Indi,” Hux says stroking my hair trying to calm me down, but my heart is beating so fast and I feel sick again. All this time I’ve been the one in the wrong. Yes, Caleb shouldn’t have slept with Sasha in the first place, but I should’ve listened to him. I should have trusted him. And now he’s hurt and sick in surgery probably because of me, and who knows how this will affect his career. Hopefully, he’ll only be off the stage for about six to eight weeks to recover. I hope Rob Luxley doesn’t get too pissed off, and I really hope Caleb’s drink driving charges aren’t severe.

“Thanks for everything, Hux. You’ve always been like a father to me. You were a better father than my real one, and honestly I can’t thank you enough for all your support.”

He sits me down in the lounge chair next to me. “Indi, you’re the daughter I never had, and one day I hope you’ll be my daughter-in-law, that’s how much I love you and believe in you and Caleb. You guys need to work this out. And when my son wakes up your face is the first thing he needs to see.”

I look over at Macy because she might have something to say about that.

“Shouldn’t you guys be in there?” I ask and Macy smiles and sits down opposite me.

“No honey, we’ll come in after you two have had a chat. You guys need to know you’re okay. As long as Caleb gets the all clear and is in no danger, I think you should be the one he wakes up to, sweetheart,” Macy says. I bite my bottom lip and nod my head.

“Thank you, that means so much to me,” I say and they smile and Hux nudges into my side.

“Just don’t stuff this up again. His heart can only be broken so many times,” he says and I swallow hard.

“I promise,” I say and sit back on the lounge waiting impatiently for any news.

Four and a half long hours pass. Colt, Lia, and the girls come in. Hux called them and we’re all waiting. I’ve been at the hospital now for longer than I can even remember, and I’m so tired. It’s just gone six thirty in the morning and we’re all sitting in the waiting area dozing on and off.

Kenzi left after her shift. She wanted to stay with me, but I told her I had my family with me and she was so happy to hear me call them that. She was glad to leave me with them, so she went home for some much-needed sleep. I’m half asleep when a hand rests on my shoulder.

“Indi.”

I open my eyes to see Dr. Hamden, who operated on Caleb standing in front of me.

“Daniel, how is he?” I ask trying to be quiet not to wake everyone else.

“He’s in recovery. You can go in to see him if you like?”

I nod and suddenly dread fills me. What if he doesn’t want me in there? What if he’s over me? Well, I have to take that risk because I need to see for myself that he is okay. I stand up as my heart beats erratically and Hux wakes up and stares at me.

“He’s in recovery, just going in now. I’ll be out as soon as I can,” I whisper.

“Take your time, sweetie,” he says and nods.

I walk through the doors and down the hall toward the recovery ward. My heart is pounding in my chest. Seeing Caleb in so much pain before really hurt me. I never want to see him in pain like that again. Plus, seeing all the cuts and bruises well, it shook me. Clean cut Caleb is always so perfectly groomed that seeing him with marks all over his body is something I’m not used to. He doesn’t even like tattoos, so I have no idea how he’s going to feel about having a giant scar across his torso from where they removed his spleen. Normally it’s laparoscopic, but because of the extensive trauma they had to get in there quick.

I walk into his room and see him on the bed resting quietly and it hits me. He could have died. I could have lost my Caleb. I’ve been so stupid.

I walk over to his bedside and pull up a chair and sit down next to him taking his hand in mine and holding onto him tightly. I look at the great big gauze patch covering his surgery wound, the cuts, and abrasions to the rest of his chest, the gash on his head and the small nick to his perfect face and the emotion hits me like a tidal wave. The hot tears fall down my face as I rest my head on his chest and cry for my broken man.